kristen

The lack of response has been absolutely heartbreaking - I mean, 72 hours BEFORE the storm, when Ray Nagin was grimly exhorting people to get out now, why, WHY weren't they airlifting (especially) the poor, the elderly, the sick OUT of there, round the clock? WHY, if they knew it was logistically impossible to get everyone out, why weren't there hospital ships waiting around the corner, on the other side of Florida, ready to be there the day after? (hey, here's a fucking idea: what if there were some sort of body...a guard possibly...that could be prepared to help in national times of crisis)

For all his fucking talk of pre-emption justifying his stupid personal war, given a full three days notice, with all the fancy satellite imagery inundating the news, with ALL the warnings to leave...why did Bush and his cohorts and all the people he controls just wait to see what was going to happen? "Well guys, it looks like a shitstorm, but ya know, what're ya gonna do? Guess we'll start thinking about it after it happens. Anyone up for some golf?"

In my mind it is like the equivalent of the terrorists involved with the WTC sending a message that was broadcast on every news station and published in every newspaper warning that they would destroy the twin towers in three days...and then when it happened all the "emergency preparedness" arms of the government were wringing their hands, "Wow, I can't believe it really happened! What do we do now?"

And another thing - most people who had the means to leave did leave. The healthy, (mostly) white, middle and upper classes are staying, more or less comfortably, with family, with friends in other cities and states now. They've been able to rent or buy up every house available in Lafayette, as a personal note. Their kids are starting school this week. Wouldn't it have been nice for everyone if New Orleans had been a majority rich white city? It isn't. So what does the entire nation see after the flooding begins? Tens of thousands of poor black people, waiting desperately for help, trapped in the attics or on the rooftops of the projects in which they once lived...and I can't help but wonder if the demographics of this city had anything at all to do with the tortoise-like speed with which the feds reacted. I hear it everyday at my job...the deep resentment at those people left behind, mixed with racist undertones just beneath the surface...as if the reason for all the looting, the shootings and even the murders is because of the race, and not the extreme poverty these people faced before the storm and the unimaginable desperation these people had to deal with afterwards.

It seems in the past ten years that hurricane seasons have been more volatile than usual. Given that we've been knowing the unique vulnerabilities of New Orleans and SE LA since its establishment, given that we all knew that exactly this sort of disaster was statistically bound to happen one day, it just seems to me that there should have been more preventative measures in place. Given that there were not, the federal goverment, FEMA, and whomever else should have been getting in there days before this thing hit.

All of that being said, its hard for people like me to know how to feel these days. My life most likely won't be drastically changed by this storm. Besides our 40,000+ new residents, empty gas pumps, and nasty traffic, life here has remained mostly normal. But myself and others still feel deep frustration and sadness...but I feel guilty about it, I feel I am not allowed to complain, because what have I lost? It is odd to be in limbo, affected, but not in a concrete way. So this is my way of getting a little off my shoulders.

and I'm very distressed about being up at this hour, too, as I have to be at work at 5am, which wouldn't be so bad if the allergy medicine I took five hours ago would let my brain reach sleep mode, but it won't, so I'll try not to worry too much. I'll just do what I normally do, i.e., take an extra long nap after work, which will in turn fuck up my entire sleep schedule for the rest of the week...man I'm TOO sensitive to things out of my routine, such as these random allergy attacks. This is why I do not take medicine ever, unless I'm absolutely miserable. Blah.

I don't know another person who has as much trouble sleeping at night as I do. I don't know anyone else who will wake up at a pin drop like I do, my mom still remembers that she had to work SO hard to get me to sleep when I was a baby, and that a simple misstep on the creaky old wooden floor would wake me up again. On the opposite side of things, I can sleep SO well during the day when I take a nap.

Any sleep doctors in the house?

So the cheapest plane ticket I can find is from JFK to Frankfurt, Germany, which will put me relatively close to my final destination, which is Prague. All my money will be spent this summer...but I'll have a future ticket to teach in Russia, where I will become fluent and undergo the harsh winters that I have been euphemistically calling "character-building experiences."

Some random coffee-shop customer (to be read in dumb jock voice for some reason): "Wow, you wanna go live in Russia? Its gonna be cold. Not like Louisiana."  (Very astute, coffee shop guy, very astute)

Me: "Yeah, its going to be a real *say it with me now* character building experience." Then I put 2% milk in his latte instead of skim...I mean...we don't do that. Never. We have the utmost respect for the dietary concerns of our clients.

I'm reading the Da Vinci Code, because everyone and their mom (and MY mom too) told me how great it was...now I generally shy away from the massively popular, and this book does lean towards the ridiculous - its characters are especially over the top...I mean, who are these people? First you've got the unassuming Harvard scholar who works with prisoners on the side, just to throw in a bit of do-gooding there. Then you've got this CRAZY albino who is into self flagellation in the name of God...and he's had this CRAAAAZY abusive life...then you've got the beautiful, intelligent, sophisticated criminal investigator type woman...not to mention the eccentric British guy on crutches and the evil bishop...its goes on and on like this. However; there are some redeeming qualities: just a tad bit synchronistically, I was already reading The Gnostic Gospels (a damned good academic work about Nag Hammadi finds) when I picked up Da Vinci Code, and there are a lot of decently accurate ideas about the struggle between all the different interpretations of what and who Jesus actually was, the struggle between the (overly simplistic) gnostics vs. orthodox, and the eventual codification of orthodox christianity. 

Anything that disseminates into the mass consciousness facts such as 1) what we know as the New Testament was not written by contemporaries of Jesus, and more importantly, 2) the contents of the bible were heavily edited by men who had a definite agenda aimed at consolidating authority and power during a time where many interpretations of Jesus/Christianity were at odds... 

...is fine by me. Its nothing new, its just not common knowledge among the "Jesus is your best buddy who will help you lose weight and succeed in the office" crowd. 

The religious studies major in me really leapt out tonight. I have to get up damned early. Pre-dawn. Over and out.

I return home today to find that the entire house stinks to high heaven! The culprit? An obscure (to us) Southeast Asian fruit known as durian. Holy CRAP, the smell is so pungent and potent...sort of like a sulfurous yet organic/sweet smell...yikes. My dad so thoughtfully brought it back from Houston, and proceeded to describe to me that, had the fruit been fresh, and not frozen as it was, the smell would've been quadruply bad...

 

Fig. 1: This guy's got the right facial expression for the smell.

I guess I've been put in my place, because I cringed when offered this fruit today.

But, I eventually I did try it, because, well, I pride myself on being that sort of person...comfort signals complacency...etc. And it wasn't terrible, but it did have this sweet, creamy, yet smoky flavor...really rich consistency, like avocado or mango....but I don't think I'll ever try it again. Fruit, unlike certain wines or lapsang souchdong tea, should NOT have smoky overtones.

In conclusion, I hope I never run into one of these bad boys freshly fallen from a tree.

Mitch Hedberg was one of the funniest people on the planet. It feels weird to be so sad about the death of someone you've never met, but there it is. In the summer of 2003, when I lived in Austin with Nathan and Lauren, we all went to see him headline at Capital City comedy club, and I think it was just about the most hilarious hour I've ever had the pleasure to witness. So many people will miss you. God bless.

I'm "so and so" in more ways than one! http://www.homestarrunner.com/tgsm…

 

So tonight I'm walking mindlessly through Target trying to find some wedding gifts for a friend of mine, quite unsuccessfully, I might add, when this music just entered into my head. It was this Mendelssohn piece I had choreographed some ballet steps to, because it is such light, springy music, amazing and lovely. I hadn’t thought about these steps in over half year, possibly closer to an entire year, but choreography, particularly the kind that you invent, doesn’t leave one’s consciousness easily. I thought nothing more of it...

 

Until, less than ten minutes later, that exact piece of music, at the exact point in the music is what is playing on the NPR station I listen to when I get into my car. What is a little stranger, and not to make a mountain out of a molehill, is that these kinds of things happen to me all the time. Mini-premonitions, of small details that seemingly have little or no importance, daily-life kinds of things. Work is where I get it most. I can predict certain customers sometimes…just like the piece of music, a certain person will pop up in my mind, and they’ll walk in, usually less than two minutes later. It happens with phrases, titles, songs especially…now, like I said, none of this is really new to me. In my bad OCD days when I was 12-13 years old, when it happened I was actually fearful of this weird little ability. Its just that I’ve been paying attention to it more because I’ve been reading, among other things, the Dune trilogy by Frank Herbert, which, if ya don’t know, involves everything I love about science fiction, psychic-ish stuff (I know, I know, the word’s got a goofy connotation, but don’t judge me.), true religion (not that processed easy-access crap they spout at most organized churches, etc.), AND its got a map. All great made up worlds should have some sort of map. It makes it feel so realistic and entirely believable.

 

Frank Herbert was a WWII vet, and incidentally, so was Walter M. Miller, author of A Canticle for Leibowitz, one of my very very favourite books of all time. Chekhov was a medical doctor and he wrote plays, and many other of the Russian authors I know about had other full-fledged careers other than writing. Maybe that’s why Russian literature is superior to most anything else I’ve read…more life experience. Harder times can produce deeper people…perhaps.

 

I’ve been so much more social lately thanks to all my peeps at the coffee shop (Lacie, Brooks, Travis, Jen, et al), my lil’ sis, whom I’ve been recently getting to be friends with, and of course, Chesley, my last link to the old Baton Rouge crowd of yesteryear. Nathan, you totally don’t count since all you do is play vidya games and watch “Max X.” Youse guyses (except Nathan) rock!

 

favrit new website: www.homestarrunner.com – esp. Strong Bad emails, Peasant Quest, and Teen Girl Squad!

 

music of choice: godspeed you black emperor and secret chiefs 3, mostly because of the percussive elements. Must obtain drum and quit using the desktop or steering wheel…

 

yeah that’s about it. Hopefully some Austin pictures will appear soon, and perhaps I’ll even update this more than once every half a year.

 

Just kidding Nath, you know I love you.

I opened Internet Explorer to Yahoo news just now and what do I see but these two headlines, side by side...

37 Troops Killed in Deadliest Day in Iraq (AP):  "...heaviest single-day loss of life for the United States since the Iraq war began. The guerrillas also carried out a string of attacks nationwide against schools that will serve as polling centers"

*and*

Bush Upbeat on Vote but Warns Iraqis Need to Take Initiative (NYTimes):  (Bush speaking):"...But it is the long-term objective that is vital, and that is to spread freedom. Otherwise, the Middle East will continue to be a cauldron of resentment and hate, a recruiting ground for those who have this vision of the world that is the exact opposite of ours."

The administration's stubborn dedication to ignoring reality is exhaustive and the bubble's wall within which the administration continues to operate within must grow thicker by the day.

The absurdity, as always, needs no help revealing itself.

Visually and aurally overloaded with awesomeness.

In the past 5 days I have heard/seen/obtained:
The Life Aquatic
Christopher O'Riley plays Radiohead (yes!)
Book of Horizons (Secret Chiefs 3)- technically heard before but now I own...
Balanchine videos - Agon, Apollo, etc.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2nd viewing)

oh, and landed excellent roles in the upcoming ballet (March 19, hint hint)

Which can only lead me to conclude that I've spent my New Year's days off well.

=)

They're thinking, "HOLY SHIT! I'M GLAD WE MOVED TO THE US AND DIDN'T GET EATEN ALIVE BY THAT TSUNAMI!!"

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/675482…

Damn...

It occurs to me that sometimes I wish I was a hell of a lot more exciting...or interesting...I mean, I feel that I am perfectly fascinating, but no one I meet fascinates me equally, or if I do manage to meet someone whom I perceive as equally deep, there is an obvious, sort of painful, lack of interest.

Things to think about for the upcoming year:

1. I don't really know myself and, by extension, do not truly know what I want, which makes clarity in all aspects of life quite difficult.

2. I feel a deep emptiness, or lack of something meaningful in life - the closest approximation that I can think of (not a good one, mind you) is a void that can only be filled with something that feels spiritual. This longing for something that words do little justice to cannot be filled by another person. I've got to become happy, satisfied, content with myself, which of course loops back around to my lack of self-knowledge...

3. This is by no means a new problem to people. Those whom are perceptive, consumed with thought, have struggled with these sorts of things throughout the ages.

4. I suspect that my plans to leave the country may mask these inner core feelings/longings/what have you for a while with the sparkly, shiny-object novelty of a new landscape, but in time the distraction will wear off.

5. I am not an atheist, but I'm certainly not religious in that folly of a conventional way either. To the types who say, "oh well, you just live life, none of it is supposed to mean anything, it just sucks, then you die, etc," there is something more! It is just damned elusive, and universal, as far away as the next galaxy, and closer to you than your jugular.

6. I'm really not depressed - it is something more subtle. The problem (I tell myself) is, that I am so busy with ballet, work, and getting enough sleep, etc., that I don't have time to search for whatever it is I'm searching for. But then, in my rare week or day of leisure, I fall into the pattern of laziness and boredom. It doesn't take very long for me to get bored, and almost immediately afterwards comes the depression. There is an in-between space that I always miss. There is always time for searching, no matter how busy I feel. Alternately, I should never be so bored that I get depressed with myself.

'nuff rambling for tonight. I'm going to read some sci-fi from the mind of one Philip K. Dick.