1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, " I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ........ A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Uh, I just realized that when I joined the common room, I never added it as a friend. So, I was sitting here expecting things to come up on my friends page, and they never did. Now, I can't blame livejournal for my inactivity - it was all me, but I'm watching everything now, and I'll do graphics contests and all that. Don't know if I'm the best at the writing ones, but i shall try. I'm really sorry about the inactivity thing. *pout* Amelia just brought up Slytherin in my Journal, and I was just like, "oh, crap. That's a community I haven't been to in a while." I'll make it up to you guys.
With a little over a week left until the release of HBP -- and by little I mean about 2 hours until the midnight release -- I've been obsessing over any little detail that will clue us in to what happens in the plot. I feel like we knew so much more about OotP, and I'm kinda surprised that JKR hasn't updated her website in awhile. So when I found this, I was ecstatic. Without further ado...
I recently got sorted into Ravenclaw a little while back, so I just wanted to say "hi" to all my fellow 'Claws. I'm going to do my best to live up to the expectations of the Ravenclaw house -- but I'll be posting sporadically because I'm currently living in England for 6 weeks. *Squees* The downside is that while I do have wireless access (and I had to pay 12 pounds for it), it obviously doesn't like me very much because it has the tendency to blitz out. The upside is that in 11 days when "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" is released, I'll actually be in England to get my copy at midnight!!
So. Me in a nutshell. I'm a 20 y/o English major at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill (2005 ACC Champions) and I've lived in NC for about 12 years. I was born in New York City and that's where the rest of my family lives. I'm a devoted Anglophile and love everything British, and that devotion of course extends to Harry Potter. I hope to get to know all of you soon!!!
Having been recently sorted in ravenclaw, I feel it's fairly important for me to post a brief introduction, since my userinfo is criminally vague.
My name is Anna, I'm 23, and for the next 10 days I'm still living in Hungary. However, my contract then expires and I will be returning to Melbourne, Australia. I'm a linguist-go-PR-rep, and as such, I speak six languages with varying degrees of fluency, and I hope to one day become a diplomat or a politician. I love fiction writing, script writing and public speaking - I used to be an actress, but quit when I realized how canibalist the entertainment industry is. I love news networks, politics, long walks, chocolate and Harry/Draco slash, and I hate bigots, idiots, religious fanatics (of any variety), Hungary and wasps.
