i've been wanting to do Vivid's Gee, Your Pussy Smells Terrific!, but we've been having some troubles locating that one.
dodgingwndshlds, who works at a porn shop in Portland, OR, has been posting some horrible-sounding titles - there are some pretty bad ones in the Sex Starved Fuck Sluts series.
between the horrible camera work, inane dialogue, pointless commentary, unexciting sex, and excessive eye makeup (not to mention Paris Hilton's total inability to give a decent BJ), One Night In Paris was a frightfully boring porno that not even the star's celebrity status could save. (before the feature begins, the American flag appears on screen.) Be (reading from screen): "We will never forget." E: 9/11 or Paris Hilton?
E: has anyone ever made September 11th porn? J: The Twin Towers! Be: ...it writes itself!
(man on screen asks Paris if she "wants to suck it") Br: it's just like a lollipop, little girl!
E: OH MY GOD! HIS DICK IS SO......there.
A: can we fast forward through this? E: NO!
Br: she's working her abdominal muscles. J: it's Pilates!
Br (commenting on the creepy glowing pupils in nightvision): "last night, when i was fucking Satan...."
A (commenting on Paris opening and closing her eyes in the nightvision): ooh! look! blinkers! Br: she's about to turn left!
(man on screen tells Paris to "show me that pussy") A: it smells terrific! Br: it was cleaned by housecleaning!
Et: i love you. can i see your vagina?
P: oh, she's watching the paint dry!
Br (impersonating Paris): "gee, i wish i could read!"
Br: you know, when i was six years old, i was in the back seat of my grandparents' car... Be: ...and you gave them a blowjob?
Br: i fucked Paris Hilton. what did you do? A: my taxes! E: i watched you fuck Parish Hilton
A: FUCK ME IN THE CHEST! Et: oh no, there, over here!
Br: ...and the cock was inserted nasally... Be: only if you've done cocaine A: i have a deviated septum Br: ...that's why i can take two at once!
Br (as Paris sucks cock): c'mon, impale her! impale her! Be: that'd be great if his dick came out the back of her spine... J (a la Mortal Kombat): FINISH HER!
Br: yeah, bashful. sucking cock on camera....
C: could she do it (deep throat) from that angle? Be: C! A: get the protractor!
Be: oh yes, the ol' hands on the head... Br: BAM! BIG MONEY, BIG MONEY, NO WHAMMY, NO WHAMMY....
(man cums a small spurt) E: that didn't go anywhere! Be: where were you expecting, the moon?!
geek's pool party - VERY anti-climactic. didn't suck. didn't even blow. it was just...terrible. the safe word is aperture. now f-stop. thank you, mistress - yummy goth girl, entertaining day-trader boy. bend over boyfriend 2 - i just wish i hadn't had to look at that last guy's face.
possible movie/restaurant/tearoom names:
daddy wombat the sarcastic dominatrix the romantic cod
quotes of the evening:
"oh, so that's what his dick was doing!" "what's you think it was doing; calculus?"
"abandon hope, all ye who enter here...i need that tattoed on my ass."
"do you often joust with guns and dildos on a saturday night?"
"i could put that tongue to use somewhere else..." "...yeah, like washing my car."
"oh, that kind of role playing...but i wanted to play d&d!"
MOVIE: "Falling From Grace" is about a guy who joins the priesthood after his wife cheats on him. Several years later, she comes back and attempts to seduce him, forcing him to choose between his faith and the hot sexy sex bomb.
WHY WE CHOSE IT: B's ex, Derek, announced he may be joining the priesthood.
This is a journal of peace. This is a journal of propaganda and politics. This is a journal of parody, penii, procreation, and philosophy.
This ... is a journal of porn.
PST2K was formed by three women, who we will call A, B, and C, because those are our names and we have not chosen suitable aliases.. aliasi.. whatever. A enjoyed mocking things having to do with sex. B was sick of getting stared at and hit on whenever she rented pornography. And C knew that whatever A and B were planning, they'd probably do it in C's living room, so she might as well get in on it.
PST2K will hopefully post weekly reviews of porn movies in the MST3K style. That is, we will tape our humorous comments during the movie and post the movie script or transcript with our comments in them. We'll try to keep our personal lives out of our comments, but if you know us, that's not bloody likely.
Look for our first review, "Debbie Does Dallas", later this week.
dodgingwndshlds, who works at a porn shop in Portland, OR, has been posting some horrible-sounding titles - there are some pretty bad ones in the Sex Starved Fuck Sluts series.
busy
amused