PixiePilot

Well, I'm not wonderful and ok, but today I Did Things. Cleaned the bedroom, the studio and the litter boxes. I got the garbage out, and I'm almost done with three loads of laundry. I even took a walk. All three miles. And got a turtle out of the road. Not bad for staying in bed way later than I meant to this morning, but maybe I can get up earlier tomorrow.

I had a jewelry show on Saturday at a friend's house, but only three people showed up near the end of the scheduled time. It was about eight hours of work including set up and tear down, so it was a little disappointing, but the people who did come loved what they bought, and I did some repairs, and I custom made a couple of pieces. I spent last night looking into craft fairs in the area and asking for applications for a few in the fall for high schools. A lot of the city sponsored ones are pretty expensive, juried (and you have to pay a jury fee to even me considered), and pretty full. I'll have to get a head start on the shows for next spring about now. Kind of like the Artist Alleys at conventions, you have to get in a long time before the show. I'm also worried my work isn't quite up to the standards of other jewelry makers, but maybe they just had really good promotional photography.

So, did things. Cleaned things. Exercised. Have plenty to do tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. But it's a start.

So, I'm sitting here in my house instead of sitting on a plane that will land shortly in San Diego, and then in a rental car that will head up to Oceanside. My parents and youngest brother were all on it, but yesterday, in a fit of really rather painful insecurity, self loathing and depression, I decided not to go. The thought of being cooped up with nearly every single one of my mother's sisters' families for the weekend was freaking me out. So here I sit, at home alone for the next week, not quite sure what to do with myself.

I really did want to go for a walk on the beach every day. The area isn't crowded and commercialized. It would have been calming and beautiful and maybe even fun. I wanted to go to the pier and get an ice cream sundae, or whatever else sounded good at the diner at the end of it. The last time we had a family reunion there, I spent the majority of my time just sitting and staring at the ocean, listening to the waves. It wasn't unpleasant. But this time I couldn't even get myself to pack and go get on a plane.

Sure I have excuses. Whisper needs to be on antibiotics till they run out and we're only halfway there, and none of the people available to cat-sit would have been able to catch her and dose her twice a day. There's herbs and flowers and the garden to water. Okay, anyone would have been able to do that much, so it's not much of a reason, so I guess I only have the one excuse.

And I have things to do. I have plenty of materials to make new jewelry for a show that's coming up on the 22nd. I have writing exercises to help me regain my creativity, and writing exercises to help me overcome my rampant depression. Sometimes they even help a little bit. For a little while. Sometimes. The weather is actually pretty decent today, not steamy. I could go for a walk. Or go for a swim at the rec center and soak in the hot tub. Or go to the library. I still need to read The Dresden Files series by Jim Butcher. I could get up and fix myself something to eat today. I should probably eat today.

I do better when I'm concentrating on doing things. Well, doing things that require some concentration, but not a lot of stress and worry. Things I'm already pretty good at. Baking, jewelry making, drawing, reading. So I should get up and do one or more of those things to take up my time and keep me sane(ish) till I can finally justify (or force myself) to go back to sleep and be unconscious for the generally accepted sleeping hours of most of humanity.

So many good options, right? Things that will help me fill the time and keep me from thinking too much about the people who are going to miss me being there, and the people I should love enough to want and take the opportunity to build my relationships with them. My own nieces and nephews who I love very much, but was afraid of alienating with my reclusive behavior and frayed temper. So many things to do instead of being somewhere pretty important, doing things that might have been difficult, but ought to be done, and could have been some sort of fun.

And I could find someone today who could feed the cats and water the plants and give me a ride to the airport, and then I could stand by to get on a flight to San Diego tomorrow or Friday. My family would come down from Oceanside and pick me up and be happy that I came, and no one at the reunion would know that I dissed them all and almost stood them up entirely if I got my crap together and got out there.

So many options. And here I sit.

After several nervous months of thought, debate, and trying to figure out a way to work things out, I had to let my boss go today. She had let two of the four of her employees go on Monday, and after a discussion with her about how to make things better that went nowhere, I and the last employee let her go today. I am a little concerned, because after the meeting today failed to get us anywhere, I pretty much stormed out, and she was supposed to pay us today and made excuses about not being able to after all. I had better get that check next week. 44 hours is a lot to lose.

I've always thought that there's nothing worse than a bad job - except for hunting for a new one. But even that thought couldn't keep me from moving on. Job hunt, here I come. And maybe selling my own jewelry in the mean time.

At the insistence of Sanzo and The Chibi, I have made Korra, Mako and Bolin worry dolls. I am a little worried about getting Korra's hair right. It's going to take some serious detail work. Bolin's got his little curl, and Mako uses product, for which I have glue, but Korra's wrapped ponytails are going to be tough. Kyo, Duo, Trowa, Wufei, Draco, Hermione and Sasuke all got hair and pins today, though, so it's been a good day. Sadly, I have to go to work and deal with The Queen (of drama) tomorrow. I took both days off last week, as I was sick. I'm still not full strength, but I can't miss any more work.

I have been working my fingers to the bone (not quite literally) getting ready for Fanime by making worry dolls. Yes, the worry dolls I didn't really want to make and sell anymore - but they're my best selling product, so I'm taking the plunge and trying to be prepared. I did 22 of the little bodies today, a few still need faces and all of them need hair, but I'm making good progress. I have a wide selection of characters from Gundam Wing, Fruits Basket, Naruto (and Harry Potter), but I'm working on adding more anime options. The big one today was getting Edward Elric from FullMetal Alchemist made. I even did a version with no red coat and his automail arm. His short braid is going to be a little bit of a pain, but it'll be worth it when he's done. I'm still not sure how to make the State Alchemist uniform look good, but I'll try that next so I can make Roy and Riza.

Me and Sanzo wandered around the street festival today, and saw cosplayers and martial artists, and plushies and food. Of course I'm all about the food. I was also about the ninja show, but it was a couple hours too late when we were all tired out, so we missed it. But I didn't miss sushi, mochi and mitarashi dango. Mmmm, tasty. No big purchases of kimono or anything today, but we sure had fun.

I may have gotten up late, like usual, but I took a 3 mile walk in a gorgeous neighborhood and equally gorgeous weather, I planted iris and geraniums, and I worked on some of the queen's stuff till I couldn't string any more tiny chips of aquamarine anymore. All in all, a good day. Missed a chance to go swimming with Sanzo, but we'll do it next week. I'd better get to the rec center and buy a pass.

Today I went to my first Wizard Rock concert, as it was right in my own neigborhood. The Blibbering Humdingers, Witherwings, and Leth I. Fold were playing. It was small, very, very geeky, and a lot of fun. I didn't wear full wizard gear, I promise. (Which is good, because neither did anyone else.)

But I did wear my rainbow striped socks and rolled my pants up a bit.

Working for the queen before a big show is like working for a chicken with its head cut off. the checklist of what's in the car should happen while the car is being loaded, not after it has been. But whatever. It was S's last day, but she'll see us again, since she took projects home to work on and bring back. And! Next week is spring break, and the queen will be out of town. Awesome.

Yesterday I got my eye exam, and ordered glasses, and it's funny when I like the $8 frames the best. Getting sunglasses this time, too, which is important. I don't want a squinchy face to be my permanent one during the summer. They don't carry my type of contacts anymore, which makes me sad, but not that sad.

Ummmm, tomorrow, Sanzo and I are gonna see "The Hunger Games" and see if it's any good. And see if Johnny Rockets will seat us this time.

Well, there were a few stalwart cherry trees in DC who were hanging onto a few last blossoms, despite the wind and lateness of the season. But we had a picnic lunch next to a tulip garden, so that was nice. We also saw a pair of mallard duck wings floating in the Tidal Basin attached to each other, but unattached to any duck. I still don't get how that happened. I guess I didn't need to write about that last bit. Sorry.

Today I cleaned and oiled all the beat up bookshelves the queen uses for her shows. Fun times. It was better than being inside and acting as her personal secretary, though. And I told her I couldn't work tomorrow when she dropped that on me this afternoon. So glad I made that eye appointment for tomorrow morning. Score. I brought some work home, but we'll see how much I get to. THURSDAY IS S's LAST DAY! This makes me very sad. I'm going to miss her cheerful and optimistic sniping. I'm going to make cupcakes to celebrate her escape.

In other news, my brother wrecked the auxilliary back up car a while back, and we've been short a vehicle ever since, and juggling getting people to the places they need to go. So, we're getting another car tonight. A Pilot. I have to chuckle. And take it camping sometime.