Help a trans queer mixed race guy with AuDHD get away from a toxic family environment

AAAlright I really hate to do this but it seems I have no other options. I need to get away from this place. I care about my family, but we've all been through many things and it ends up with us in conflict. It's a difficult topic to talk about so I won't go into too many details, but there has been emotional neglect, name-calling, and physical abuse. Social services has been called on this household twice in my lifetime. It makes it more difficult that I am doubly neurodivergent, queer, and have suffered with mental health issues, which my parents don't understand or know how to deal with.

I can't stand being here now that I have had a taste of freedom at university, now being treated like a child again is unbearable. I can't relax here and it's taking a toll on my mental health and my studies. I am now having symptoms of PTSD and they are only getting worse. I need therapy, I need a storage unit for my things and a moving service, and I need to cover some rent.

If I am able to get out, it would greatly improve my mental health. I could strive for dreams that have been looked down upon by my family for so long. I could achieve a good mark in university, spend next summer learning to drive, maybe even purchase a car once I have a good job. It will also improve my relationship with my entire family, as I could have contact with them on my terms. The possibilities are endless once I get out - but for now I am severely limited by my circumstances.

Every single donation or share is an amazing help. Thank you so much for letting me leave this place and letting me achieve my dreams. I am so thankful to you all for taking the time to read this.

Thanks to a lovely anonymous individual, I'm now at 50/7000!

I have begun the process of moving my stuff. And by that I mean I've ordered a bunch of boxes online to see if that's enough to put all my stuff in.

I will be moving back to university on the 22nd of September. I need money for the moving service (which shouldn't be too expensive, actually) and at least some money for the storage unit until then. I have savings (don't worry I haven't just jumped into this impulsively, my ADHD isn't that bad) but they are not massive and student loans can't cover everything. Rent can wait as I have arrangements for term time rent, as can therapy because there's a 3-5 month wait even though I'm paying privately.

But Rain, why are you paying privately for therapy when you live in a country with universal healthcare?

Because 1. I don't want to wait 3 years for help, and 2. There is nothing on the NHS for mild or moderate CPTSD, if PTSD can be called mild. Access to therapy services can't treat CPTSD and community mental health teams only treat the 'most severe' of cases. So people with CPTSD who aren't having a crisis get no help from the NHS, at least in my area.

Does this sound like bullshit? Yeah, because it is! Feel like helping a fella out? Consider donating! Feel like helping a fella out but have no money? Consider reblogging! Or liking! I know that doesn't do much on this website but like it makes me feel better to know that people can actually see this!

Thanks! Sorry for the wall of text!

Boosting again! Pleased to say that I am now back at uni. My mental health is having heavy ups and downs - I've never been so happy and at the same time I've not had a crisis like the one I had a couple weeks ago in years. Unfortunately I haven't got enough money yet to move my stuff out of my parents house so it is still not fully safe for me to attempt to cut them off more (and probably won't be until I get my full time job hopefully around August 2026 - I'll get there eventually!)

I am seeking therapy due to this, the person who donated £50 has paid for my first therapy session so thanks so much again to them!!! Please consider sharing if you can't donate, it would really help me out a lot.

Look, it's simple. If a person has to actively work to make money, they're not "the rich" and they're not the problem. A surgeon making $200k a year still stops making money if they stop showing up to do surgery, because they're still selling their labor. The radical discrepancies in how we value different skills are certainly a problem, but the guy who makes money when he doesn't even get out of bed is the one making money on the value of other people's labor.

Time for my favorite chart!

Notice billions ain't even on there. Outliers something something.

Also want to highlight that this breakdown is based on liquid assets, not annual income or total net worth. Someone who earns $200K per year doesn't necessarily have $200K in liquid assets.

I’ve been working on discomfort testing. I think it’s important for anyone who grew up super chronically online (or everyone really). Basically I try to put myself in situations where I’m uncomfortable with increasing severity. If you think you’re “lazy” because you just can’t force yourself to walk every day or you just can’t force yourself to clean your room or something like that you might wanna try discomfort testing.

I have big and small tests. A small test can look like: setting a 10 minute timer and cleaning as much as I can within that time. Walking around the block and seeing how many times I can tell myself “just one more block.” Forcing myself to read and pay attention to the most boring book I can find in my local library (they don’t usually end up being as boring as they look).

Big tests are like: forcing myself to go to a party where I know my ride is dependent on someone so I can’t leave until they do. Spending an entire day on a boat with no escape. Giving a speech in front of a room full of people.

Sometimes it’s not things I have to do but am too lazy to do but rather it’s about just testing my utmost boundaries to remind myself that I am strong and I can do things that feel hard or impossible. Last week I dunked my whole body in ice water. It was fucking scary. I lived.

Life is a series of forcing yourself to do difficult things. Start young and small and it’ll be easier to do the bigger things when you’re older.

Great work!

things you can do if you’re unmotivated:

1. Move furniture around in your work area. This refreshes your energy

2. Go for a short walk. It clears your mind

3. Drink cold water or make tea. It wakes you up

4. Take a quick shower. It resets your mood

5. Clean a small space. It builds momentum

6. Put on music. It shifts your state fast

7. Change your outfit. It changes how you feel

8. Open a window. Fresh air helps you think

9. Do one tiny task. It breaks the resistance

10. Set a 10 minute timer. It makes starting easier

11. Write a simple to do list. It gives direction

12. Stretch your body. It releases tension

13. Light a candle or spray a scent. It refreshes your space

14. Step outside in the sun. It boosts your mood

15. Drink something with electrolytes. It supports energy

16. Watch a short inspiring video. It sparks action

17. Change locations. New environments create focus

18. Put your phone on airplane mode. Fewer distractions

19. Do a brain dump in a journal. It takes away overwhelm

20. Remind yourself that you only need to start, not finish

Not to go "if you have ADHD just go for a run" or anything, but I am so serious if you have ADHD you should regularly go outside, no headphones no phone no nothing and just stand and observe for a while until you've had enough. Not until you get bored, until you've had enough. Drink your coffee without watching tiktok. Have a bath without music. Turn down the volume in your headphones. I cannot overstate how much learning to be bored is cruicial with ADHD. Life is not just about pleasure, no matter what your dysregulated dopamine system thinks, and when you teach your brain to be okay with being bored, then boring tasks stop feeling like torture. By letting yourself be bored you are yoinking your system out of the high/low binary and allow for the highs to feel like actual highs and not just anything that isn't low. I am so serious go literally touch grass. Listen to the sounds in your flat. Stimulate your body the way it was designed. It lowers anxiety and makes you feel like you're real and best of all it's completely free

I really wish more ADHD mental health care told you WHY things like this matter to our quality of life.

The Hyperactivity in Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is NOT about being physically hyperactive, it's about having a "hyperactive central nervous system" because it's a form of inheritable dysautonomia. The problem with disautonomia, especially the ADHD kind, is that it makes boredom flag to your nervous system as a THREAT, triggering hyperactive and maladaptive central nervous system processes like fight or flight.

But dysautonomia kills you that way. Literally, part of the reason our average life spand increase on stimulents is that it helps manage risk-taking impulsivity that can get us killed by accident, but the other part is that stimulents can regulate a hyperactive CNS such that it is functionally (while impacted by the stimulent) NOT dysregulated anymore. And PHYSIOLOGICALLY that is essential because the physical outcomes of dysautonomia can reduce your life span by YEARS if not decades through self-perpetuating hypervigelence, endocrine disruption, and adrenal fatigue.

So when the ADHD brain goes stimulation-seeking and a doctor tells you to practice mindfulness, it feels like being told "hey go stand in a functioning boiler until you can stop thinking" rather than WHAT IT IS which is the process of re-teaching your body what is and isn't safe.

Standing outside making mindful, non-interpretive/moralized observation of the world helps your brain and body re-acclimate to the idea that absence of that frantic "busy" feeling isn't a threat or a risk to your safety, and gradually reduces the level of distress that just hanging out somewhere triggers for you.

Learning WHY this stuff was being suggested and understanding what it was actually supposed to do went a long way towards changing my relationship with my ADHD. I am FAR more functional now, far less prone to shame spirals and rejection sensitivity, hell, I can **sit physically still for near on an hour at a time** now without feeling like I'm going to crawl out of my skin.

So yeah. Go outside. Let the world narrow around you and take deep breaths until it stops feeling claustrophobic or like you need to climb walls. Learn how to let little sensations become big ones like the way the heat of the sun on your skin starts as a gentle warming and be omes a unique collection of sensory moments depending on how it lands on you. Listen for sounds under sounds and let them fade in and out as you move your focus from one sound to the next. Enjoy. Move on. Rinse and repeat.

When you no longer feel like the world is actively killing you, it's a lot easier to navigate it.

S++ tier addition to the post, thank you tumblr user butts bouncing on the beltway

the entire year is aro pride year and anyone who says otherwise will be sent to the sun

Another horrible merch idea straight from my brain. I woke up in the middle of the night to draw this.

I would unironically love this

I also forgot, these two scenes I drew out that won't be properly seen in the animation 🙏🥹

They get whole 6 frames... 😭💔

I watched 'Project Hail Mary' with my (conservative) grandparents and at the end I was talking about how I liked that there was no weird romance subplot. My Grammy immediately argued that "Yes there was", my initial thought was that she meant between Stratt and Grace so my sister and I both started to disagree until she said "Yeah, they were both willing to die for each other" at which point we realized our Grandmother was a Grace/Rocky shipper...

I think we need to kill the sentiment that people lose their right to personhood once they do something bad enough

I don't know who needs to hear this but you need to stop dehumanising people even if those people are "abusers" or "creeps" because you need to understand that you are not immune to doing something equally as bad

Abusers and creeps are not some species of especially heinous animal or alien or monster wearing the face of a human. They're people. And you NEED to drill it into your head that they are people because you NEED to remember that people are capable of doingn heinous shit. And you are a person. And your loved ones are people.

By emotionally classifying people who have done heinous things as subhuman filth incapable of thinking and feeling and acting just like you and me, and by using that emotional dehumanization as a reason to deny those people any compassion or support on a systemic level, you risk becoming blind to abuse/violence perpetrated by someone close to you or even yourself. Because if "abusers don't deserve rights", then you won't ever want to admit or accept that you or a loved one is perpetrating abuse, and that makes stopping the abuse or preventing further abuse much harder. This is how you end up excuaing abusive behaviour on the grounds that, since you don't see someone as a disgusting subhuman pile of garbage therefore they can't possibly be An Abuser, Trademark

And here'a the even harder pill to swallow: since the world isn't split into "abusers" and "good people", in the same way you or someone you love can inflict abuse/violence on others, the people who HAVE inflicted abuse/violence on others can, in fact, change and become better people

There is no bottomless chasm of moral uncleanliness that someone can run off and fall into and get stuck in forever. People can do better. Yes, even those people. You HAVE to accept this. Otherwise not only is there no motivation for anyone to try and do better (which is when people become stuck in a cycle of violence and abuse they don't want to escape), but your idea of a perfect justice system doesn't look any different from Literal Christian Hell. And I HOPE you understand that Literal Christian Hell is, to put it very lightly, not a good justice system.

Couple + Sibling/relative third wheel is honestly an S-tier trio dynamic and I wish we saw more of this in media.

"You are my soulmate. We are forged together by battle and tears and love. Also my brother's coming along."

"Yo."

Bonus points if the non-related half of the couple is just as committed to keeping the third wheel around as the related half.

"Isn't it weird that your brother in law is always hanging around?"

"You've got a problem with Andrew?"

Grace's enclosure has windows with signs outside saying things like

'Savior Teacher Lover of Life from Across the Stars Friend Grace

For the benefit of our dear alien you currently stand in a beam of 'light' so he can 'see' you. Please offer a wave or a couple taps to say hello. Please only a few taps if he doesn't tap back as it can be a stressor. Thank you for engaging with Savior Teacher Lover of Love from Across the Stars Friend Grace.'

And not only does this boost morale for Grace its a huge attraction for the Eridians. Even after years and years people come to wave and tap with Grace everyday. Fourth favorite place in the biosphere after his classroom, his ocean (still blows his mind that he has an ocean-that they made him an ocean- that Rocky and Adrian made him an ocean), and his house.

This was my verity experience

I didn't mean to join another fandom istg

Someone has probably done this already but let's say this is my take on it

you know who else is yellow and knows everything?

them.... both of them

what a coincidence...