Random Rant

This is the first year I've ever had to worry about finals. The fact that two out of four of my teachers are crap and haven't covered any information makes next week's finals already unbearable, and the fact that one of those crappy teachers has decided to give us homework on top of a 4-5 page study guide is impossible. We're eighth graders, give us a break.

J knows better than to push me when I feel depressed... I've told her a hundred times, she's experienced the results a few times when she ignored it... and despite this she tries to make me feel bad because *I* ruined everyone's mood this weekend because she pushed and pushed and I exploded... duh! If you push I explode... that's why you don't push!... I am allowed to be depressed...if my timing sucks, then so be it.. I'm not the one who "fell out of love", I'm not the one who broke my heart and expects me to be "happy go lucky gal"... I'm not the one who thinks my feelings don't matter unless they impact her's or A's... oh.. yeah... A means a hell of a lot more to J than I do... always has and always will... doesn't matter that we were supposedly in love and she moved 200 miles to live with me... the minute she arrived it A this and A that and oh I can't believe how much I miss A... I think the only reason she dated me for more than a couple of weeks is because she wanted to live in Seattle and wanted to get A away from L even more... I was just a means to that end... Hell I still support them financially... K pays a third of the rent and half the bills for A, but I'll bet you the minute A finds a job, and J finds a better one, K and I will be totally out of the picture faster than we can blink... I already feel like a guest in my own home... the one where I pay over two-thirds of the rent... the one where I have half a bedroom and a corner of the dining room to call my own... and even then everything I see or hear or eat depends on their whims... who cares if I hate the stupid ass shows they watch or never get to listen to the music I like or get to eat food that isn't preprocessed white trash food every f-ing day... if they even remember that I need to eat too. What I need or want doesn't matter... they have each other, they get fed and housed for free... what more could they want? Who gives a fuck that A is married to K or that I'm still in love with J...and why my heart hasn't given up yet I have no f-ing clue... who cares as long as A has J and J has A... no one else matters... The shit of it is, is that I understood how much A meant to J, I understood that friends are a relationship outside of romantic relationships... or I though I understood.. there's the little fact that J broke up with me barely a week after we moved A up to Seattle... that says something doesn't it?... that the last year of my life has been an utter and total lie...Goddess but that hurts!... I can't write any more right now.

"I feel the need to write this email as i have a lot of negative feelings about certain things. When you asked me to go to that club i called in sick and hoped the night would go well. When i saw you at Richmond Station i was pleasantly surprised. I thought you were attractive and stylish. You were also friendly and easy-going. When we got to the club and were in the queue you asked me twice if you could come back to my place after the club. I said yes. When we got into the club soon after you said that you liked me a lot. I said that i liked you too. Things were going fine. A while later you ended up dancing with a guy there. You started snogging him really heavily despite what you said to me before. You kissed him for a long time not giving a shit about my feelings. Later you went up to me and snogged me for a short time. I was a little confused at that point to say the least. You've made me feel worthless and unattractive. So you remember the guy as being fit but don't even remember what i look like? Thank's a lot. I've felt so bad you cannot imagine. I wish i'd left you lying on the street. Oh yeah and i'm not sure if i believe you about your foot being broken. I've had assholes let me down way too many times. Do some a favour and do they return it? No. Did you also have to rub it all in when you mentioned about shagging some turd in Kingston last sunday? Oh yeah and mind your own fucking business. What's it got to do with you if i slept with my ex? If she was good in bed? You're insensitive and sex-obsessed. Wish i'd never met you. You are NOT my type. Bye."


Firstly Id just like to say that e-mail has really pissed me off. I didn't even know he liked me that way and even if I did I don't need his permission to pull another bloke as we weren't going out or married and I'm not legally binded to him. Thats just the typical male attitude and of course I get called a slapper for pulling two blokes in one night, heaven forbid. I'm 16, most girls who are 16 to do that, he's 26 so obviously going to be different for him. If he liked me of course it was going to hurt him seeing me pulling another bloke, but big deal, he has to get over it, its happened to me a billion times seeing a bloke I just pulled, pulling another girl. Your not a slapper cuz you pull two blokes in one night, a slapper is someone who sleeps around and I don't do that. I've slept around a bit yeah, but I don't just sleep with anyone, thats what being a slapper is, just sleeping with anyone. Its also not my fault he felt worthless and un attractive, I'm not going to ruin my night worrying whether I'm upsetting him every 5 seconds. I FUCKING HATE MEN