Like Flowers in Full Bloom -Neo Visualizm-

Life has been hard recently, and stressful to the 'nth degree. The year has been great so far, despite the stress that Kyle and I are feeling with moving and trying to find jobs in order to support us and build a better life. It isn't easy though, to not get just a little down about it.
After our marriage suffered a huge blow, we've been working at building it back into something good, which means spending more time together doing activities that we both enjoy. We've been fishing alot, and I caught my first ones a few days ago: 2 giant carp, 13 and 15lbs, and a tiny baby trout. I even touched them, which was disgusting and slimy.
I'm also in school right now, attending the University of Phoenix, through their online Axia campus. I'm working to earn my Associate's degree in Hospitality, Travel, and Tourism. I hope that I can return to Disney World next spring/fall for their college program, and actually work in something that pertains to my degree and doesn't suck.
I'm tired of feeling like a failure at life. It isn't so bad most days, but not having a job (despite my efforts) and sitting at home all the time drives me nuts, and gives me lots of time to consider where I am in life, and everything that I haven't done. I don't want to be stuck in Ohio for the rest of my life, because I never pictured myself living there as an adult, but it's where Kyle is looking for work. He's also looking in Virginia, which has a much lower unemployment rate than any other state, and is also a place that I wouldn't mind moving.
I've always pictured myself doinng great things, and so far, it isn't happening. Hopefully with finishing this degree, I will accomplish something worthwhile in my life, moreso than getting married and having a family (which I am not ready for. Two more years until we talk about that).
I still want to join the AF, but not full-time. I would like either Air Guard, or Air Reserves, but Kyle would never go for it. Who knows though- things change and so do people.
I'm never on here anymore, and I'm surprised that this account is still active. I'm on deviantart more often.
www.firedie.deviantart.com

We've only got a month left together. Every few days I break down and cry, like I'm doing right now.
Hundreds of families and couples go through this, and I should be able to stay strong. And I'm going to try, for his sake. But it's hard, and I don't him to go- I want us to start our lives together, and be a family.

So I've been trying to lose weight and build muscle. Getting ready for basic training and all that, and also trying to make my husband enjoy my body more than he already does. You know, trying to firm a few things up, make them jiggle less. I've been trying to get my sister-n-law work out with me, cause she is seriously overweight (like 5'3", 206 lbs). I want to help her get in shape, so not only is she healthier, but so she can please her husband. You can tell he doesn't like the fact that she's fat, and he wants her to change. So anyway, she doesn't even try. I've been trying to get her to walk more, to do tae-bo with me, so stretch and lift weights with me. But no. She just doesn't want to, cause she's lazy and just wants to play WOW and watch tv and play XBox. I'm trying to help her save her marriage and get healthy. But I guess it doesn't really matter, cause it isn't my marriage.
I want her to quit smoking too, cause that's just adding to the reasons why she's unhealthy. I mean, I'm not healthy, I admit it, I'm overwieght too but not so much as that it's causing problems. You can barely tell I'm overwieght, so it really isn't that bad for me, but I'm at least trying to make it bettter, to get ready and such.
But whatever. I shouldn't care. But I do, and I'll just snap at her one of these days for not even trying.

Quite proud of myself today- I can officially do 15 push-ups, and not the girly kind either! Not many girls can do that, at least that I know of.
Using 3L bottles filled with water are great weights to increase muscle mass in your arms at a safe, steady rate. Also, doing slightly inclined push-ups helps make it easier to do normal push-ups.
Trying to decrease the size of my obliques, aka love-handles ^_^ Haven't really been working on my sit-ups though...or running, which I really should be doing.
Calorie counting is tough...especially when you want to snack all day, which is what I'm used to. Now I only eat about 1-2 cups at my meal times, and maybe a snack or two if I fell extra hungry. I drink alot of fluids though- water, juices, kool-aid and sometimes a propel mix-in. Lots of coffee..I can't give up my coffee. And tea, tea is thankfully 0 calorie, which means I can drink a shit-ton! Yay!
Kyle's been gone in Louisiana for almost a week now, and it's hard not talking to him everyday. It is something I will have to get used to though, as he will be gone for some time in October (he's deploying to Iraq for 9-12 months). I'll be heading off to basic training a few weeks before he deploys, so most likely we won't be able to talk for a month, because he'll have to arrive there, and then get settled. Eventually we'll be able to talk, and hopefully it will be when I'm able to talk >_<
I've been bored outta my mind, which is why I've been online almost constantly. SO if you're getting tired of reading my almost constant posts on facebook and myspace, then I'm sorry. Come visit me, and maybe I won't be so bored, lolz!!
Been doing a little wedding planning, like picking colors and the theme, getting the guest list started and thinking about where to have it. Although I want it at Disney, most people can't afford to go there. Did I already post something about this? Probably. This is all probably just a repeat. See the boredom? I'm repeating myself...I'm also going crazy. Care to join me?

So, I recently got married in a civil ceremony. Been married a month now, and enjoying it very much. Although we aren't living on our own, we make the best of the living situation we have. My brother is very nice to let us stay at his house until we get one of our own, although it's unknown as to when that will be. It's not that we can't afford it, because Kyle has BAH coming in now, it's more like we can't figure out a way to have a place for 2 months and then we both have to leave. He deploys for Iraq sometime in October, and I ship out to basic training in September.  I'm going to be an Airman. ^_^ Working in fuels, which I hear is a pretty nice job.
We're going to have an actual nice wedding sometime in 2011, although at the moment it's hard to pick a date, because I don't know when he's getting back from deployment, and when the Air Force will allow me to be gone. Would they make an exception? I don't really know. I guess I"ll have to ask my recruiter when I talk to him on Monday.
I've kind of started planning it though, it a way. I originally wanted to have it at Walt Disney World, just because it would be so beautiful and exactly like a fairytale. Except the cost of it is outrageously expensive. Kyle may have said I can have whatever I want, we're also worried about how everyone will get there. They would have rooms, yes, but travel would be on there own. And just about all of my friends can't afford to travel, like whatsoever. SO I had to back down from that lovely dream.
But, I have been looking at and stealing pictures from their site, so that I have some ideas as to what I would like. Doing alot of this stuff on my own will be much less expensive than having Disney do it. I won't get the exotic locations and the photoshoot at the castle, but I guess I can make due. I WILL have my damn hunnymoon there though!!
I posted pictures of the dresses I like on myspace. There are a few bridal gowns and a few bridesmaids gowns on there. I personally love the Belle one that's reminiscent of the characters ball gown from the movie. You know, the poofy yellow one? Except its not as floofy, and it's in an antique color. I don't even know if I'm going to have bridesmaids, because I don't know the location it's going to be at yet.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to have the reception at my parents house, because there I would have a nice building, a nice setting, DJ equipment, lighting, and it's FREE.
If I can find a nice place to have to wedding, I might have two bridesmaids. I'm for sure having one, no matter where it is, because there's a special someone who needs to be a maid of honor! I don't know if anyone else is going to have bridesmaids, but I don't much care. I would like to have a semi-big wedding because that's just how I am >_<
I'm hoping to travel to NYC in a few weeks to go to Kleinfeld Bridal Shop, you know, the one used in Say Yes to the Dress? They have the Disney Bridal selection I want. I hope the dress doesn't cost too much... I mean, I know it's going to cost alot, but still..I like...and I would be very sad to not have that dress.
Argghh, I don't know...one step at a time, right? Maybe I'll just have the damn thing in New York...IDK >____________<

Well folks, it has been a few months/weeks since last I posted, so now here I am, posting on my livejournal. Ed cosplay went perdy good, I looked damn awesome. I think my final Jrock cosplay will be Redemption Gackt, and then I think I'm just going to switch to anime and video games.

Future Cosplays:
Urd from Ah! My Goddess
Jak from Jak 3
Link from Twilight Princess
Sailor Scout (don't know which one)

Yeah I don't know..there are others I want to do, with a group. Like a sexy-no-jitsu Orochimaru. I'm not much of one for Naruto but that would be fun methinks.

Oh my goodness, it has truly been a very long time since I've been on this site! I'm usually just too busy to bother with it, but now that I'm jobless, I've plenty of time! So in a way, getting laid off was a blessing, and in another, a curse.  I've been hanging out here, in New York state, with my older brother who is stationed at Fort Drum, passing the time being with him and my sister-in-law. They've been really awesome to me, not making me do anything, like cleaning or paying for anything( which is crazy to me, but is kind of nice as well. They even bought me a hairdryer, although I'm going to leave it here for my sister, cause she needs one XD)
I'm going in to the Air Force soon, hopefully, if my application is accepted and I'm physically worthy. Speaking of being physically worthy, I need to start running and working out in general, because since I lost my job, I've gained weight. It doesn't help being stressed out either, I suppose, by all the things happening in my life right now.
My boyfriend and I have been in a rut, because of me going in to the service. I want him to come with me, but he doesn't know if he wants to, because he would be leaving everything behind (what does he think I'm doing? lol). Also, his family nor friends know that we're together again (some might remember that ridiculous time in my life). Generally, that sort of thing wouldn't bother me, but what if he did come with me? Then what would he do? So me being here, in New York, thirty minutes from the Canadian border, has given us both time to think. And I don't even know what to do still. but no matter what, I refuse to be held back by a damn guy who won't use his balls for more than decoration.
A good way to look at how I'm feeling right now is to listen to the english version of Glass Skin by Dir en grey. It somehow describes much of the pain I'm facing right now.
I really don't know what else to say at this time, but maybe I'll post something again soon, maybe give an update on my life. Hopefully I'll actually post again before a year goes by, lol!

Next cosplays: Kabuki Danshi Miyavi
                            Filth in the Beauty Aoi
                            Sendai Kamotsu Chiba


See them at: Youmacon in Troy, MI



BTW, I have new piercings. Yummmm.

Maverick is cluster fuck love.


I had an amazing dream yesterday.


Hizumi was a hit- very sexy. I like being blonde.

I think I need to hunt down some non-glamoured pictures of GazettE...can anyone assist in this endeavor?

Who's ready to see Hizumi at ACen this year? My costume is done, and it looks AMAZING!! I can't believe how well it turned out, even with the horrible fabric we used for pants...I really look forward to everyone being shocked at how cool it is....