Hi. I'm QB. I reblog a lot. Sometimes, I write things.

thoughtkick

“The hardest times for me were not when people challenged what I said, but when I felt my voice was not heard.”

— Carol Gilligan

outtoshatter

thewitchoftheweed

At the risk of wading into the dreaded Discourse—

I think some folk need to reframe how they think of interacting with fandom. I’ve recently noticed an uptick of people in comments on fics/posts on Tumblr who seem to be fundamentally misunderstanding how this works.

To me, fandom is a potluck. Everyone has seen The Thing, got inspired, made something to eat, and shown up at the party. We all brought something to the table.

Maybe a bunch of us brought something similar that’s super popular, like chocolate. Some people made chocolate cakes, some people made chocolate chip cookies, some people made lovely little hand-fashioned chocolate candies, etc. You get the idea. And a lot of folks are hanging around the chocolate table because, hey, FREE chocolate! Hell yeah!

The problem I’m seeing is a nonzero amount of people walking up to the chocolate table and going: “WHY is chocolate so popular? I HATE chocolate! I HATE how popular it is and how EVERYONE brought chocolate! Why does nobody ever make caramel?”

Which is weird because, again, this is a potluck. There are definitely still non-chocolate items at this meal that you could be trying right now. Some of them are even caramel. But also you’re walking up to people who made what they liked and getting mad it isn’t created with you in mind.

Then when someone says, “Hey, I like caramel too, did YOU bring any?” The person complaining always says, “Oh, no. I make a lot of caramel at home but I never bring it to these type of things.”

Well, that’s the problem, bud. This isn’t a restaurant. You don’t get to sit and imagine your ideal Fan Content, then demand it from people. And it’s a little annoying when every third post in the tag is someone complaining about a creative lack they could be solving themselves.

The only way to ensure the thing you like will be at the table is to make it yourself OR aggressively support/encourage the people who brought what you liked so that next time they’ll bring more.

Fandom is about community, creativity, and being inspired by other folks interpretation of something we all enjoy. Maybe instead of walking into someone else’s work or a specific tag to complain about how much you dislike it, you direct that desire/energy at your own creative pursuits?

“But I’m bad at making caramel!” You’ll get better. Everyone burns the first few batches.

“But everyone’s too busy looking at chocolate to even notice my caramel!” I promise you, there are always going to be people you who dislike/hate/simply don’t care for chocolate. I’m sure they, like you, would love to see more caramel, or any number of flavors you can think up.

“What if nobody likes it?” YOU like caramel, my friend! YOU will like it!!! That is what’s most important! Do you think I made all these chocolate cupcakes just to watch everyone else eat them? It’s always fun to share, but if I’m making cupcakes, it’s because I want a cupcake.

Have fun, bring what you want, it’s a potluck!!! I promise you someone will eat whatever you bring, but please stop loudly complaining about the food, especially if you’re not going to contribute.

roranriver

aqueensellingdreams

can we like…get rid of the so-called leather and rubber “pride flags” ? it’s honestly ridiculous and offensive to the lgbtq community. those aren’t pride flags.

dead-dyke

The leather pride flag is the second oldest pride flag. It has been at almost every single US pride parade and protest in history.

It’s older then you are, it’s older then I am. The leather community is responsible for pride. Leather daddies were the ones chasing away cops when they tried to arrest us for being queer in public back when Pride Parades were illegal in the US. They are still the ones chasing away cops and corporations from smaller pride events and those that aren’t sanctioned by Wells Fargo. The leather community is essential to the queer community and has a long and rich history.

Please fuck off if you’re not going to learn the actual history of pride.

And don’t fucking out your hate in our tags, asshole.

budgiesmuggled

The leather pride flag represents an expression of self which is inherently queer, and a community which has been around for generations. It is not offensive to the LGBT+ community in any way. I have seen cis gay and bisexual men standing shoulder-to-shoulder with trans men, all of them united by their leather community roots. The leather community is more diverse and nuanced than you perhaps know, but that is no reason for you to shit on a community you don’t understand.

Here is a photograph from 1998, displaying the leather pride flag, the bear gay pride flag, and the rainbow flag. This is our history.

Source.

Here is a photograph from 1987: three queer women entering into the Ms. National Leather Association Contest, or simply gathering as spectators.

Source.

A flyer from 1989, rallying the leather community to march in a Stonewall anniversary protest.

Source.

A photograph from 1988: Tony Deblase, the creator of the leather pride flag, and a gay man, embracing a fellow member of the leather community. Over his shoulder is Judy Tallwing McCarthy, a Native American woman who was part of the leather community from 1959. She co-founded the first lesbian BDSM group in Portland, along with her partner, Sashie Hyatt.

Source. Source.

Just because you don’t know the history, doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Be humble, and always assume you have more to learn. Hatred, and outright dismissal of communities you know nothing about, is the most aggressively anti-LGBT thing I can imagine.

The leather community has always included trans people, lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals. The leather community is global and nuanced. The leather community is where many of us encounter our found families, and our lovers. For you to dismiss that is cold-hearted and ignorant. Just because queer sex is involved, doesn’t make the community dirty or bad.

leftenantjopson

angelhive

santa claus but instead of naughty or nice i judge if uve been banal or avant garde

fancyanne

cheaphalloweencostume

“everyone is mad at me and they just won’t tell me” —> “no one has said anything about being mad at me and i haven’t done anything to warrant being mad at so if someone is silently fuming about me and not saying anything that’s their problem and actually quite weird of them and i can effortlessly move on with my life”

cheaphalloweencostume

this took SUCH a huge deal of unlearning because, like so many of you, i came out of a home where being quietly in trouble WAS the default state, and i DID grow up not just with the assumption but borderline religious conviction that Everyone Is Mad At Me, I Am Bad, I Must Exist In A Constant State of Attempting to Pacify The Natural Rage I Inspire In Everyone. and no it actually turns out that my family are the freaks . and yours are too

cheaphalloweencostume

“this isn’t true because i DEFINITELY silently fume at people in the hopes they’ll figure out what they did and apologize” that’s not good. you shouldn’t do that

“this isn’t true because the ex-friendship that traumatized me ended explosively after they were mad at me and never told me why” that’s not good. they shouldn’t be doing that

“i don’t think this is true because my current friend group is constantly icing me out until i figure out what ive done to upset them and properly apologized without being told” hey thats not good. they should not be doing that

if the peacefulness of your relationship with someone (familial, romantic, friendly, anything) can be destroyed by effective communication/asking them for effective communication, you have got to get out of there. if you can’t get out of there, you’ve got to throw away any ideas about what that person thinks of you because they have their own shit to figure out before they can accurately read anyone else

radio-chatter

maswartz

capri-maize

twinkhole-destroyer

my diva moment will have casualties

twinkhole-destroyer

tempest-ssv

notebooks-and-laptops

They've filled the Normandy with people who look up to you in an effect to placate you and make you feel at home, but it's more alienating than if everyone hated you. They've given you your own private quarters but they make you feel alone and cut off from everyone. They say it's your ship, just like the one flew on before, and that you're in command, only there are doors that won't open for you and are locked tight. They parade before you a friend you knew who is so excited about all of this, but you didn't live through that and you're not over what you lost like he is. You look in the mirror and you're literally cracking at the seams and they tell you and only you can save the galaxy - enough that you were worth billions of resources to bring back - and you think about the soldier, the friend, you lost on Virmire and how nobody thought to bring them back. You're a ghost everyone is worshipping, a legend that everyone is clinging to, a soldier, a spectre, a saviour, a hero, but not a person anymore.

Mass Effect ME: Trilogy

howlsmovingapartmentcomplex

teaboot

Best thing about zip-up hoodies? You can wear ‘em without a shirt and slip ‘em off the shoulder a lil. Leave it half-zipped or unzipped too, like a sexy lil choose-your-own-adventure.

Worst thing about zip-up hoodies? When it’s zipped up and u sit down somewhere and suddenly have to deal with your newest and shittiest conjoined twin, the three-inch flaccid sternum boner