Steinbrenner's Illigitimate Daughter's Memoirs...

four more weeks of school left... FOREVER!!!!!!!!!! then i am done and never coming back. well, actually, of course i'm coming back, i love my chefs. they are like big brothers, they're my best friends, they'll do anything for me, and they have proven that many times, and i love them for it. especially my chefs at work who put their jobs on the line for me on more than one occassion. i love knowing i have guys there to protect me.

our farewell dinner is soon. i can't take who i wanted to beacuse he is 5 hours away, my second choice i can't bring because my roommate will have a shitfit, so i'll just take one of my tavern boys i guess, i don't know.

i work literally 19 hours a day, it's getting crazy, but i absolutely LOVE IT!! welcome to the real world!!

speaking of work, in the 5 hours i have off a day, i finished my project for my fine dining class.... here's the menu i made from my mystery basket, these are the courses in order as they were served:


raspberry and opal basil roulade

arctic char tartar with a yukon gold potato pancake, quail egg, and thyme creme fraiche

stuffed diver scallop topped with beluga caviar in a spicy bouillabaisse broth

frisee and nastursum salad

chanterelle mushroom and veal sweetbread timbale with marsala reduction

daikon, english cucumber, and midori granitee

roasted squab with red verjus compote and french lentil cabbage ballotine in a foie gras emulsion

aged grafton cheddar souffle with cinnamon honey glazed pecans and apple aspic

muscat blackberry gelee under panicotta and a lemon verbena shortbread cookie





sometimes i even amaze myself.


so, in 4 weeks, back to ny, or stay here and become a teaching assistant... until then....





Pick ONE from each pair that you think describes me the best & leave it in the comments. Then copy this and post it in your own journal to see how your friends view you.


* dominant or submissive
* logical or intuitive
* social or loner
* kinky or vanilla
* cute or sophisticated
* kitten or puppy
* warm flannel sheets or sleek satin
* leader or follower
* quiet or talkative
* spontaneous or planned
* teddy bear or porcelain doll
* hiking or window shopping
* tequila or vodka
* top or bottom
* bare foot or shoes
* jeans or slacks
* tender or rough
* aware or dreamy
* nerd or geek

school is rough. twelve hours a day, six days a week... very stressful and under lots of pressure. but it will be over in two weeks thank god... well, at least that class will be. the only good thing about this class is our expo..... *swoon*

in two weeks, i'll have a much less stressful life. and in three weeks i am going back to NY to visit my favorite people.. yay!!

but so far so good up here in the green mountains. i have an AMAZING apartment with a HUGE bathroom, wait, i have TWO HUGE bathrooms, it's a beautiful thing. and my bedroom is big... i could do cartwheels in it if i wanted, or if i knew how.

and the boy situation is iffy.... but like i said... three weeks... and there's always the other one waiting in the wings.....


but, the thing that is making me the most happy.... the return of....




ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!!!!

i've been gone a week, and i get a card in the mail that they didnt' want me to open around them because they didn't want me to cry in front of them. too bad, i already did that. well, anyway, the card is very sweet, and i just recently got done crying from it because i have no more tears to give. it was INCREDIBLEY sweet..... and it mentioned that if i am ever in need for a job, they have connections. i have 6 months left of school left, and already i have a job! yay!

i also have a date for memorial day weekend w/ tom. some 5 star restaurant named joey's in syracuse. i'm very excited. it's a ways away... but it'll be the first time i'll see tom since i left! yay. i'll get to see my other boys too!! yaaaaaay.


is it september yet?

sorry, sorry, sorry girls!

i totally forgot about founder's day. i don't know how it slipped my mind.

sorry sorry sorry!!

let's see if i can remember this whole thing....

to lend to those less fortunate a helping hand.
to think of God as a protector and guide of us all.
to keep forever sacred the memory of those we have loved and lost.
to be to others what we would they would be to us.
to keep our lives gentle, merciful and just,
thus being true to the womanhood of love.

to walk in the way of honor, guarding the purity of our thoughts and deeds.
being steadfast in every duty small or large.
believing that our given word is binding.
striving to esteem the inner man above culture, wealth or pedigree.
being honorable, courteous, tender,
thus being true to the womanhood of honor.

to serve in the light of truth avoiding egotism, narrowness, and scorn.
to give freely of our sympathies.
to reverence God as our maker, striving to serve Him in all things.
to minister to the needy and unfortunate.
to practice day by day love, honor, truth.
thus keeping true to the meaning, spirit and reality of Phi Mu.





LIOB

so, my internship is officially over, and i am officially depressed because i am going to miss those people like crazy. i have NEVER known a better group of people before that did so much for eachother, we're one giant family.

my normal schedule at work was on tuesdays i come in at 4 o'clock to 10 for a party that comes in every tuesday. i bake from 8am to 8pm on wednesday and thursdays. friday and saturdays i work garde manger from 1pm to midnight. and on sundays i do brunch from 7am to 4pm, then on that same day i tend bar from 4pm to midnight. monday i usually had off unless there was some big party happening or something like that. so, i was told that i needed to come in to bartend sunday as usual, but not until like 7 o'clock, which is really weird, so i figured something weird must be going on.

my friends picked me up at six and drove me around for like an hour until we got to the inn. as soon as we pulled in i saw balloons in the window so i knew they must be throwing me a little shindig. as soon as i walked in, everyone screamed surprise. and EVERYONE was there. it was great. no one has ever pulled anything like that off on me before.

so, everyone was there. we did lots of drinking. we were all in the upstairs bar, the fine dining bar, since it was closed for the weekend. we did lots of drinking. clint went out and got ping pong balls, and we set up an 8 foot table in the middle of the bar and played beer pong, i made the champinoships, tom was my partner, and he friggin kicks ass, good thing because i suck. then we played shuffle board with all the turtles my grandmother had made, it was a good time.

then i had to open my presents. and these just weren't stupid ass presents the the dumb gag gift stocking stuffer shit you give people for christmas, these were like, really fucking awesome presents. at the inn we have a gift shop, and we carry lilly pulitzer clothing, that is like high class shit i guess. we're the only store in central new york that has it. it's very expensive. i worked in the giftshop a couple times, and absolutely loved this purse they had. but, too bad it was $220 and no employee discount on it. but, three girls at work chipped in and bought it for me!!! these same girls also bought me a brand new watch, a fabulous new bathrobe, tons of good books on chocolate and such, lots of orange stuff of course, and so much more. and lots and LOTS of cards that turned me into a puddle and i just sat there and cried for hours that night.

i got so many hugs, and kisses that night. sooooo many. from people that i always wanted to. i had a ton of fun. we all got the idea to go to the local bar for a drink. so clint, megan, tim, tom, patrick, woofie, jenn, janssen, luke, and i all walked to the VT. it was closed. so we had to walk down even farther to the rok. keep in mind, i had my church clothes on. a nice cashmere cardigan, linen pants, and 6 inch heels. and it was EXTREMELY icy out!! so i had janssen on one arm, luke on the other, and tom behind me holding my waist so i didn't fall flat on my face. well, we got to the rok and they wouldn't serve us because clint was with us and he is kicked out for life. we cut back through a field to go back to the inn, and the boys thought it would be a good idea to get into a fight, or just play wrestle. they got all into it in the snow. i had to break it up. i was covered in snow and soaking wet and the boys thought it would be a good idea ot carry me back, i was terrified because they were all wasted. and, it turns out tim got a concusion from the fight. lovely.

we got back, and i had to try to calm down the boys from getting into a real fist fight, and i got really upset because people were threatening to hurt my kitchen boys, and i was really pissed off, and i stormed downstairs and i wouldn't come back until someone came down and got me, and itw as over. and then i did lots more crying and kissing and i'm back in gloucester now, depressed as ever and i refuse to get out of bed. 6 more months until my life is complete again.

i feel like i haven't updated this thing in like 12 years... probably becauase i haven't. but, i've been EXTREMELY busy. school/work/school/work/boys.... it's so hectic.... but i love it so much. my internship is amazing. i love it here! too bad i have to go back to school eventually. but i'll definitely be back. i love these people so much... maybe too much *wink wink*. but yeah. i hate always getting so attatched to people then having to leave. i've done it too many times in my life. after i graduate and get a good job, i am staying there forever! because i am so sick of getting so close to people and loving them so much then just taking root and leaving never to see them again. it won't happen anymore. i've done it too much.

but yeah, anyway, life is grand. i've never been so happy. some things in life suck, but that's reality. all my good thigns totally wipe out the bad stuff. i could stay ehre forever and be the happiest girl in the world for the rest of my life, but unfortunetly things don't happen like that.

god i love being me right now! i love new york, i love my family, i love my friends, i love the alexander hamilton... and i especially love my boys (luke, janssen, tom, rich, dave, and patrick) and i can't forget about my favorite girls ruthie and tj hooker. i wouldnt' have been in this good of spirits without them!

On a Monday I am waiting
Tuesday I am fading
And by Wednesday I can’t sleep
Then the phone rings I hear you
And the darkness is a clear view
Cause you’ve come to rescue me

Fall, with you I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath
I hope it lasts

Ohhhh
It seems like I can finally
Rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhh
It’s as if you know me better
Than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

I am moody and messy
I get restless and it’s senseless
How you never seem to care
When I’m angry you listen
Make me happy it’s your mission
And you won’t stop till I’m there

Fall, sometimes I fall so fast
When I hit that bottom crash
You’re all I have

Ohhhh
It seems like I can finally
Rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhh
It’s as if you know me better
Than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

How do you know?
Everything I’m about to say
Am I that obvious?
And if it’s written on my face
I hope it never goes away
Yea

On a Monday I am waiting
By Tuesday I am fading
Into your arms
So I can breathe

Ohhhh
It seems like I can finally
Rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhh
It’s as if you know me better
Than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
Ohhhh
I love how you can tell
Ohhhh
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

how have the past 2 guys i dated been red sox fans? i just got a voicemail from brad, it was sweet, until the end. i truly amaze my self. how am i able to put up with such nonsense? how do i attract these people? how am i able to tolerate these people? it's so, so not natural. i do draw the line when it comes to him publicly displaying his boston love... but... how?

but i do still love him.... swoon.... am i in vermont yet?


i guess i should call him back and tell him i miss him, then chant "1918" til he hangs up on me.

i miss my boyfriend!!!! i'm going crazy!!!

so, now that i am on my internship, i am away from everyone. lots of solitude. i used to like being alone, now i don't. not after this year. not after what happened. not after meeting these people who have changed my life forever.


i have not slept alone in over 2 months. i have shared a TWIN size bed in what seems like forever with my boy. and now, i have a QUEEN size bed all to myself and I CAN'T STAND IT!!


i'm going nuts and it's only been like, two weeks. i need my boy. i need neci... wow, never thought i'd say that. i miss school. i miss vermont. is it march yet?