's's's's's's's's's's's's

OLOLOLOL

Am I so lacking in good personality traits that the only way I can get people to care about me is to make them feel like they have to? It is so exhausting having to feel that no one cares about me, and then all alone to make myself believe that they do, just so I constantly keep asking people for help. Can't someone for once just care that I need help and give it without my having to beg for it?

Man, looking for a job makes me feel so worthless. I think I am doing it wrong.

i am sad

Ok, so I called that teacher and she was like "Your paper got lost in my email! That's why I gave you a B! But I fixed it! Now you get an A!"

This semester, I got a pell grant, and I signed up for full-time, but I had a hard time figuring out my schedule. One way it was 11 credits, the other was 14. So I went with 11, thinking that would be close enough (full-time = 12cr), and then someone told me that next time I apply for financial aid they would look at that, see that I "lied" to them about being full-time, and put me on probation. So I added a stupid, tuition-free "career & life planning" class that only met 2 times, on Saturdays. I missed work to go to this bullshit class, where all we did was look at a website and do personality tests. I went to both of the classes, arrived on time, stayed the entire length of the class. I participated in the group activities, my comments were insightful. I handed in the final project early, and it was more than the minimum length (no maximum). She gave me a B. If it weren't for this stupid class I would have a 4.0!!! I can't for the life of me figure out why she would give me a B except to try to fool herself into thinking that a free "career and life planning" guidance class is a real class. Wtf. I'm so angry. I called her, but she has the day off. >_

A couple of weeks ago, the craziest driving thing happened to me! I was driving home from Lindsay's at about 1 a.m. I was approaching the intersection where I turn left, and so I was making my way into the left lane. Just then, an ambulance turned onto the street I was on and was speeding behind me, also in the left lane, but trying to use the left lane to get around me! I knew that it would not make sense to pull to the left, because that would be confusing and also because there was oncoming traffic. I was afraid to pull to the right because the ambulance was trying to go straight and might switch lanes once it realized I was trying to turn left. But I panicked and turned to the right anyway. My quick turn put me facing the opposite direction I wanted to go at the light, but I was just far enough from the light that I still had enough room to correct it, so while the light was yellow I stepped on the gas in order to turn left. Just then, a car came up the hill on the opposite side of the intersection and sped through the light. I stepped on the brake. I decided to try to get into the left turn lane from where I was because where I live all the lights are controlled by sensors in the road, so if there's not someone in the left turn lane, the left turn light won't go on. As I got into the right lane, a huge black truck with its lights not on sped up behind me, almost killed me, and blocked my path. Now I was perpendicular across the right turn lane. In order to correct myself I started to back up. This moment is when the pedestrian who was standing on the corner the entire time decided to cross the street, not in the cross walk, but RIGHT BEHIND ME. WTF everyone? Thankfully, no one got hit, no one got hurt, and I was home 5 minutes later.

So yesterday, I bought a car! It's a 97 kia sportage. It's okay! My friend Lindsay drove me to my friend Bekah's house to get it, and in return for the ride (I paid money for the car) i promised to help Lindsay move boxes into and out of her truck at Ikea (Ikea is a huge deal here because it just opened in August or September in Portland). So I spent like 3 hours at Ikea with Lindsay and her boyfriend, waiting in line for returns with them, and then shopping with them, and then picking out the right parts with them... Then moving all the boxes in the pouring rain. I got home at around 10:00.

Then this morning, I woke up at 8, reluctantly dragged my butt out of bed to go work out for an hour (while I watched Roseanne!), and then came home and procrastinated getting ready for school. To get to school at 1:00 for my Russian class, I have to leave my house at 11:30! I sat around doing completely nothing from about 11:10 to 11:30. Then at 11:30, I realized that I couldn't remember where I put my keys, and it was too late to walk to the Max. I finally found my keys at about 11:37 (my cat decided they were comfy and fell asleep on them... ! >_>) and when I got to the max station it was gone. I was so relieved! I didn't want to go to class!

You see, I have no days off. Monday and Wednesday I have classes such that I am gone from 11:30 in the morning until 10:30 at night. Tuesday I have a four-hour class in the morning, then an hour max ride to my piano lesson, then an hour back to my counseling appointment. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I work, and try to clean the apartment.

On the other hand, my school has really strict attendance rules. I'm pretty sure my chamber ensemble instructor doesn't care. But in my Russian class, if you miss 2 classes, you go down a letter grade. In my calligraphy class (that's the 4-hour one), one missed class brings your grade down a letter. The ASL program has a "more than 2 missed classes = F" policy. "More than 2" doesn't mean 3 or more, it means if you miss 2 classes and part of another, you fail. And since I want to get into the ASL interpreting program, I don't want to miss any classes! That would look bad, and they only pick 20 students a year.

So today I skipped Russian and Chamber Ensemble. It felt really good! I came home and dozed off for a while, then I practiced piano, made some beef stew, did some laundry, cleaned the apartment a little... got Thousand to 64... Then I made myself get out the door in time for the hour and a half commute to school for my ASL class. As soon as I stepped off the bus, I saw 4-5 people from my ASL class walking towards me. I signed "WHAT?" loudly at them. Class is canceled! Get back on the bus!

...

So I rode an hour back to the transit center to wait for the Max. The Beaverton Transit Center is one of my least favorite max stops because it's kind of dirty and scary... there's always people in baggy clothes yelling at each other, and cops patrol it often, which for whatever reason makes it seem more scary to me than less... Anyway, it's also one of my favorite stops because it is back to back with a shopping center that has a monster-sized Shoe Pavilion, a Marshall's, and a TJMaxx. I got bored of waiting for the Max and I had some money burning a hole in my pocket so I spent 2 hours at Marshall's. Haha. The end.

Big thank you to people who sent me things for my birthday!

Firstly, Xiane patchworkstrike sent me Amy Sedaris' I Like You guide to hospitality. I love it very much! It is so funny and useful.

And last, but not least, Aubrey sent me something she made for the pay it forward challenge. It is a yellow and music note tote! It's so cute. I love it very much also!

Thanks guys!


Also thank you to SEAN! who sent me Cooking Mama for DS and How to Cook Everything (Quick Meals) by Mark Bittman. I love these gifts and I was very surprised by them! I had no idea Sean even remembered when my birthday is (even though every year I very subtly remind him by wishing him a happy half-birthday), or where I live, or that I exist. <3 to Sean.

stolen from megmccarron's journal:


1. Go to http://www.careercruising.com/.
2. Put in Username: nycareers, Password: landmark.
3. Take their "Career Matchmaker" questions.
4. Post the top umpty results:

1.Musician
2.Composer
3.Special Effects Technician
4.Casting Director
5.Comedian
6.Sound Technician
7.Magician
8.Lighting Technician
9.Makeup Artist
10.Recording Engineer
11.Oceanographer

ok, first of all, wtf magician. aside from that, these are like the 10 hardest jobs either to attain or make money doing. Congrats me. Special effects technician, cool.