Life of the Fallen

Been a while... I didnt really have anyother place to go sooo.. Im back. I dont know what it is but im just not happy.. Like something is missing.... I really wish I knew what it was. Im starting to feel lost..

You know after working in the same job for years I decided to go back to school...Now Im not gonna complain....sorta....But jeez why do they give so many tests, also you would think the way some of the classes are they would explain things better I have classes where The teacher wont even talk to us longer than 20 minutes which I geuss would be fine but its a 3 hour class and he leaves like almost right after he gets done speaking. That sucks though cause I actually kinda found the class interesting but I never know whats going on though...Funny part is I also found out the guy my teacher in that class assigned to help me catch up and to explain things to me at the beginning was in the same boat with me...And here I thought he didnt want to help cause he didnt feel like it...Turned out he was confused too and didnt know whats going on...He just asked me if I was passing our teaches class this morning..because he wasnt sure if he was.... ha....But I geuss Im wierd for finding that funny......

Bet yall didnt think you'd ever hear from me again huh? Well too bad...Lotta stuffs been happening lately....First.....*deep breath* I got a girlfriend.......Yup....Names Jessica..Shes such a sweety its kinda funny.*shrugs* You'll hear more about her later......Second I decided to go back to school which is where Im writing to you guys from right now....Yup...Me back in school....Weird. Im actually in english class right now....I totally failed that test...I havnt bought all the necessary books for school yet cause Im poor and we just got our first quiz in this class....*sigh* I just started school in August and I already hate it lol..... Reminds me of highschool....Weird crap. An jeez Ive been busy for like practically forever soo much homework....Its easy just time consuming. And some of it I cant do at home because I need the internet and a MAC....I swear school is not for people who dont have money....Well it is... But if you dont have money to begin with how do they expect you to be able to afford everything that is needed? I dont know..This is you favorite Raven Angel signing off.

Lately Ive been feeling stuck and troubled...I dont feel like I really have anyone to talk to about it...plus I dont think id really want to tell them....Stuff like this annoys me so Im sure it annoys them.....I fell like Im stuck in the middle of a crossroad that nothing but emotions karma an lifes other bullshit.....I dont know what to do with myself an I feel like shit on the inside.....I feel like Im fighting myself..and that Ive been doing it for sometime...an now its kinda getting to me....*sigh*
I dont feel at peace anymore.....It makes me wonder if I ever really was....
Sometimes I feel like I have way too many issues.

Yall know how I always said my life is horrible an crap...well without going into many details my life just collapsed around itself ....I lost someone who I thought would be there for me always and who made me feel good..she up and left me.......I have no more friends in this area...because the ones I have are pretty much about to let me go to prison for something I didnt do....an no one wants to help me out...so geuss what....no girl...no friends....and no freedom......Im losing everything.....and if I go Im going for a felony Im gonna get locked up for a long time....courts this friday....life really fucking sucks....


I really do miss my girl though.

There is absoulutely NO chance I would ever hate you...I know we had some rough times and I know I wasnt always the best person but...I could never ever hate you and you know who you are....Ive known you too long to ever hate you.....an you were the person that cared for me when I thought no one ever would.......What I feel for you will never go away.

the other day...well not the other day but yall know what I mean....Something happened that I I didnt think ever would again....Nettie talked to me...An I dont know how to describe it.It was like an emotional rush.....I havnt felt that way in a long time....it was sadness relief and happiness all at once.....I wanted to cry...I wanted to tell her how I felt an how glad I am to hear from her and and I still care an all of these things...But maybe thats me just being incredibly stupid incredibly stupid....Im not an emotional person like that anymore......but with her it all comes back, just from talking to her....*sigh* It worries me but at the same time it feels good......I really want to cry...but thats not something I do anymore.

Damn I kinda feel like someones trying to jumpstart my emotions and heart.But Im this way for a reason....I rather be a heartbreaker than the broken hearted.

well aparently I pissed off a girl I was hanging with an now she wants to fuck me up...*shrugs* I dont understand how people get pissed like that so quickly an easily....I can see why she would slightly be angry with me but damn.I dont know...so much crap I dont understand what all this drama is about .......

Your Seduction Style: Siren / Rake

You possess an unbridled sensuality that appeals to many. The minute you meet anyone, you can make the crave you almost immediately. You give others the chance to lose control with you... spiraling into carnal bliss. A dangerous lover, you both fascinate and scare those you attract.

damn....what the fuck...I can never just be happy...its always something....but do I have a right to be upset over shit?...my ex is being a fuck up..and personally she lost herself....but should I be upset over that?I dont have anything to do with it....But I am....she lost herself and when you lose yourself what does that make you...nothing....at the most it makes you whatever people want you to be...and I HAD more respect for her than that but shits changing so fast....the shit Im hearin is not kosher..its horrible...doesnt she remember how I was an shit....but people never really think its as bad when theyre doing it...even when it is.....should I even try to help...I know she doesnt want it but damn...or should I just leave it be....someone please help me...I dont normally ask for help...but I dont know what to do.