«·´¨*·.¸¸.«~†RaMbLiNgS iN tHe DaRk†~».¸¸.·*¨`·»

Its about time I start writing in here again...
My life is finally turning around for the better, one of the best things in years happened to me this weekend past. I reunited with long lost friends. The very friends in which turned my life around and created "the best days of my life" about 3 years ago. This was all thanks to my very own new car and my will to see them again. It felt like I had never left and in 3 years I felt, once again, what it was to be truly happy and free. Looking out from Veda's deck toward the vast beauty of forest in the country she owned complete with a lake, filled me with joy and I realized where I have always longed to be and vowed to visit as often as possible. Veda, Veda's boyfriend, Dez, Lewis, Justin and I all spent the night intoxicated in more ways than one and in the morning I had to make my journey back to hell, just a mere 5 hours away from paradise. Just the beginning of my new road to healing...

In other news, I have a reasonable job, I received a new room in the house I share which has been done to suite me very well. Rent has increased, but the room is much bigger and the prize is not only a good deal but well worth it. And to keep me company in this new room of mine I have a little companion, a baby ball python.

I would have written more if I hadn't just noticed the time. My roommate Adam and I have made plans to go ice skating soon and I should really get ready. Wish me luck, perhaps I'll take photos of my battle wounds...

LaLaLaaa...

I know its been a while and I do appologize for that.
I am now in Fort McMurray living with my long time best friend Ashleigh.
So far all seems to be well, there are a few annoyances such as people not helping in the cleaning department and so on.
I have a new job working as a Security Officer and I make pretty good money.
I am quite home sick and I miss my ex Richard. I think about both Richard and my family quite often, infact most of the time.
Ashleigh and I rarely see eachother or hangout and thats depressing. But she has the weekend off and I think we will do shrooms together. We have never done them together before, so this should be interesting.
Anywho, not much else to tell so Ill leave you with a quiz.

You scored as A Too Depressed Faerie. There's no doubt about it your not a very cheerful faerie exactly. Maybe your feeling absence or are just depressed with life or world events currently. You may be upset but that doesn't necessarily mean your unhappy, there are some faeries who enjoy sadness. But if your not one of them, look up and smile, if its so bad, it can only get better. See All Results/Comment </td> A Too Depressed Faerie 90% A Too Astral Faerie 65% A Too Serious Faerie 65% A Too Evil Faerie 50% A Too Sweet Faerie 45% A Too Kinky Faerie 35% A Too Lazy Faerie 30% A Too Sporty Faerie 25% A Too Silly Faerie 20% Which Dysfunctional Faerie are You? created with QuizFarm.com

I miss Richard.
I love him truly with all of my heart and yet I felt I had to put our relationship on hold. Its killing me in every way possible. Hes just so busy with his own life and preparing for his own future that I feel almost in the way most of the time. Of course there is more to it than just that, but its not something I can bring myself to get into with full detail right now.
He didnt know what to say for most of our conversation. I wish he would have said more, I keep asking myself if I am worth fighting for in some respects. I dont want to be here anymore. I want to be there, with him. If he truly loves me I believe that he will call for me, if he doesnt call for me, when ready, then I guess it just wasnt meant to be. That hurts so much to think about. His pictures are everywhere in my room and they will stay that way.
I fight with myself to know if Ive done the right thing. I keep checking my e-mail in hopes that he has writen me on his thoughts and such as he said he would. Nothing yet, but knowing me I will check every hour of every damn day until I get one.
Why do I cry so much?

2 more weeks and I shall be back to everything I know and love. I have been living here far too long for my liking and I have finally decided to do something about it. I wish I knew what took me so long. The decision came about within a matter of minutes and to those who do not know me well, thats all it takes.
When I get there one of my first tasks is to paint my new room. The original plan was to have it a nice dark red with a black trim and I was hoping to do some celtic knot/cross stencils in black as well. However Ashleigh doesnt want me to paint the colonial door because its expensive. So I had to work with a white (so sickening) door. My new plan is to do it Tim Burton style... Thats right black and white strips all the way. I absolutely adore Tim Burton... Hopefully I can find some distorted shapes and such for it as well... For example 3 oddly shaped mirrors would go nicely on the wall.
Ashleigh is giving me her old bird cage and I would like to hang it in a corner... Im still deciding on the type of bird I would like... I know it has to be something the size of a budgie, but I dont really want a budgie... A love bird perhaps? Who knows... Too bad bats are illegal, I would kill for a flying fox, oh so gorgeous. Later I will get another snake and perhaps a bearded dragon... I love animals and have a need to be surrounded by them.
One thing I am most anxious about when I get settled in is going to Edmonton so I can shop for all the glorious clothing I love so much. Velvet, Lace and satin, Oh my! along with so much more. First item on my mind... a corset of course =D. I have been without these things for 2 years... I live in such a secluded province, where anything outside the norm is not accepted, therefore there are no stores or shops that provide a good variety of all the things I love and need to, in some opinions, survive. Of course there was always the internet, but that is not the same thing. And oh the shoes, the shoes, can you tell im ecstatic?
Well I had best be going now.
-=bows=-
Fare Thee Well...

You are uber goth. You are dark, mysterious,
morbid, beautiful, in love with death, with
darkness. You enjoy life, you see beauty in
both our joy and desair. You embrace the entire
scene. Ah, I love you, you rock. Email me.


What kind of goth are you? (with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
Category	Your Score	Average
Self-Lovin'	56.7% Explored the pleasures of the flesh	65.1%
Shamelessness	64.3% It takes a couple of drinks	79.3%
Sex Drive	76.3% The Pope is envious	77.7%
Straightness	10.7% Knows the other body type like a map	44.6%
Gayness	14.3% Makes Dr. Frank-n-Furter look tame	83.8%
Fucking Sick	67.3% Dipped into depravity	90%
You are 48.34% pure Average Score: 72.7%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up!

I know that it has been a while since Ive taken the time to write in here. I do apologize, but Ive been in a "mood" that I just couldnt seem to shake, one of the many branches of depression I suppose. No worries though, everyone has their days, I just have a few more...
Holy sweet jesus and mother of fuck Im in some pain right now. Curses on the Mrs. Dash extra spicy spice... Such terrible heart burn. The last time I had heart burn like this was when Richard was here and I kinda kept him up with me because it hurt so bad. I wish he was here to help me with it now though. My dramatic side is whispering "ulcer". Such voices -=shakes head a little=-.
Anyway... Whats been going on with me lately?
My plans have yet again changed. Crazy huh? I seem to be good at straying away from any set path in life. I have never really liked to walk that zombified line of followers. Due to my constant feelings of loneliness, missing my boyfriend and my friends, I have decided that I can no longer wait here for Richard to tell me that he is ready to have me come to England. This place is killing me in so many ways and Im loosing myself to the madness of being alone. I feel that it will be best for me to move back to what I am used to and be around people to help ease my pain and aid in the ever slowing flow which is time. I will be moving in with my best friend Ashleigh and her roommates in mid february. This decision came out of no where, in such a manor that at first Ashleigh didnt even think I was serious until I started calculating a good date with reguards to money, and available plane tickets. Im hoping this decision leads me down a happier road because right now Im rotting with unhappiness and I am the only person who can change that. Well with the help of Richard of course, but that doesnt seem to be too soon. So here I stand, ready to walk down yet another new road.
My hair falls finally arrived in the mail. I placed my order sometime around the begining of october and some mix up had occured, but that was taken care of, took a little longer than I had hoped, but it worked out in the end. The falls are quite stunning and looking at them I have found that they really are simple to make and I feel that it will be fun to take them on as a project. Ive made wool extensions, but those are made differently, or atleast I make them differently. Synthetic might be a little harder to work with and make a little bit of a mess my first few tries, but Im sure they will turn out just as great as the wool ones Ive made. =D Ill definately have to post a few pictures when I put them in.
Well I know I had more to write, but my mind went blank (a common problem as of late). Perhaps its best to take it slow and give myself time to crawl back into my usual creative, artistic, verbal frenzy sides. -=yawn=-
Night...

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Ive been thinking about changing the background of my LJ for quite some time now, and helping a friend out with his LJ really gave me the boost I needed to do it. I must admit Im quite pleased with how this background turned out and I do believe it looks better than the old one.
I spent some time trying to get more people to join my community in an attempt to raise interest and accually get some posts on it. So far Ive succeeded in one new member, which is a start right? Along with spending hours randomly finding journals to post an invite to my community in, I have also created a banner for it that I am also damn pleased with.

In addition to the banner I have added a bit of fun to the info page in the form or a site poll. Its coming together nicely.
Ive recently started a Morbid Vanity site which I have been taking my sweet ass time putting together. The outline is pleasing but the graphics are taking a while. Hopefully the site will be up and running for the enjoyment of the members of morbid_vanity as well as the public sooner than I think.
In other news, I finally have a job. Its nothing fancy, infact far from it, but its money, and money is definately something I need to put away. I will be working for a fast food restaurant -=sigh=-. I recently told someone that I believe and fear that I will be 50 and still be stuck behind a fast food counter such as KFC. I know in my heart I am much better than that, and I know my determination wont let me suffer that fate.
Ive started writing again, and perhaps in the future I will post one of my recent pieces. Since I was told about the death of Tony, who was an excellent writer, I feel as though I should really take the time to write as I used to. I guess I kind of fear that with time, I will loose the talent I possess, or perhaps just forget how to put thoughts to paper. I know writing is appart of me and that may never happen, its just does anyone really know how long it can take to loose yourself, or even how long you have left to express yourself in such ways?
Oow in more exciting news, for me of course, I will be getting a leather jacket which comes to my ankles. Its going to be tight fitting at the top and taper out from the hips down and perhaps have a bit of a flair to the sleeves. Im so excited, Ive wanted one for so long. Patience seems to work in my favor as always. Its definately going to be hot! And definately go nicely with whatever outfits I get in England. Oh yeah baby!
-=does a dance=-

Middle of the night and as usual, I can't sleep. Its been a while since Ive writen in here. And in all honesty, I dont really know what to write about even now. Ive had a lot on my mind recently. Just random thoughts which fly through my mind at a tremendous speed.
I feel like everything is on pause. Im sure everyone experiences that once in a while. But thats anxiety for you
-=giggles=-. Why cant we be born with a patience button or something.
Anywho enough of that. Its been so long since my last post. My birthday was on the 2nd and I am now 20. 20 sounds so strange to me. Ive been looking through collections of my past. Photos and old notes which all tell really only one side of parts of my life. I mean who really takes a picture of bad times in their own life. Perhaps its a way in which we try to keep from remembering horrible things. Unfortunately amoung the random thoughts I have been experiencing, are a lot of horrible memories Im sure most people would want to forget. But being the odd person I am, I prefer to hang onto them because they were half of what has made me the person I am today. 20 it still doesnt fit.

For my own amusement I took this quiz that I found. Since these are the quizes that you post, here she is.




You Are The Ancient Vampiress. Your history
surpasses them all. You've seen it all and
you've done it all. Nothing seems to rattle
you.You're the best kind of Vampiress to have
around.
Kudos for Being so Old!


Which Type Of Vampiress Are You? Goth Vampire Vampiress Quiz (16 Results with Pictures)
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