Tim's Tavern

So here's my day today:

I woke up and felt horrible, really didn't think I'd be able to make it into work. But, I dragged my ass outta bed and in I went. I knew that I for the most part wouldn't be allowed to work in the deli due to the fact that I'm sick. It's just the way things are understandably so. I figured I'd have to help up front, or throw stock or, due to the way I'm sure I looked just be flat out sent home. Well.....none of the above happened. No sir, Steve in all his infinite wisdom decides that the best place to put his sick employe is on the lot to clear carts. Yes indeed folks you read that right, today being as nasty, wet, rainy and down right dreadfull as it was. I was outside in it from 12-4:30, workin my ass off tryin to keep the lot clear. I couldn't believe it when he said that to me.
So I can't wait to see what I've gotta do when I go in tomorrow.

In other news.....


Not to much has been goin on as of late really. Well, there was one thing today. Let me explain.

I left work at 4:30 flat out told Steve that if he wanted me back in here tomororw that I needed to go lay down before I fell down. He whined for a bit, but none the less I went home. I was only home for about 20mins when my phone rang. It was my father, who asked "Do you know where your mother is?" To which I replied "Ummmm...no, can't say that I do pop." Now then, the response I was expecting was again not what I got(lot of that goin around today) I was waiting for some dumbass joke like my father usually tells. But what I got instead was this...

Well, she's in the hospitial Tim. She was taken by ambulence earlier this afternoon. She collapsed at home and Ron freaked out, she even stopped breathing at one point.

If anyone knows me at all, they know that out of everything that bothers me nothing comes close to knowing that someone I care about is hurt, sick or in some sort of distress and I'm helpless to do anything about it. (Something along these lines happened last christmas when Amanda was outta town. I drove myself nuts worrying about her.) Which is excatly how I felt as soon as he told me that. So my obvious next question was, "What hospital is she in?" found that she was in Altamonte Springs. Right into the truck I go, stop and buy her some flowers and I'm off.

I arrive at the hospital and give the guy my mothers name and ask her where she is. Guy says she still in the ER and to go and check there. Gotta say he was rahter nice and polite. Off to the ER I go, which is just around the bend thankfully. Get to their front desk give the same info and ask the same question, she's in room 11 I'm told. Through the sliding metal door and down the hallway I go to room 11 to find........nothing, the room is empty. I grab the nearest doctor and once again ask my question, this time I'm told that she'd be discharged not 5mins ago. How nice of them to let everyone else know that.

To cut to the end, I met up with my father at my house and my mom seems to be doing ok. She's still really, really weak and I'm still really, really, really, really, really, really worried about her. Even more so than usual now, I love my mother very much. And that's putting it mildly, and like I said above. Knowing she's in as much pain as she is and knowing that there is nothing I can do about it drives me insane. It absoloutly kills me to see my mom this way, hurts me in ways I wouldn't wish on anyone.

I just want her to be ok, that's all.

Well, if your still here then perhaps you wouldn't mind doing me a favor. Those of you who read this, if it's something you do, please pray for her. I have a really bad feeling about this and she needs all the help she can get. Thank you.

Goodnight for now ladies and germs.

Since most havn't found my other lj yet. I figured it's best to share what's goin on in my head. This is a true report of how I was feeling at the time.

You tell youself that you'd never do it again. You promise people that you'd never do it again. But, then you find yourself sitting alone and feeling just like you did before. And the only thing that you can think of is, gee I'd really just love to watch myself bleed right about now.

What is it that pushes someone to this point, and why do they do it. It's just hoping that it makes the pain go away is all I can say.

There are some promises that I just can't keep and some that I've tried so hard to hold on to. Only to realize that she doesn't indeed give a fuck about me anymore. Never realized she could be so cold, but I guess it's whats best for her and I did in fact say that I just wanted her to be happy.

To that I say this, any promise I made during that time is now void and no longer holds any meaning, feeling or value with me what so ever. I'm to the point I guess that she must be at. All it takes is just to see a picture and it pisses me off to no end. What the fuck is up with that, how can you go from loving someone that much, to never wanting to see them again?

Well, guess I just gotta roll with the punches.

I've put my own feelins aside for far to long. Tried my best to make sure that everyone else was happy. And when I finally did check on myself I was mess, a complete broken down mess. I just can't live like that anymore.

If you've read this far don't worry, I'm not gonna sit here and carve my arm up with a kitchen knife. Wouldn't want to give certain people the satisfaction of knowing some things still hurt me more than they should.

Like it says in my bio, this is my place to vent. I even warned you. Sometimes it just helps to write down everything that your feeling. Difference with me is, I share it.

You can think of me what you will, and say what you want about me. Spread all the rumors you like. I don't care anymore, to those who would do that I say this...Fuck You.

Goodnight everyone.

Well ladies and gentlemen it's been fun. But I'm afraid the time has come to leave. And by leave I mean start a new lj :)

That's right folks my now world famous...er..localy famous..umm...ok so I'm not famous, but if you'd still like to follow along on this happy little trip I call my life then by all means log on to:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/s…

Just copy and paste :)

Be sure to add me to your friends list. Hope to see you all there.

Well ladies and gentlemen, it's seems that christmas is here once again. This is just me saying Merry Christmas to everyone. From Josh right on down the line, Andrew, Mark, all my friends at work, Amanda(yes I wish her a merry christmas) Becky, and to any I missed I wish you all the best on this christmas day. I do hope you all got what you asked for.

Oh and before I forget, Becky...I'll get you all those cookies I owe you one of these days :)

Love ya all

Well as I type this it is currently 37 degrees outside. Was listenin to this song earlier and just thought it fit my mood. Well, more like my mood from yesterday. Today on the other hand...hehe, today I got to have some fun and piss my boss off. How'd I do it you ask? Well sit back and I'll tell you all about it.

Ok, so there's really not much to tell. All that drama was pretty much for nothing..lol... The fun was I got to inform him of my new avialibility for work. Which is now 9-7 on the weekdays, and 9-9 on the weekends. I work no later so don't even ask me too. :)

I'm going back to school this coming semester and it's high fucking time I applied myself and proved to my parents once and for all that yes in fact I am capable of going to college and kicking it's ass. This is hard to do though when you work from 2-11 and your average bedtime is somewhere around 5 in the monrning ish. Hell I didn't go to bed until the sun was comin up this morning.


Sigh, oh well all this and more will change once school starts. I'm gonna get my life back damint!!!!

And now here's that song I was talking about in the begining of this rant..er..I mean post. :)


TRAPPED UNDER ICE

I don't know how to live through this hell
Woken up, I'm still locked in this shell
Frozen soul, frozen down to the core
Break the ice, I can't take anymore

Freezing, can't move at all
Screaming, can't hear my call
I am dying to live
Cry out
I'm trapped under ice

Crystallized as I lay here and rest
Eyes of glass stare directly at death
From deep sleep I have broken away
No one knows, no one hears what I say

Freezing, can't move at all
Screaming, can't hear my call
I am dying to live
Cry out
I'm trapped under ice

Scream from my soul
Fate mystified
Hell forevermore

No release from my cryonic state
What is this? I've been stricken by fate
Wrapped up tight, cannot move, can't break free
Hand of doom has a tight grip on me

Freezing, can't move at all
Screaming, can't hear my call
I am dying to live
Cry out
I'm trapped under ice

Saw Lemony Snickit today, must say I thought it was a great movie. Wouldn't mind seeing it again. Not to much else happened today. Feelin a bit down at the moment, not really sure why. But, this is just the way life goes I suppose. Did have some fun tonight though.

Sigh

Fuck, yes that's right I said Fuck. Thats pretty much how I'm feelin right now. I've got a long, bad, fucked up, can't stand the people I know I'm gonna have to work with, hate my job, wish I was dead and feel like screaming at everyone day ahead of me........

Wish me luck.

Well I was gonna type a whole bunch of stuff in there. But I've learned over time and many mistakes that it's best to no do such things while drunk. So, this post will be pretty much about nothing.

Saw someone at Denny's the other night, don't think they noticed me though. Hadn't seen them in a while, would have liked to have gone over and talked to them, but the time has passed for such things. And that still makes me sad :(

Let's see, how else do I feel right now?

Well, If I told you...I'd be going against what I said in the begining of this post. So, I'm gonna sign off for now folks.

Goodnight

Might I just say that the Return of the King Extended Edition kicks much ass. I'm lookin forward to watching it again, and again and so on and so forth.

Ok, this is gonna sound sort of childish but... I actually talked to a random girl at work today. Do believe I could have gotten her phone number as well, not sure why I didn't ask. I just sort of ran outta time, my boss was glarin at me. But, I managed to make her laugh a few times and sustain a conversation. Which is way more than I normaly do. Normaly I walk by a few times and smile and that's the end of that.

Oh, I didn't ask that girl in my class out. I finished my exam before she did and I was too damned hungry to wait for her. Oh well, she wasn't really my type anyways.

Anywho, that's about it for today. Aside from a Gutiar lesson I've got tomorrow off. :)

I'm lost....