It's late, I can feel sleep beckoning but am struggling to accept it's embrace. I feel trapped, weighed down by pressures I can't describe or give voice to. I am distracted by many things, unable to follow a task to completion, even this entry is likely going to go unfinished,
So very hot, even in the depths of winter I feel like a furnace, not sick as far as I can tell, at least not sick in the body, the mind the jury is still out on.
Apparently I'm being pathetic, to those who see but don't understand, the paralysis of descion makes it hard to do what's best for me, because there aren't good alternatives and giving up is never an option. Don't think I'm made for relationships, I give too much and the resentment of this burns away the caring side. Or maybe it's a cycle of my moods, an endless up and down, an ever twisting path
Today we started later than usual due to being knackered from yesterday. We started the afternoon with a trip to the Curiousity Tea rooms, an Alice in Wonderland themed tea rooms. This time I had two different teas, a Coffee and Amerato redbush and later on, an Apple and Cinnamon black tea. Both were good but it was the setting here that was the most fantastic part of the experience. They even had a table and chair attached to the ceiling, complete with a full teaset!
After lunch, we walked up to the Whisky Experience, which was a fascinating insight into the process by which whisky was created. I'll admit that getting to taste a variety of different whisky's was fascinating. I even treated myself to a Macallan 18 year old whisky, and can see why it's supposed to be the king of whisky's. There is so many different varients, I had a hard time chosing what to buy! I settled on a recomended Highland whisky which is a combination of the Highland fruity notes and the smokey Islay whisky's which I usually drink.
After the tour we went to an Optical Illusion place across the street which included a fascinating Camera Obscura. Have to say that going into the Vertigo Tunnel after rhe whisky was a mistake!!
All in all, it's been a good day and both L and I will be sad to go home tomorrow.
Today was spent at the Zoo, which like the rest of Edinburgh consists entirely of "uphill", whilst I'd love to come back in the future I feel I should undertake some training first and maybe a practice climb up Ben Nevis or Snowdon first!
We managed to see just about every animal, though a few of the big cats were a bit shy. I think my favourite was the gorgeous Sumatran Tiger, with then penguins being a close second. What surprised me about the zoo is it is almost entirely rare and endangered species rather than the more common breeds you see in other zoo's. The staff here were very knowledgable on the various habitats and creatures in their care. It's clear that they do love their animals very much.
I'll admit that some of the monkey enclosures seemed a little small for their inhabitants, one poor fella looked to be cage crazy, running back and forth on the ledge of the cage slapping the walls.
We managed to avoid the rain until the very end as we were viewing the Giant Panda's who were mostly asleep. I was surprised to learn that panda's gestate their offspring for a variable period of time, from 3 months to 13 months.
All in all a good day, dinner out at Weatherspoons tonight for a few of the local beers!
Today was intended to be a day of tea and tourism, which was very much achieved. The day started with a stop at Eteaket Tea Shop, where I had a fantastic Chilli Roibois, though it was a pot enough for 4 people! Alongside this I had potato cakes topped with black pudding and poached egg. L had a Massala Chai latte and blueberry toast.
After fortifying ourselves we set off for a wander around the town before heading off for a guided tour of Edinburgh castle. The castle itself was spectacular and our guide knew his job, making sure we had plenty of information about the history. The views from the castle were breathtaking and you can see why it featured so strongly in the history of the city. At one point a demonstration of musket and cannon made L jump out of her skin! Several souvenirs were bought including a couple of whisky miniatures, a shot glass and some interesting whisky beer.
Many photos were taken, particularly in the fascinating museums featured in the city.
After the castle our final stop was at Pekoe Tea,another tea room, thought a bit of a trek from where we were at the castle. This time I had a strong Assam and a slice of hazelnut brownie. I prefered Pekoe as it was a friendlier place overall.
Back now at the hotel and contemplating passing out due to aching legs! Edinburgh seems to be entirely made of upwards hills!
Well the first day in Edinburgh and I'm already having a good time. We've lucked out with where our accomodation is situated right by the train station and by the main city centre.
The room we've got is basic but sufficient, student accomodation normally so we have our own room and shared kitchen. Bought a few basics from Poundland so have crockery and such, as well as some basic foodstuffs so we're not eating out all the time.
Love the old buildings we've seen so far, a lot like London but less claustrophobic.
First meal of the trip is a local Indian called Zest, the food was exquisite and I highly recomend the Salmon 65. Had a local beer Caledonian 65 which was a pleasant change to my usual Cobra and better suited to my favourite spicy dishes.
I feel like I'm approaching another downwards blip in my life again, I'm sleeping less, have gained weight and am generally starting to feel like the entire world is turning against me.
With all the stress L is under at the moment, and the way it's affecting her health, I do feel really isolated. It's not helped by an idiot at work who has declared her mission to "stop me being miserable and grumpy"
Unfortunately she just doesn't realise that if I don't get a chance to turn inwards a little, the added stress just makes me angry and confrontational instead. I don't feel anywhere as bad as I've done before, but it also isn't brilliant in my head either.
I've not written here for ages, I've been far too busy living day to day to actually stop and contemplate what I'm actually doing.
It's been nearly a year since I moved in with L, and now seemed an approriate time to stop and take stock of whats gone on before. Some key points that have occured, in no particular order.
I've unfortunately undone all the hard work on my weight of the previous two years, having sacrificed it for progress at work and comfort at home. Until we're ready to expand our family, the portions I cook are too large. It's a trade-off really, either I keep myself focused on my needs, or I work for the benefit of us.
I've finally managed to start the divorce process, though its still a time fraught with worry.
Work is going both well for me, and somewhat of a disapointment. It goes well because I'm in a role that is suited to me, something that I do well with and the company has specifically carved out a niche for me to sit within. The disapointment stems from my desire to grow into a new role, something that wouldn't have been a good fit to me but by it's uncomfortable nature, have made me grow. I guess though this comes back to my decision not to take the job offered to me by another company.
Our cat, Yasmine is still very much a nuisance, even now as I'm writing she's climbing on the side knocking things over. She lost a playmate the other day, L found the playmate dead by the side of the carpark, so is being a bit of a nuisance atm.
So, looking forward to the year ahead, once the divorce is finalised, L and I will be free to move on with our relationship, though I admit to a little concern about rushing things too quickly. Again it comes back to comfort, as I'm of the mindset that life is to be comfortable, free from conflict and disarray. I'm also aware that being comfortable stagnates me, and leaves me in patterns which become ultimate self destructive. I think that at some point this year I should look for a new job, or if that isn't feasible insist on taking on challenges outside my comfort zone.
Well I decided to stick in my current role after they offered to match the salary offer, and commit to changing the problems I've been experiencing with my job satisfaction.
It's abeen a long while since I've had anything to post but I'm at something of a cross-roads and wanted to record things to keep my thoughts straight.
It's been a while since I've posted to my journal, life has been rushing by so much I've not had a chance to make a post.
There's a lot I should write down for future reference, right now I'm sitting on the sofa of my brand new home waiting for Louise to finish her shower.
Can't believe we've finally made it after only 8 months together! :)
