It's been years since my last entry....
But I realize now LJ is the only place I can truly go to vent. Too many family and friends on other social networks.
I wish I could have a happy entry. Things have gotten worse these past few years. My grandmother died suddenly, my relationship with my dad seems to be nonexistent, and I lost a job that I had for 8 years.
Now I've gotten a new job. That was never an issue, me finding work. But I had gotten attached to my last one. I never thought I would be a nanny. That job just fell in my lap and I realized I was really good at it. I've always gotta along with the elderly and children best. So I spent 8 years with this family and suddenly I wasn't needed anymore. Just like that. That stung.
Another thing is my living situation. I still live my aunt and uncle. It's had it ups and downs throughout the years. But lately is extremely bad. It's my own fault for not moving out sooner, but they were ones insisting that I stay. They said they liked having me around and it was nice to have someone help out around the house. My aunt and uncle have had their own issues and well it's boiled to the point where the fire is being aimed at me. It started with the little things. Critiques on how I cleaned the kitchen, bathrooms, etc. Then they started giving me extra "projects." Digging up the flower beds, laying down gravel, and chopping trees. The cleaning was getting out of hand. I would clean the entire kitchen and go to work. Then I'd come home and it looked a like bomb hit it. I'm expected to clean everything now. My aunt does nothing anymore around the house. Now I've offered to pay rent or a utility to help out, they've always refused.
I recently took on a second job. I need more money if I'm going to move out. This has created an issue because I'm not here enough to keep up with the cleaning and other chores. Now when I'm home I do still keep the kitchen clean but I can't get to the other things. The past few months they've been dropping hints that the kitchen can't go three days with dishes still all over the counter. I to,d them if they can load their own dishes I would empty. That didn't sit too well.
Well, tonight the shit hit the fan. My aunt ambushed me when I got home from work saying the yesterday's dishes were still on the counter waiting to be washed. I didn't know what to say. I feel like I'm their slave. I told those dishes weren't even mine and that I just got home from a long shift. That's when my uncle flew into the room and started yelling. He said I was entitled freeloader. That I was living off of them and not helping out. He said I need to start helping out or else. I asked what did he mean. He said he wants me out. I told him I was already planning on moving and he said I need to be out by July. He said if I'm not out by July he'd call the police. I can't believe he's that mad. I'm into sure what caused things to escalate so badly. I don't know where all this hostility is coming from.
So now I'm working 19 hours a day and saving as much as I can. I'm fighting off the depression as best as I can. I know things will get better, but it's hard being alone with it all. Don't have anyone on my side or that I can talk to. Every night on the drive to work I pray. It's like a 20 minute talk with God every night.
It's not fun being not wanted. It seems like I've lost my family. When I move out its going to take a lot for me to speak to them again.
I wish I could have a happy entry. Things have gotten worse these past few years. My grandmother died suddenly, my relationship with my dad seems to be nonexistent, and I lost a job that I had for 8 years.
Now I've gotten a new job. That was never an issue, me finding work. But I had gotten attached to my last one. I never thought I would be a nanny. That job just fell in my lap and I realized I was really good at it. I've always gotta along with the elderly and children best. So I spent 8 years with this family and suddenly I wasn't needed anymore. Just like that. That stung.
Another thing is my living situation. I still live my aunt and uncle. It's had it ups and downs throughout the years. But lately is extremely bad. It's my own fault for not moving out sooner, but they were ones insisting that I stay. They said they liked having me around and it was nice to have someone help out around the house. My aunt and uncle have had their own issues and well it's boiled to the point where the fire is being aimed at me. It started with the little things. Critiques on how I cleaned the kitchen, bathrooms, etc. Then they started giving me extra "projects." Digging up the flower beds, laying down gravel, and chopping trees. The cleaning was getting out of hand. I would clean the entire kitchen and go to work. Then I'd come home and it looked a like bomb hit it. I'm expected to clean everything now. My aunt does nothing anymore around the house. Now I've offered to pay rent or a utility to help out, they've always refused.
I recently took on a second job. I need more money if I'm going to move out. This has created an issue because I'm not here enough to keep up with the cleaning and other chores. Now when I'm home I do still keep the kitchen clean but I can't get to the other things. The past few months they've been dropping hints that the kitchen can't go three days with dishes still all over the counter. I to,d them if they can load their own dishes I would empty. That didn't sit too well.
Well, tonight the shit hit the fan. My aunt ambushed me when I got home from work saying the yesterday's dishes were still on the counter waiting to be washed. I didn't know what to say. I feel like I'm their slave. I told those dishes weren't even mine and that I just got home from a long shift. That's when my uncle flew into the room and started yelling. He said I was entitled freeloader. That I was living off of them and not helping out. He said I need to start helping out or else. I asked what did he mean. He said he wants me out. I told him I was already planning on moving and he said I need to be out by July. He said if I'm not out by July he'd call the police. I can't believe he's that mad. I'm into sure what caused things to escalate so badly. I don't know where all this hostility is coming from.
So now I'm working 19 hours a day and saving as much as I can. I'm fighting off the depression as best as I can. I know things will get better, but it's hard being alone with it all. Don't have anyone on my side or that I can talk to. Every night on the drive to work I pray. It's like a 20 minute talk with God every night.
It's not fun being not wanted. It seems like I've lost my family. When I move out its going to take a lot for me to speak to them again.
energetic