Vienna Waits

Years ago I saw a recipe magazine where the opening blurb before the recipe said they'd set out to create the perfect challah and rapidly realized that was impossible because they couldn't find two Jews who were even mostly in agreement about what that meant, and so they'd come up with a recipe they thought would mostly please most people most of the time. Probably.

They recorded a huge fight over RAISINS, but we control the world???

One of the funniest quotes early on in the AI bubble was an executive saying he was replacing workers with AI because "AI will never demand higher wages or else they'll go on strike" and it was so fucking clear that he hadn't thought through how anything worked, because of course the AI companies can raise their rates and if you don't pay then they don't let you use their software.

Isn't this straight out of Walmart's playbook? Lure customers (businesses with human employees) over with low prices and put all competitors (human employees) out of business (employment), then they're free to charge whatever they want for their shitty products (lying electricity-hogging chatbots that cannot actually do a human's job).

I've known for decades that capitalism is bad for workers and consumers, but only in the past few years have I come to increasingly realize that it's bad for businesses, too.

Damn, you are so right and you should say it

A few weeks ago one of my historical pet peeves was activated when I heard about a new Robin Hood movie that takes the groundbreaking, unprecedented, bold and visionary step of suggesting that the Middle Ages were a time of brutality, cynicism, and lawlessness.

Sarcasm alert. Everything I've heard about this movie sounds like it was created specifically to annoy me, so I'm going to try to ignore it and just talk about my pet peeve, which is this pop culture myth that the medieval period was particularly filthy, brutal, misogynistic and lawless. 

Which is simply not the truth, and here's a true story from 1348 that shows the real Middle Ages.

We know this story because it's a very important moment in the development of common law - that is, the facts and the conclusion of the story were written down and became the basis for how similar cases would be decided long into the future. This 1348 judicial decision (citation: I de S et Uxor v W de S (1348) yb 22 edw iii f 99) is still read by law students today when studying the tort (or wrong) of assault. That's nearly seven hundred years of judges and lawyers looking back at a medieval judicial decision and saying, "Yes! That was a good and just decision!"

To set the stage, it's the 1300s - a century famous for the Black Death, the Hundred Years' War, the Peasants' Revolt, and the Babylonian Captivity of the Church that saw the papacy moved to the French town of Avignon as puppets of the French monarchcy. But that's not the only thing that happens in the 1300s. This century also sees the publication of Dante's Divine Comedy; the Clockwork Revolution in which intricately designed clocks tracked everything from the hours of the day (which were measured in variable lengths) to the phases of the moon and the Sun's path through the zodiac; the creation of gorgeous books of hours and tapestries; the career of Christine de Pizan, the first woman known to have made a living from her pen; the writing of Geoffrey Chaucer and the radical social and religious reforms proposed by John Wyclif and his followers.

About the middle of this century a man known to history as W de S came in the night to the house of I de S and M, his wife, looking to buy some wine. The door to the taven was closed, so W pounded on the door with a hatchet, which he had in his hand. At this, M, the tavern-keeper's wife, put her head out the window and told him to stop. W responded by throwing the hatchet at M, narrowly missing her.

The tavern-keeper and his wife, contrary to what pop culture will tell you, responded exactly the way a couple of pub owners might respond today: they took the offender to court and argued that W had made an assault on M. W argued, in response, that he had committed no crime because the hatchet had not in fact struck M.

You might now be thinking that of course W would have won the case, since no actual physical harm was done to the woman he'd attacked. But you would be wrong! The judge in the case declared that the assault itself was harmful, and that W was liable to pay compensation for the fright he had caused M. 

"Ever since then," states my old Torts textbook, "the tort of assault has extended protection to a person's right to be free of emotional disturbance brought about by intentional threats of physical violence."

Law did exist in the middle ages. Women, as well as men, could expect to be protected by the law from assault. And not only physical, but even emotional damages could be awarded for assault...all the way back in 1348.

It wasn't a perfect time, but it was far from the callous brutality depicted on our movie screens.

What in the Kentucky fried fuck is this horseshit?

Someone arguing with me on nextdoor that $1020/mo is reasonable rent for a 2-bedroom apartment in an income controlled complex because it includes utilities.

I guess they missed the part where it includes SOME utilities, namely water/sewer and trash; the cheapest ones. Electricity and internet are on the individual renter.

But she also missed the part where I said that I have a full time job that pays just above the state minimum wage and both can't afford to live in the income-controlled complex because the rent including water/sewer and trash is more than half my take-home pay, AND EARN TOO MUCH TO QUALIFY TO LIVE THERE ANYWAY.

But we all know people don't read on the internet.

Unfortunately while that price is utterly stupid and unfair, it is pretty normal these days. I live in a 5bd/3ba and our collective rent is $2700.

Eridians must be absolutely amazed that Grace can be woken up before his sleep cycle is finished. They take advantage of this and fit the biodome's bedroom with a remotely-triggered alarm system, so if something ever goes wrong with the life support systems while Grace is asleep, they can wake him up and have him move to safety. But, being that their sleep is more like a deep dormancy, they WAY overestimate what it takes to forcibly wake someone up.

The first time they have to use it (over something stupid like a tiny ammonia leak), Grace wakes up to like three different foghorns and a hundred camera flashes going off at once and is like HOLY GEEZ THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US

(eta if someone with art talent wants to make this a proper eridian welcoming committee comic please do!)

RIP Rocky’s project

my town drug dealer shared this on facebook im cryigng 

why in the world are you friends with your town drug dealer?…

beucuase i buy drugs from him 

LOL. And you put his name on there, you tryna get him caught ?

Hello yes police there is a drug dealer i saw on the internet.his name is joe.   

certified iconic post

Thinking about the Holmes story where a blind girl goes to him and is like "My fiancé is missing and he kept telling me the week leading up to his disappearance that he would always love me and come back for me,were anything to happen so I think he knew he was in trouble and I love him so much and I'm going to wait for him but I'd like to find him faster,ya know?" And Holmes figures out that it was this girl's parents to scam her out of money she was owed from an estate which she gave to them because she was still living at home,which she wouldn't be if she ever married,so her step father PRETENDED TO DATE HER for MONTHS to keep her from ever getting engaged to a real person and when Holmes finds out he confronts this man and this man is like "Well,you caught me! But it wasn't illegal:) so:)" and Holmes is like "No,but it was sickening and cruel and if she had a brother or good male friend he should post you up and whip you but she doesn't." And the man is like "No,she doesn't." And does the Victorian version of sticking his tongue out and Holmes is like "Well,I guess I'll do then!" And HE PULLS OUT HIS HUNTING WHIP.

Holmes really went:

This is what we mean when we say everyone should support people with disabilities

Be the Sherlock Holmes chasing domestic abusers with a riding crop that you wish to see in the world.

I feel the need to point out also there's a story where a sex worker has been disfigured by a former lover(/pimp? Not entirely clear) throwing acid on her, and not only does Holmes treat her with courtesy and compassion, when she attacks her attacker Holmes goes to her trial to speak in her defense. I don't remember if Watson says she's released on Holmes' testimony or if her sentence is reduced on Holmes' testimony, but either way, in an era where propriety and reputation were everything, Holmes--a gentleman by social status and a public figure--got on the stand and basically said "yes, she's a sex worker. Yes, I know her, and you can make of that what you will. And yes, she deserves justice and a friend in her corner."

Like fucking hell. Most people couldn't manage that even today. Holmes did it in a time where just admitting he knew her--even in the context of him knowing her, which was "she was a potential witness in a case"--could have destroyed his career because what kind of gentleman, etc.

(bold is mine)

In essence...

Mamdani and Netanyahu share the same relationship that Netanyahu and Hamas used to have: superficially antagonistic, but structurally supportive.

I’ll never understand why anthropomorphic animal cartoons like Robin Hood and Zootopia will go to the trouble of creating character designs that are meant to be understood as “attractive” or even “sexy” to the human audience but explicitly avoid showing interspecies romances between anthropomorphic animals. Why is THAT weird but, like, trying to make rabbits recognizably sexy-coded to humans isn’t?

Sometimes, sure, but why was Maid Marian a fox in Robin Hood? There wasn’t anything particularly “foxlike” about her personality, and it would make more sense for her to be a lion. They made her a fox only because Robin was a fox and making her something else would be “weird”, but I don’t think the wolf cop or the chicken maid or the lion prince were actually meant to represent race.

The best inter species couple is Kermit and Miss Piggy as the Cratchits in A Muppet Christmas Carol, because all their sons are frogs and all their daughters are pigs, as God clearly intended.

there are only two genders: frog and pig

I’ve pointed out to my friends that the fact that Kermit and Miss Piggy’s kids are like that means either

1) they reproduce asexually and the children are clones of each parent OR

2) Kermit and Miss Piggy are members of the same sexually dimorphic species, hence the split between their male and female children

yes I have spent too long running about potential muppet biology

oh god

Third option, when they want kids they get some fabric and make one, and hope a Hand inhabits it

Do you think there’s a ritual for inviting An Inhabiting Hand to possess the empty husk of your muppet baby?

Just wanted to show u guys that in Muppets Most Wanted, Piggy fantasizes about her and Kermit having babies and this is what they look like

So do with that what you will

Recall that in The Great Muppet Caper, Kermit and Fozzie are brothers. And this was their dad (right):

Thank you for specifying, which one of the two individuals in the picture was the dad haha

I, for one, think Shrek handled interspecies coupling the best. By this I am of course talking about the Dronkeys.

In season 3 of BoJack Horseman, we learn Diane (middle) has been impregnated by Mr. Peanutbutter (left). The fetuses are confirmed to be puppies.

This is the worst addition to this post

I am reminded of Treasure Planet.

In which Captain Amelia (left), an extra terrestrial anthropomorphic cat, had hybrid babies with Doctor Doppler (middle), an extra terrestrial anthropomorphic dog, whom also gave birth to the babies

I always thought that in muppet movies like muppet Christmas Carol the characters are played by the muppets (so kermit is acting and playing the role of Bob rather than being him) so the kids in that film would just be other acting muppets right?

Or is that just something my brain made up?

Last time I saw this post (YESTERDAY) it stopped at the second Eggman

Last time I saw this

post (YESTERDAY) it stopped at

the second Eggman

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

anyone in this thread smoke weed

In Leo the Lion (2005) a lion and elephant have the most cursed hybrid children and I think yall should see them

(also Matt Mercer voices the villain, Maximus Elefante and I think that’s very important)

I think that what they are talking about is perfectly clear.

Amogus

World Heritage Post

I'm so sad the little shit didn't want to come back to play with me. "You don't even think the West is evil" is still sending me. Peak parody of the exact kind of person stupid and gullible enough to support Russia. Yeah bestie you WOULD think being a Russian psyop would be preferable wouldn't you?

I'm also not Ukrainian but that feels besides the point when this clown is lecturing DA EVUL WEST on genocide and mass rape as if that's not the Russian government's aspirations and official policy toward literally all their neighbors and has been for centuries now. Russia didn't become the largest country on earth by Russians being native to Muscovy and Chechnya and Chukotka and everywhere inbetween. As far as genocidal expansionism, Russia still puts everyone in DA EVUL WEST to shame on a very real and measurable basis.

they killed or drove out 95-97 percent of circassians and they still won't let them come back. they hosted a fucking olympics (sochi) on stolen circassian land and won't let the circassians come back.

like. the modern nation of russia is and has been built on genocide and colonization. and if you can't recognize that, if you are incapable of wholeheartedly supporting Ukraine, fuck off. There are very, very few wars where I think one side is justified both in its origin and how they are fighting.

Ukraine is one of them.

I don't think Putin is as bad as the Nazis, and I know it's not going to happen, but I do think a German-style approach might be the best way to go. Make Russia stop occupying its stolen land. Make it pay reparations -- the only one you'd be able to reasonably do is Ukraine, although reparations to Circassians and Georgians and all the Jews who fled the pogroms the Tsars encouraged and indigenous Siberians would be nice. If they don't have the money, make some sort of program to make them repay it. Go through the government and remove every war criminal you can. Tear down the government and build up a new one in its place. And then, then, hand over the government to the Russian people.

"You don't even think the West is evil!" Well. What is the West being compared to?

Russia? China? The Pan-Arab countries? Japan? All of them have done and often ARE DOING shit at least as bad as what you're accusing the West of.

I am BEGGING you people to at some point step away from your "colonialism/imperialism is when Westerners" and recognize that some things are bad, full stop.

Usually when we think of and talk about antisemitism in the whole jesus story we automatically go to his death and how we have blamed for it. The decide charge and how it has followed us all through out history to current days.

What I find baffling is that we talk about how the whole thing, the whole story is antisemitic.

The foundation of the jesus story begins in antisemitism starting with the story about his birth.

The whole narrative from birth to death is antisemitic.

King Herod from the Jewish perspective and Jewish is not a flattering account of the man. It isn't and I won't pretend it is.

He is highly praised in the Talmud for his effort and work in expanding and revitalizing the Second Temple.

In the story of jesus's birth the reason that his parents are in hiding and on the run is because King Herod is killing any boy infant he thinks may be the rightful king. The Massacre of the Innocents as it is called in the bible.

Historically speaking there was no such thing. King Herod killed people including members of his family, but this specific event or something similar never happened.

So here we have a story in which the villainous King of the Jews is murdering infants causing this holy child's parents to flee and him to be born in manger. This Jew's cruelty forces them to be refugees. After they are able to return the savior must hide the truth about himself lest he be killed by the Jews and their king. But the truth can not be hidden as he does wonders and miracles. Once all have heard of him and his message only a small few do not denounce him. All the repudiate him and accuse him. Ending with the Jews murdering him. But even that can not stop the savior as he return 3 days later.

Essentially this is the story that is told for the past two thousand years. This bare bones of the story.

How can anyone not see the absolute disgust and hate for Jews that exists in every part of this story. It is so obvious it is absurd to pretend it is not and it starts from the very start of the story.

The way that the massacre of innocents is treated like it is a historical fact when it is fact a total fiction is scary.

There is also something about the person who cast as the evil king being the same person who the Talmud praises for his work in expanding and revitalizing the Second Temple. Like of all the people to have as the villain this is who it is. Again King Herod not a good person and this is not me saying that. It is just that there is something about it being him when he is specifically praised for his work on the Second Temple.

Bava Batra 4a:6

The more I look the more I find when I look at the jesus story.

We never had a chance. We were set up to be the villains always and forever from the very start. This something that is so deeply ingrained and so pervasive in all christian and culturally christian societies that to root it out would take serious effort. It would also take commitment and acknowledgement that it even exists on both an individual scale and societal one. There has never actually been a reckoning with or about this deep and pervasive antisemitism.

Which is why we exist in a world that is so quickly able to turn on Jews. Exist in a world that in a blink of an eye was able to make us to be monsters and murderers. A world that one was willing to treat us human or some what humans and the next day unhumaned us.

It is why we have lived in world that has always had systemic antisemitic, antisemitism that deeply impacts Jews, but as far as everyone is concerned it doesn't exist only because it has been around for long that has become the norm.

Just because something wrong, hateful, discriminatory has become a part of the mundane and the normal doesn't suddenly stop making it wrong, hateful, and discriminatory. Just because something has been around so long that everyone got used to it doesn't mean it isn't still a problem, it isn't something that needs fixing.

Just because we Jews have learnt how to survive by relying on each other and finding support and help inside our own communities. Where we've had to do it for so long that we have become very competent at it doesn't make it okay that we still exist and have existed in a world where that often is our way to get help. That our only option is still only each other and what we do to try to address as much of our needs as we can. Because if we don't provide it we don't get it.

Only to have all of that thrown back in our face as a way to damn us and used evidence that we don't need help or resources.

Because the problem has been here for long and normalized for so long that we are treated like we are crazy for pointing out the problem. Because there is no problem we are told. It doesn't exist and never did we are told. But it is there, always has been, and it isn't going anywhere anytime soon.

A few more gems from that particular pile of shit:

--the Pharisees are presented as evil for questioning Jesus because "he'll give the wrong answer and we can totally arrest him." They're gonna arrest him for....presenting a d'var? You know, like...all of Jewish learning? This is literally the exact opposite of how that would work???

--the Cleansing of the Temple, aka "that time Jesus smashed up part of the Temple that was intended to be non-holy because it was non-holy, which incidentally would have included destroying the tzedakah box that fed the poor"

--the fact that John the Baptist is presented as doing something new and revolutionary. It's a mikvah, guys. He's literally just running a mikvah.

--Jesus hides in Egypt. Egypt. His family hides in fucking Egypt.

--so much of his purported history is just a reskin of Moshe's story it's insulting. Refugee baby in Egypt during massacre of children is hunted by a king! Child becomes deliverer of his people after a meeting with a divine being on a mountaintop! Pesach! And then you've got the smaller bits like "Jesus cursing the fig tree could be paralleled to Moshe hitting the rock."

--in real life, the Sanhedrin took Herod to task for executing prisoners without a proper trial. In the Jesus story, they claim they don't have the authority to call for an execution and demand one occur without a real trial.

--the whole Barabbas thing? We never did that? Like ever? In recorded history?

The more you know, the more obvious it becomes that the Gospels are a smear piece, and unfortunately it's been the most effective one in history.

The way my classes this semester look in my calendar is endlessly funny to me. Fuck man I'm sorry, I can't hang out on September 22nd, I'm so busy.

I'm still amused when I think of last summer when a coworker said, "Oh, bullshit, you are not," when I mentioned that I was 43.

the difference between the ones who look 25 and the ones who look like they remember the invention of Tupperware probably involves indoor tanning

Listening to the local fire department radios as they rescue a cat in a sewer. Here's how it's going:

FD: We can see the cat. Do you have an ETA on animal control?

Dispatch: Twenty minutes.

FD: Alright, we think we can get the cat.

Dispatch: Copy, we'll let animal control know.

FD several minutes later: We've got the cat.

Dispatch: Copy, do you still want--

FD, interrupting: Update, the cat DOES NOT like us.

Dispatch: ...so you do still want animal control, then?"

FD: Yes. Tell them the cat is in the engine.

Dispatch: ...are you also in the engine?

FD: Not anymore, no.

@thatdisasterauthor says: Update per the grapevine: kitty is doing well and has been adopted by one of the firemen! She has been named Spelunk and still does not like anyone else, but she’s decided she does like her adoptive dad.