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poppetawoppetI'm very good at fortune telling.
(Not the real kind, but the anxiety kind, where I think of how a certain situation goes, and it becomes self-fulfilling. Or worse the outcome is completely different, and I spend agonizing hours wondering how I didn't see it.)
I have never made it through a full season of LJIdol. Once I'm eliminated, a million other things come up and I just....disappear.
I'm not sure why I signed up this season. I have a mortgage, three extra people in my house, a potential job promotion floating in the horizon, a fic to write list that's way too long and... and... and...
I had plans to write about myself for once. To open up in ways I haven't tried to before.
As predicted, things happened.
This is the part where in the past, I would let go. What's the point in going on, when I'm going to fail anyway?
Except.
Things have been better for me, mental health wise. My anxiety has been nearly non-existent, and I find myself stepping forward into the light more often.
I don't think so far ahead I'm disappointed anymore. I don't forget the road I'm on while I'm looking for the next turn.
I write, and change the future.
(Not the real kind, but the anxiety kind, where I think of how a certain situation goes, and it becomes self-fulfilling. Or worse the outcome is completely different, and I spend agonizing hours wondering how I didn't see it.)
I have never made it through a full season of LJIdol. Once I'm eliminated, a million other things come up and I just....disappear.
I'm not sure why I signed up this season. I have a mortgage, three extra people in my house, a potential job promotion floating in the horizon, a fic to write list that's way too long and... and... and...
I had plans to write about myself for once. To open up in ways I haven't tried to before.
As predicted, things happened.
This is the part where in the past, I would let go. What's the point in going on, when I'm going to fail anyway?
Except.
Things have been better for me, mental health wise. My anxiety has been nearly non-existent, and I find myself stepping forward into the light more often.
I don't think so far ahead I'm disappointed anymore. I don't forget the road I'm on while I'm looking for the next turn.
I write, and change the future.
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no subject
on 2017-01-08 12:48 am (UTC)no subject
on 2017-01-08 02:06 am (UTC)no subject
on 2017-01-08 06:13 pm (UTC)This is the first time I've survived more than 2 weeks of Idol, either due to votes or being a little bit rubbish myself.
But we're both still here. We've got this!
no subject
on 2017-01-09 09:57 pm (UTC)Sometimes,simply doing things more often helps them get easier, and the more times you successfully do whatever it is...the less reason there IS for anxiety. You're on the right path. :)
no subject
on 2017-01-10 09:06 am (UTC)no subject
on 2017-01-10 06:23 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2017-01-10 11:57 pm (UTC)