There's a last time for everything...
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| Sometimes I have to wonder what the point of being social is. No matter what I do, it's not good enough. I try to be appeasing of what others want to see or hear and they say I'm hiding something. I try to be perfectly honest because as a friend once told me "everything you ever feel is justified and acceptable at least by the fact that you are feeling it." I absolutely appreciate the sentiment, but it just never plays out that way, seems like every time I try to talk to people while thinking that way I piss someone off. People don't want to hear the truth, they just want to hear what they want to hear, what ever that may be. You could tell a person every single detail about yourself, but in the end all they'll remember is that which they care about, never that which is most important to you that they know. I guess it's just like Mr. Freeman (Chairman of ITT Tech's IT department) and probably millions if not billions of others have said; "LIFE IS NOT FAIR." If it were then maybe people would give you a chance to explain what something you said to someone else who was not intended to repeat it to you meant before they reacted, something you planed to hold your silence about indefinitely because it wasn't that big of a deal until this one person brought the matter up in conversation first with a similar sentiment. If life were fair people wouldn't project their own emotional states on to others and then start to distance from you because they can't accept what they perceive you to be which really is what they are and have been and can't reconcile within themselves. Even though you will never read this (Mike/Mary/Kaya/Morgan/Nick/even Leslie to a remotely lesser extent), if life were fair I would have been there for you all these years instead of watching it all slip away just because I never was able to convince myself that it's ok for me to call or write you especially when you never call or write me. But life isn't fair, and so I really don't care that much about any of these things so much as the people involved (thus if one of these gripes are about you then relax because it's not a big deal I just couldn't think of any good and personal examples of how life's not fair.) So back to the point, life’s not fair, neither balance nor justice, nor even karma truly ever exist. They are all just precepts our minds have invented to keep our under developed craniums remotely sane. Society is inescapable, for even in escaping you are serving its needs. The will of the masses will railroad you without a second thought if it serves their purposes. And forever and always, never forget that you may mean everything to the one you love, but probably mean nothing at all to the one by whom you may be killed. –Insert more random thoughts here as a closing statement-- And it is for these and so many more reasons that I have decided that this account will be friends only on 6/27/05, and those friends will be severely cut down to majoritavely those who live out of state. If you still want to know about my life enough, try calling or writing or emailing or IMing(admittedly rarely) or just visiting once in a while (what, 5 is not enough options?) I’m sick of reading public announcements, I want to hear it in the words you would choose while actively thinking of me (and maybe that’s a little demanding to ask, but I am a demanding person and in return I am relentlessly loyal to my friends.) But I really don’t need the backlash of bullshit that is all that has come of my continued existence within the bounds of these servers. Regardless I love you all, if by chance you need my contact info leave a comment with some way for me to give it to you (like email). Catch you on the flipside hopefully, Beau | |
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