Bob Marley is more hardcore than you emo kids.

This journal is now FRIENDS ONLY. If you want to be my friend, leave your name, number, and I'll get back to you.

..grandpa died. he was a drunken child molester. im kind of glad he died. and im going to hell for that one..oh well.

my family is really really weird, were all drug addicts or child molesters.

that makes me VERY SAD. because i like little boys so damn much.

yeah, im in the art show tuesday, woo. i guess mr parrish still has this notion in his odd little head that im talented. im not talented, i just know what goes where and how to put it there. it makes a nice substitute, anyway.

i think im going to go try and shoot small animals now. bai bai.

ps- im not crazy. im just incredibly stressed out.

i just want to move back to huntsville. i want to go back where i have true friends. i want to go back where i am loved. i want to go where i can be free.

i want to move to new orleans. i want to be with my family. i want to be in a place where people arent up my ass constantly. i want to be in a place where people are themselves. i want to be near my heritage. i want to commit a crime and have it mean nothing.

i want to be loved for who i am. i want my crazy spells to disappear with one word. i want someone who can hold me the right way and not leave me heartbroken the next week. i want someone who is patient. i want to mean something to someone. i want to heal someones heart.

i want to drink.
i want to get some morphine.
but i know i wont...because even if i hate you, i loved you enough to stop. i loved you more than i loved my lifestyle.

i want to be the vice president of my class rather than holding the title. i want to be honest about myself. i want to stop making everyone laugh, and make people cry...i want to be less honest. i want to be more socially acceptable. i want to stop proving myself through grades and the opinions of others. i want to be able to love the people that love me.

i want to lose 20 lbs. i want to have long, naturally blonde hair..i want to have long legs, and look more grown up. i want to be pretty. maybe he'd give a shit....

i want to be able to hold my breath for 3 minutes underwater. i want to be a better artist. i want to be better at math. i dont want to be hit on by teachers anymore.

lonely night.

ive been such a drunken fool. stop breaking my heart.

oidfzmoihfnoihgfiuhniohngfziohngfingfinjgfionjizgfjniozfghniogfnhgfuinfgnjufgjniufg...................WHY COULDN'T THIS HAVE HAPPENED SIX MONTHS AGO. OR WHY NOT?

jon actually listened to me. that is weird. not back then..no....i was his ex-girlfriend, off limits, etc etc etc.


he broke up with jeanette last night.

he's moving back here.


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yaaaah. the one he dumped me for. i refuse to divulge any other info, except that i cried last night, and i'm crying again. no one let me get my hopes up.

at school....again...dfginfdiudn

mee maw says that I'm in detox, therefore, I don't need to go to the show on friday. i almost cried. i also tried to convince, she said she'd think about it. to prove my point i typed up a new home contract thingy and faxed it to her during first period...beh. she doesn't take me seriously, though i can't really blame her...or could i? no use. all i can do is hope that she knows I wouldn't be going through this crap if I didn't want to get back to myself.

i've been stressed all day, but I finally got a good nights' sleep last night. I kind of woke up at 3 am but I got back to sleep, so that's definitely an improvement. and I puked once. rather than four times.

I'm feeling much better, but I've got a ways to go. a long ways. but hopefully not as trying.

time to go back to newspaper YAY so yeah, leave me nice comments so i don't cry. somehow i know i'll be able to convince. -=prays=

i'm slowly being choked by this snake around my neck. it constitutes of anger, misery, and jealousy. to drive myself from the pain, the venom flows from the razor sharp fangs into my veins. then...my body refuses to die, even after my constrictor has fallen, dead, to the ground.

a lovely poem from caleb, about me.

sort of.

- oh how to start, i do not know. whjat it is that i am thinking while the wind doth blow.
through the days of gloomy october
i knew her even still through this bittersweet november
not much it was that i knew
but evennow during the zephyr
presence of happiness in my own life i dream and ponder
searching through the coffers of my mind fondelling the gold coins
which are my hopes and dreams
i explode in erratic fury upon realizing my devastating dreams
injecting its poison into the perfect stage, her
why does thist ake place many wonder
deteriorating image of the one swimming through my mind is hitting the wall
shall i keep it and cause pain or let it free and replace it with the original
i open the floodgates now the repeairs must be made to contain the new found glory
the tool of the wretched has the power to corrupt all
but many just ignore it
not this one
my clear thinking aura crafted upon her helps her see the way
will it work?
i pray it does conversion is the way and i shall lead
cut the snacke and it still moves
destroy it to get rid of it and so i shall quash the demon and its minions
this is only the beginning of the quest and there is still a long way to go
i learned that it is possible to dilude even dissolve intelligence but who needs their wits while they are getting a fix?
agonizing demise of the life is catyclysmic when looking at the plan.
and in the end i shall put a stop to the flow of the venom and cure the sickness which ails her. accept this i pray she does and understand i am here to help

i am so fucking lonely.

i hate living this way. i need companionship. i need someone to hold me and help me rebuild the self i used to be.

hmm. off drugs. two days. feeling weird. do not want anyone to run over squirrels. bad experience. love taco bell. hate eating. hate most people. love to be hugged. need to be loved.


thats how i can sum up my day.

i am feeling very weird. i can type, earlier today i couldnt have qualified for a jenga competition in a retirement home. or for anything. except maybe admissions into a mental health center.

i hate withdrawal it is bad. dont do drugs kids.

someone come hold my hand while i deal with this shit. and while i feel my organs being ripped apart inside my abdomen. ouch.