Puckling

So this tumblr post is the second time in the past two weeks where someone has expressed the desire for David Toews (henceforth known as the Lesser Toews) to get the fuck out of hockey and do something else with his life. Anything else.



YOUR BROTHER HELPED REVIVE A MORIBUND FRANCHISE, CAPTAINED THEM TO TWO STANLEY CUPS, AND HAS TWO OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALS. YOU PLAY IN THE ECHL. YOU DO NOT BENEFIT FROM THIS COMPARISON, FRIEND.

But do you know who else suffers from comparison to his brother(s)? Jared "most talented least motivated" Staal. Yeah. That's a quote from his dad. I'll let you think about that for a bit.



I have been petitioning zarathuse for almost two years for a fic where these two fools took a long, serious look at their lives and decided to get the fuck out of hockey. They would then meet, fall in love, and find things that they truly excelled at that wouldn't invite constant comparison to their elder siblings. She has been ignoring me for just as long.

HOWEVER, I have never let my dreams of Lesser Toews: Alternative Energy Soybean farmer (he could take over the Staal family farm! He seems like the type of dude who would enjoy working with both his brains and his hands!) and Minor Staal: Poet Laureate of Ontario (...I got nothing, the heart wants what it wants) truly die.

I even wrote some poetry to try and convince her to make it happen.


Staal's first volume of poetry is often considered a bit melodramatic by critics, but it established him as one of the premier popular voices of Canada, a true son of the prairies.

Underneath the surface roots grip the soil
and deeper than that the bones of the land are mined by worms
It's flat, good farm land and good land to grow on
A strong land to grow tall men.
You would never know that it's all to be ripped up
and shipped off elsewhere
To set down new roots amongst new people

"On the Occasion of My Brother's Wedding"

It was our the third time at the alter
Where we had learned of God and men
And felt the truth down to our bones even when we couldn't understand the words
We've moved south, made new homes
Forged and reforged our places in the world
Separating and reconnecting
Until we return
To start new beginnings where it began

coggs: god, you're ruining me
now all I want is David working on the farm
and Jared Staal, like, writing shit and also being a volunteer firefighter or something
in, like, Montana where no one knows or even remotely cares who they are

me: Noooo, he has to take over the Staal family farm
in Thunder Bay

coggs: but everyone will know him then!

me: THAT IS THE BEAUTIFUL THING THOUGH HE GROWS AND TRANSFORMS
FROM ONE OF THOSE STAAL BOYS
TO THE YOUNGEST STAAL WHO DOESN'T PLAY IN THE NHL

coggs: to THAT NICE BOY MARRIED TO THE FARMER

me: TO MR. STAAL, DID YOU KNOW HE'S THE POET LAUREATE OF ONTARIO?

coggs: hahahaha

me: AND HIS HUSBAND JUST GOT A NEW PATENT, YOU SHOULD SEE HIS SOYBEANS

FREE TO A GOOD HOOOOOME