Life Sucks...

I just CANNOT seem to share-nobody reads this damn thing-anyway, but if someone did they would soon find out-the strange happenings that are me...


OKAY...Where in all things holy and unholy do we begin with a subject like this one???-I mean seriously, I am just...To fuckin' far outta this world to even be RECOGNIZED as a sane induvidual-or even as an individual at all...And since when did being yourself become-or make you an individual-every thing seems rediculously out of place-as if I just can't seem to get this shit straight-you know?-Like, okay, for one thing-lemme just share....I write-A TON-a literal mountain of shit you know? like movies-and songs, and poems, and stories-and titles-EVERYTHING-I draw, and paint, and sculpt, and God, what else....I sing(poorly) I LOVE music-I just can't possibly do anything without it....I do so much shit- that it isn't-IS NOT possible to be anything more-and yet-I could be SO MUCH MORE-I am tired of being labeled...Goth, punk, Emo, Wnna-be-prep, Loser, Loner, outcast, martr, intro-verted, extroverted, Geek, Bitch, Whore, Slut, VIRGIN, Lesbian, Dike, Cunt, Gay, Homo, Homo-phobic, wanna-be-rapper, wanna-be-goth, OCD patient, CRAZY(there could be oh, so much more emphasis on THIS one), INSANE(THIS one too), even suicidal, and homocidal....WHAT THA FUCK-Shut up with all the labels-I'm so, SO, freakin' tired of that shit-I mean, really people-It gets to be ridiculos. STOP with the labels...As teenagers, as grown-ups, fuck, as eight-year-olds in front of the t.v.-we are labeled. I am TIRED-no, not Tired...EXHAUSTED-I just can't take this shit anymore, No...I DON'T know who this group is or that group is...I couldn't pick out a The Ramones song from a Pink Spiders song-cause I hardly know the difference...And NO-I actually, couldn't pick out Cassidy from a line-up...I'm just so fucking sick of it....Here's the basics-I know what I know, do as I wish(and as I must), like what I like, and Love-what and who I love. That is it...I'm tired of pretending-I AM WHO I AM...No more, no less-cause really-thats just impossible. And in my book-There are NO such thing as posers-(alas-just another label-to call someone who claims)...I DO NOT believe in adjectives...Heres why: Why should ANYONE be told they are, or anything else, is a certain something-I'll tell you why-because it gives us a way to identify things, to identify what makes sense to us and WHY it makes sense....but really-it was, okay-here's an example...A guy hands me a green fork-he tells me its green(don't ask why-I mean, it is just an example to show you my thoughts on this shit) so, he tells me its green I say "why is it green, I mean, what makes it 'green'?-Because some group of guys decided to call it that thousands of years ago-so now we all have to follow what they said just because it has been drilled into our heads since we were born...Well, maybe I say its not green-maybe I say its 'fire engine' or 'potato'"-but that would mean I'm wrong, right?-I'm wrong because it has been drilled into your head that I'm wrong, correct? But who's really to say I'm wrong-those same old, dead, fucks that existed thousands of years ago?...PFT...But it is neccasary to have this 'labeling' so that we may identify with things and people in the world around us. A way of communication. A way to get with other people-to express what we have labeled the term 'emotions'-Emotions, another thing another topic for another day of rambling. Ugh, now where was I...Oh, yes-back to rambling.Things I think-hmmm, the question, is not what I think per say-but what does EVERYONE else think>?-Does anyone care?-oops sorry-another thing about emotions...Anyway, we'd like to think that, yes, yes others actually DO care-but how can we tell for sure...I just get so sick of people-I am going to be Myself from now on-Ga, damn it-I actually HATE when people say that, did you know?-and yet, THERE I am singing right along with Panic at the Disco-I Write Sins, Not Trageties...Ugh, but its True I Always Do skip over that part...I don't really think I'm fat-I know I'm not, but I need-I Have this DEEP NEED to feel accepted. I WANT IT-I WANT to inspire, I want to change people-I am destined for to change this world-at least that is what I tell myself daily-Make myself TRULY believe that there is more than this which I have become...More than all this that surrounds me...I just don't know anymore-I have a personal journal...It is kinda crazy you know-and half of this...NO, ALL of this I am writing in hopes that just ONE person will find it-and read it...That if it made only one person think for only a second-it has failed...That it did not reach more...However, if it does reach just ONE person, and makes them think-if only for a second-just a microsecond...Then it has also succeded and served its purpose...PLEASE, you live but one time on this Earth-(as we all do), so make all that you can from it, don't waste it-unless this is TRULY what you want to do-do all the things you want to, and beside from the supposedly required-none of the things you don't...May God, or whomever-or WHATEVER religion, even if none-even if you have not any drop of faith inside your soul, mind, heart, or body...Bless You. Let this be known-this was NOT written by any means to get you to agree with, or even just care about my point....But just know that its there-MY ONLY intention was to inspire, or just to make you think-maybe YOU can be that ONE person, who(by some act of misfortune) stumbles upon this rambling, and walks, crawls, swims, or flys... Away with something.The End...SO LONG and Goodnight...So LONG and Goodnight...
Love-RED

If the world were on a stick and a freelance writer were to pay the debt of the millions that bother not to even pay focus towards one word....what would happen? Toss it into the drudges willingly, knowing that all who come to pass will be forced to deal with said consequences? or ignite the world in a flame of passion.....giving new life to an old maid-old maids were once the young whores of their time. or would we burn that same world after the passion has worn off like rubber from an old pair of kicks? ahhhh, we laugh at the martr for he is not sacrificing for nothing, he wishes to be the hero...NERO, a God amongst the godless is no God at all. Freedom is, in its freest form, always controled by those that attempt to reach for it....forever letting it escape their clutches as they grasp desperately for the rope. The same piece of divine golden thread that helps them to become "better" people (there is no such thing) ties them down and hangs them until their holy necks *snap*....In the land of the blind....The one eyed man is GOD.

The fact that humans are inHUMANE....Being man is his best and worst quality.

<lj-template name="qotd" id="2618" lang="en_LJ" Answer: nothing. jk...sortof

Maury Mutha Fucka! Or maybe Jerry Springer, or Howard Stern....And then I would do Oprah or Larry King later in the day just ta fuck witch ya!

Streaking down a street in the middle of the night, butt naked, in the freezing cold of October, soaking wet after getting out of a shower...:)

I'ma fixin ta gets me a second one!

and then a third. yahoo!

Sooo,
How be my kitties?
Being as you all know that I have a certain disdain for cats...What can you imply from the previous statement if you use them combined to their fullest extent?

I have just finished my second semester in community college hell...Actually, it is less than mundane, not necessarily less than expected, but certainly less than mundane...The classes are tedious and not unlike the homework, the books overpriced, and the professors: professing....

My life, my COLLEGE life, up until this summer break has been an inescapable, frantic array of paper, projects, and consecutive day-after-day, or rather night after night, of all-nighters coupled with an undying need to capture the tragic loss of my fading youth, passing me as a blur as if on its own accord, dying as if it is out of my will to control....I am at an in-between station of my life, not 'phase'-which would imply that it will come to pass, but 'station', which I am trapped in, but must unlock the door and escape out of my own free, or not so free will.... I am 19-years-old, no longer in the years of teenage, high school youth, but still a teenager, treated as an adult, but not yet 21 and receiving my full rights, along with the right to a semi-renewed youth....I have established within my own mind that there are two rightful stages in youth, which can be divided into several sub-categories, or counter stages....

The first stage of youth...Referred to as "Real Youth", but not in reference to the youth that a child experiences in the early stages of life...is the youth experienced in adolescence, as a teenager...
Some experience this youth as simply happening, when the adolescent does things that may be a result of either ignorance or the previously mentioned youth, basically referred to as inexperience rather than ignorance...Others experience a 'forced' youth, in which the adolescent forces their youth as a need to 'escape', either their reality-which may include a wasted childhood because they may have been required to 'grow up too quickly' either by parents who require their older children to act as 'counter-parents' who help them raise their younger children, usually the child's siblings, step-siblings, or half-siblings...These adolescents that 'force' their 'youth' usually rebel through juvenile acts that they understand to be wrongful or juvenile, but continue to do so or pursue in order to fulfill their needs of youth, for a variety of reasons. Sometimes these acts are driven by other adolescents looking to achieve the same goals, but not wanting to go through them alone, which would also be a sign of 'youth', driven by either of the two mentioned 'sub-needs', either by one of them or a combination of the two sub-needs. If the acts are not driven by another youth, which may or may not be described as 'peer pressure', then the acts are driven soley by the adolescent as need for fulfillment of whatever reason. The acts of youth, which tend to be reckless in nature, may also be a combination of the two: the adolescent wants to perform juvenile, 'youthful' acts on their own accord, but requires an excuse, provided by the other adolescent searching for 'youthful' experiences.

The second stage of youth is sought out as an adult and usually occurs after the adolescent has reached the legal drinking age...
The new found legality allows the adult to drink freely in public, even thought they may have already consumed some form of alcohol privately, especially if they have already experienced the stage of 'first youth'. This stage of 'second youth' allows both adults who have gone through 'first youth' to rekindle the previously performed recklessness experienced in the 'first youth' or to elaborate on those experiences, and adults who were weary to participate in 'first youth' findings to have a 'second chance' at youth and participate in activities that they may be unable to later on in life, when they have spouses, homes, responsibilities, careers, and children. People who choose to pursue 'second youth' often partake in heavy drinking, leading to intoxication, and act as many people in 'first youth' act. One key difference is the fact that these people are now adults and can be legally charged with the crimes committed, if any are. Another main difference, is that, unlike the participants partaking in 'first youth', who are often driven by peers-or who use their peers as an excuse to experience recklessness, the adults in 'second youth' are often only driven by free-will of their own needs for fulfillment.

The issue, unless the person is arrested, comes in second youth. The problem is the adult's realization, or lack thereof, of when they should abandon their 'youth' and 'grow up', which MUST occur at some point in the person's life, either for their family's sake-including children and/or spouse, for the sake of their career and/or job, for their own sake as a productive member of society, or for the sake of those that surround them-their peers...

If an individual does not experience either one of these stages of youth at the allotted time, which often occurs in girls who must experience teenage pregnancy or teenage fathers-who often-and in no way do I mean to offend-but may still experience youth because they usually have more freedom, will often face horrific problems later in life when they attempt to rekindle the lost youth that they were never able to experience.


I am currently stuck within the realm between two youths and feeling hopeless, as many do during this time period....

As I am coming to a closure on this rambling of mine that I literally typed in real time as I was 'thinking it up', I am suddenly lacking enthusiasm for it an am going to close with the statement of:

"I am not looking for advice, but this is the song of my wasted youth."

-JAc

Soooo, tonight...where to beginnnn.
1.-Yesterday, my artistic friend and I were SUPPOSED to deface little Rat-man, sorry, BATman's pretty, little face. However, she decided to be quite a rude person and, among other wretched things, back out. Oh, also, she decided to call her mother and tell her that I was at their house when her sicko step-brothers were there(I wasn't supposed to be there because her mother was worried about her daughter-my so-called "friend"-friends pressing sexual harassment charges against her step brothers. Why my friend's mother would want someone like that around HER daughters is beyond me...I digress). Soo, myself and another friend of mine and hers-who rode with me-are now banned from their house. Sooooo...

2.-I ended up defacing Batsy on my own. Yet ANOTHER problem occured and I was left with computer issues....Sooo, I had to go to a friend's house yesterday and work on defacing him on the computer. However, he ALSO has a bit of a computer problem, sooo.

3.-I ended up having to do the picture and send it to my email, which I would then get onto at a library and print it off at. I couldn't really post it online because he had connection problems, etc. So, I had barely a five minute window to send the picture to my email and that was pretty much it. Then I had to go to a local library and try to get my picture from my email and print it off to make flyers. Because I was at the library, I obviously did not have any pictures uploaded and basically had to work with the one I had.

4.-I print up the defaced picture and send it off to have copies made, luckily-they were free because I know someone that could do it for me! So, now I have about a hundred or so flyers, sooo...

5.-I, without the aid of my rude friend (sorry for the bitchy-ness, as I am a bit aggrivated at her idiotic decision) I enlist the help of another friend of mine, who agrees (thankfully and appreciatively) to go with me to a mall in full costume, soooo...

6.-Tonight, yes, hence the title of this post, at six o'clock, I grab my friend and get dressed up in full costume. Its downpouring freezing rain and it's pitch-black dark out, and I have only hours to go to meet the deadline of this thing; oh, and the mall is an hour away. I stop by Goodwill to pick up a last minute pair of pants that I saw in there the other day...THEY WERE GONE!-I mean, I LITTERALLY saw them there YESTERDAY!-WHO IN THE HELL BUYS LIME GREEN PANTS!?>?!!?-Seriously, or maybe NOT so seriously...So, I had to settle on a plum colored pair, that were actually better looking than the green had been, and backtrack to hit up a Walgreens for some green hair spray. I get it, and start driving...

7.-We get to the mall, I throw one the proper make-up, we have the flyers, the camera and are heading inside...I take pictures with a few people, handed out about thirty or so flyers, and was feeling pretty gravy...Until....

8.- THIS IS WHERE I GET PISSED!-Yes, you guessed it...Fucking Mall coppers!(excuse the language) Yeah, now, we weren't being rude...or mean, or disruptive in any way...I even tried to shy away from children so as not to scare them!-(I know that wasn't a Joker-ish move, but, hell, I'm not a bitch sooo,I tried to spare the kiddies) WELLL, rent-a-cop bastards tell us "You can't hand out flyers here, etc." I say, "Okay, no problem." Rent-a-cop says, "You can't take pictures in the mall either." "Okay." So, we move on...MY friend and I start heading for Hottopic (re we would see some fans in there and at least get to TELL them about pcc-project calling card, since we were 'not allowed' to hand out flyers or take pictures!) The rent-cop-bitch (I'm getting more and more inventive with my little names for him as I go) decides to follow us, oh and he called up TWO more of his little buddies...I go to the HT store guy and ask him if we are allowed to put the remaining flyers anywhere...And that's when the shit started...

9.-Rent-A-Bitch: "You can't hang those anywhere. You cannot post them anywhere..." My friend starts getting REALLY pissed now...oh yeah, this is where it REALLY got ugly...Rent-A-Bitch continues..."AND YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE." My friend lost it...He started giving the guy some lip, politely-I might add, not raising his voice or anything, and the cop goes on some power trip, which mall-cops do...I think it is because they carry around a thing of pepper spray...I mean, they aren't even given a gun, OR a night stick-what happens if someone tries to rob the mall?-okay, nobody robs malls, but what if someone started shooting people>?-what would they do-mase(oops, sorry ,not even real mase) pepper spray them from twenty feet away?-HAHAH....sorry, back to the story...So, the power hungry rent-a-bitch, grabs my friend's hand and throws them behind his back...He threatened to cuff him, but didn't...sooo...

10.-Myself, dressed up as the Joker, and my friend got escorted out of a mall, in fourty-degree weather, by three rent-a-cop bastards...Yeah, it sucks.

End of story, we ended up driving home with about two/thirds of our flyers still in tow. And now I am posting this on my sister-in-law's computer (who was out of town in South Carolina for the past three days, or else this would have been a SHITLOAD easier-cause I could have simply used HER computer to promote stuff). Yeah, so, we only got like ONE photo in the mall, because I thought we'd be there longer and get more...However, I DID have a bit of fun, it was an...ODD expirience, to say the least, and one that I won't soon forget!-Sooo, anyway, it was all done in the name of...

Project Calling Card

Soo, go to their websites and blogs...Don't make it for nothing!

(Note: All expiriences are true, and not exagerated or fathomed...I say this because, honestly, I, myself, almost can't believe that we got thrown out of the mall. I'm so miffed).

Oh yeah, here's the picture, and I'll post a copy of the flyer in a moment:

This picture was taken during my cosplay for the second Pirates movie!-Yup, its pretty old!-but I love this picture and found it again!-Yes, pretty much everytime a movie comes out that has characters...and I go to see it...yeah, it becomes cosplay time! P.S.- The name 'red jack the pirate' stems from a story I wrote...It grew-until it got to be really big...I wrote it over five-six years ago, so the name has been around for awhile!




and a little pic of what I regularly look like!



Plus me 'floating' *snicker*....




Obviously, they show up small, so if you want to enlarge just click on them!