pleir

I fucking hate the elf forums fuck my life

oh my goodness, one of dian fossey’s first close up observations with gorillas happened when she was trying to climb a tree to see them better, but so badly that by the time she’d gotten up the entire group had come out of hiding to look at her: “Nearly all members of the group had totally exposed themselves, forgetting about hiding coyly behind foliage screens because it was obvious to them that the observer had been distracted by tree-climbing problems, an activity they could understand.”

hello, fellow apes

The lead up to that sentence is gold:

[Image transcript: porch. The group had been day-nesting and sunbathing when I contacted them, but upon my approach they nervously retreated to obscure themselves behind thick foliage. Frustrated but determined to see them better, I decided to climb a tree, not one of my better talents. The tree was particularly slithery and, try as I might, no amount of puffing, pulling, gripping, or clawing succeeded in getting me more than a few feet aboveground. Disgustedly, I was about to give up when Sanwekwe came to my aid by giving one mighty boost to my protruding rump; tears were running from his eyes as he was convulsed in silent laughter. I felt as inept as a baby taking its first step. Finally able to grab on to a conveniently placed branch, I hauled myself up into a respectful semislouch position in the tree about twenty feet from the ground. By this time I naturally assumed that the combined noises of panting, cursing, and branch-breaking made during the initial climbing attempts must have frightened the group on to the next mountain. I was amazed to look around and find that the entire group had returned and were sitting like front row spectators at a sideshow. All that was needed to make the image complete were a few gorilla-sized bags of popcorn and some cotton candy! This was the first live audience I had ever had in my life and certainly the least expected.]

imagine some freakish not-a-human alien THING has shown up out of nowhere and is trying to get into your office building to study you. but it has no idea how to get past a revolving door. it tries for three hours. by the time it finally understands the concept of a revolving door and squeeze into the building everyone in the office is crowded into the lobby to watch and call helpful suggestions. it’s conclusively determined that the alien is definitely not a threat, except maybe to itself.

Addition approved

Hello, speaker of a relatively small or otherwise neglected language. Here at Company, we have decided to impose upon you the worst accessibility feature: An automatically activated, incredibly shitty translation of our product. Want to turn it off? Well good luck wading through our butchering of your language to find the settings menu.

speaker of any language

its atrocious, the ai voiceovers always sound like someone having a stroke! jalf the time its almost impossible to understand what the hell this robot is talking about while trying to sound human, TTS used to do a better job a decade ago!

EVEN BETTER when there is actually no way to turn it off :) because americans only speak english :) so you only speak one language too right :)))))))))

Hello, speaker of a relatively small or otherwise neglected language. Here at Company, we have decided to impose upon you the worst accessibility feature: An automatically activated, incredibly shitty translation of our product. Want to turn it off? Well good luck wading through our butchering of your language to find the settings menu.

My woke take, as someone who has worked in both a public library and a school library, is that we desperately need both more books that are at a higher reading level but a less mature subject matter, and more books that are at a lower reading level but a more mature subject matter, because 8 year olds who are advanced readers are still 8 year olds and don't want to read about graphic violence and torture, and teens and adults who have learning difficulties or who are just later readers for whatever reason are still teens and adults and don't want to read about Billy the Bunny going to school or whatever the hell.

So one of the things that can apparently contribute to kidney issues in cats is if they eat too much dry food and don't drink enough water; cats are adapted to get a lot of their water from their food since they're originally desert animals, and might not get enough water if they don't eat wet food. Unfortunately, Dozy won't eat wet food no matter what; she categorically refuses to touch the stuff. So a few months ago, we were looking for ways to get Dozy more fluids, and my wife noticed at the pet store a cat drink--basically meat broth with some floaty bits in--that was low-protein and meant for cats with kidney issues. So we figured, worth a try, right?

Great news: she loved it. Super tasty apparently. Great success. Along with the kidney-sensitive treats we found, it was a nice way to supplement her diet. Unforseen long-term consequence though: she loved it so much she began demanding it throughout the day. Like, would come up to us and meow, and meow, and meow, and not stop, until we got up, went to the kitchen, and got her some cat drink.

And by doing so on demand, we have unfortunately created a monster: no matter what we are doing at home, Dozy knows that if she sits next to you and meows, 1) you know what she wants, and 2) you know that she will not stop until you get it for her now. And when you do get it, she gets extremely excited. She will bum rush the kitchen door as you enter. She will run around your feet as you open the can. She will let out the creakiest, crunchiest, most nails-on-the-chalkboard meow you've ever heard if she thinks you're not going fast enough.

I do not begrudge her this. It is gratifying to care for a creature whose most ardent desires are so simple that it is this easy to fulfill them. But I am a little sad, because I know in my heart that I have never loved any comestible as much as she loves this cat drink. She has a pleasure of a purity and intensity that I will never know.

[the creacher in question]

Nothing on earth could have prepared me for the fucking face of Dozy

Getting a print version of the Onion is a decision I'll never regret

Every one of the 12 "ads" in this version is insulting Musk

I think we should figure out what age we’re living in now so we can say how it’s collapsing to each other

Our age of plastics is collapsing

Our age of information is collapsing! *remembers generative AI, nods to self* our age of information is collapsing.

being a communist is like hanging out with a bunch of normies stealthily and laughing and having a good time, then one of them out of nowhere says some bonkers fascist shit and then everybody laughs and moves on without even acknowledging it. and you have to pretend not to be stunlocked because the alternative is to be outed as the One Person In The Room Who Doesn't Have Her Head Up Her Ass at which point the social space will eat you alive for daring to not be the most milquetoast of goodvibes liberal. and it's always some shit that's like. incomprehensibly regressive like people's opinions on Kink or about an esteemed historical communist like Mao or Lenin and you have to just be like. Uh huh :) because you are outnumbered and it would not be strategically effective to decided to argue with these people. but you feel a little bit more alienated from your fellow human and start going about your day making more calculations about which parts of yourself you will withhold from these people.

i wonder if this whole Calling Typical Misogyny "Porn Addiction" thing wasn't just a successful psyop to shift feminist critique into a right wing framework i.e. trying to make it about "modern degeneracy" and thus paralyzing discourse on the root issue

everything these people claim is "porn addiction" is literally just misogyny. porn could be dismantled globally and men will still view and treat women as sexual property because surprise! turns out men have expected sexual subservience from women loooong before porn ever existed

got pissed off and made this

This is what I was alluding to when I discussed that the volume of name changes you have to make as a trans person highlights the ridiculous amount of documentation attached to you.

Don't you understand that some people are allergic to dogs? And some people just don't want dogs around them, and that's their culture, and you have to respect it. And, what, even children get the dogs?? How are the parents going to explain to their children why they suddenly have a dog. It's an unreasonable burden to expect everyone to have a puppy. At least you can WFH on the toilet with Diarrhea Forever.