Read it if you want to live.
I have this huge desire to be engulfed in huge crowds of people because I know that there won't be any focus on me. It'll be other people in the group. Perhaps a glance, nothing more.
But I feel like I need to be surrounded by the people that I love.. but I can't feel connected to them.It feels like people are there.. and they're going about their business to bothered by other things to notice something small.
anything.
A hand gesture someone had never done before or an inflection on a word or a bit of sarcasm in an answer. They stop noticing those things because they're too busy being caught up in what they 'should' be.
clothes.relationships.money.drama.
I think that's how so many really sad people get through the cracks. Others are too busy noticing themselves to realize what's happening on a smaller scale.
People don't notice a flower in a forest. They're too busy in awe of the trees.
But.. if you miss all these small things, will your 'larger picture' that you're so worried about really add up to what it should be? I fyou keep missing little things you may eventually pass up something bigger. Or loss something bigger than that little thing.
I wish people were all deaf. All deaf. Because then it's the small things that matter. The facial expression. The way that the hands move. How elaborate or tight a gesture is. When you're deaf it's the small things that matter because otherwise you could mis-communicate something that you've been waiting all day to say or sign.
Eventually someone has to notice that your best friend is faking a smile and you haven't taken the time to look to see if they meant it. You're too busy worring about things that they just 'don't get'.
Fuck your preteen bullshit, okay.
Now.. I know that someone who reads this is going to think I'm talking about me in some abstract. Well.. this time I'm not. I'm talking about your best friend and the fact that they haven't smiled as much.. or have decided to whore themselves, but more subtly than you an tell because they are DESPERATE for you to notice.
Have you ever faked a smile and wished that someone would catch you?
Not done something and hoped to be scolded?
Refused to participate and hoped someone would take you out and ask what's wrong?
Okay.. now how many times have you ignored a person you saw doing it?
Have you ever noticed that when you're with a group of people and someone you're embarassed about comes over you slowly turn your back to them? You don't mean to do it.. it just happens.
But.. you don't look that closely at other people to notice.
You're too busy chatting about music to realize you just cut someone out and that they may have a completely distraught look on their face.
But once again.. you won't notice.
And you won't notice when you step on a weed coming up through the sidewalk.
Not when you crush it.
Not when you walk away, not realizing you may've just killed the only thing close to beauty in that area.
You were too busy getting to where you're going.
The mall... or the movies.
Which is far more important than a thing of beauty you hadn't noticed.
Because it has to deal with you.
But I feel like I need to be surrounded by the people that I love.. but I can't feel connected to them.It feels like people are there.. and they're going about their business to bothered by other things to notice something small.
anything.
A hand gesture someone had never done before or an inflection on a word or a bit of sarcasm in an answer. They stop noticing those things because they're too busy being caught up in what they 'should' be.
clothes.relationships.money.drama.
I think that's how so many really sad people get through the cracks. Others are too busy noticing themselves to realize what's happening on a smaller scale.
People don't notice a flower in a forest. They're too busy in awe of the trees.
But.. if you miss all these small things, will your 'larger picture' that you're so worried about really add up to what it should be? I fyou keep missing little things you may eventually pass up something bigger. Or loss something bigger than that little thing.
I wish people were all deaf. All deaf. Because then it's the small things that matter. The facial expression. The way that the hands move. How elaborate or tight a gesture is. When you're deaf it's the small things that matter because otherwise you could mis-communicate something that you've been waiting all day to say or sign.
Eventually someone has to notice that your best friend is faking a smile and you haven't taken the time to look to see if they meant it. You're too busy worring about things that they just 'don't get'.
Fuck your preteen bullshit, okay.
Now.. I know that someone who reads this is going to think I'm talking about me in some abstract. Well.. this time I'm not. I'm talking about your best friend and the fact that they haven't smiled as much.. or have decided to whore themselves, but more subtly than you an tell because they are DESPERATE for you to notice.
Have you ever faked a smile and wished that someone would catch you?
Not done something and hoped to be scolded?
Refused to participate and hoped someone would take you out and ask what's wrong?
Okay.. now how many times have you ignored a person you saw doing it?
Have you ever noticed that when you're with a group of people and someone you're embarassed about comes over you slowly turn your back to them? You don't mean to do it.. it just happens.
But.. you don't look that closely at other people to notice.
You're too busy chatting about music to realize you just cut someone out and that they may have a completely distraught look on their face.
But once again.. you won't notice.
And you won't notice when you step on a weed coming up through the sidewalk.
Not when you crush it.
Not when you walk away, not realizing you may've just killed the only thing close to beauty in that area.
You were too busy getting to where you're going.
The mall... or the movies.
Which is far more important than a thing of beauty you hadn't noticed.
Because it has to deal with you.