I need to be so far from human ears That I could scream until my throat screamed back at me And my echoes mimicked instincts long forgotten by man Scream until my teeth burst from my skull Until all of society rots from within me And my voice washes over me like a wind That carries these machine-made burdens away And oh to hear my voice pierce and ricochet Off of everything in my way As a mating call As a warning to predators As their invitation as well I'll never read a clock again And feel my heart in that irregular rhythm of anxiety And I'll never swallow another pill I'll never swallow anything again I'll be content to photosynthesis as fertilizer I'll do anything to feel For once, for real.
I've been having the dopest dreams lately. and I remember them when I wake up. that's the best part.
last night I dreamt that my friends and I got around by sliding on pillows because the ground was so smooth every where. and then pumpkin lost her purse and that was a big deal.
I went to some kind of office building and people from my job where there. and my locker from work. I took tons of dog treats out of it to give to my dog, muppet, for his birthday. then me and my friends slid to like this crazy foresty place where we found some guys skating. I knew one of them from freshman year and he tried hitting on me by making some rude comment about my breasts.
then my dog showed up and my mom and a ton of people. and we sang happy birthday. and then we all went on a trip to a lake. all of my friends and their families were there. and I was worried because ashley's niece was there and I was afraid animals in the water would eat her. then we all sort of had one preverbal mother and she asked me to make dinner for everyone. I said I was sorry, but it would have to be vegan.
suddenly we were in a house and I stepped out of the kitchen where I was making mashed potatoes, I think. Right there in the living room was Kanye West. He wanted me to listen to his new album with him on his iPod. so we shared the ear phones and watched his new video. then one of his friends came over and brought his kids. and I ended up having to baby sit them.
but all I remember after that is being worried that I lost my blue hippo pillow that I was sliding around on because I had it since I was two. and I didn't remember if I brought it home with me or not.
having trouble feeling accomplished. like I could always be doing more. and trust me I could. but I just sit around and lie to myself or hate myself. and fuck hating myself because it sucks fat balls. and fuck my expressions that reflect my company. and fuck my company because I love them too much to ever hate them at all. and maybe I'll grow out of being such a person. this person. picklexperson. but til now I'm wallowing in the unsatisfactory essence of me. and I swear I could choke most of the time.
I need people to love me to prove myself worthy of something. of some one else's attention. and fuck that philosophy or regulated theory of my standards concocted of some one else's standards. and fuck everything. because that seems like the most bad ass solution I could come up with right now.
being real means being serious and not taking yourself so seriously it's being able to love broadly and exclusively being real is being influenced but not imitating it means loving your self enough to love everyone else around you. being real is hard and that's why real people are cherished and their opposites put in magazines.
just because senior year decided to spring up on me, does that mean I have to know what I want to do with my life.
right now: I want straight A's and a job at mother's market. maybe a car run on veggie oil.
in the long run: I want to change the world. but I'm not too sure how.
career paths are paths etched into the world by someone else and that is no great sort of change. I don't want to choose a path. I want to make one of my own.
Sometimes I can't believe with my eyes The worlds truth is disguised And lies well devised Motives powered by image The Smoke'n'mirrors reality I find myself craving Yearning for like you do That T.V. Gypsy voodoo Highlighting the worst Making them the best Ooo. I crave satisfaction. A piece of mind Maybe just a bite of mind Just a lollie pop lick Something quick Then back to reality. Back to a real man A black suit and a gansta lean one mean pimp-slappin' machine
I want to pull my eyes from my head and wash them clean.
I want to cleanse every eye I can see Every single one looking back at me.
I want to destroy all eyes to better the future of every eye that will judge this earth and her lings.
Recyled eye-deas leave a bad taste in my mouth and prove nothing.
Imitation is suicide edicius si noitatimi
Reverse this curse this plaugue on man on woman to hate by sight
I could pluck every eye I see To fulfill my fantasy Of a home where love is known And not filled with cilicone And traced in expection A magazine interpretation Of what beauty is. Beauty is no longer in the eye Of the editor: the free-thinker's predator Praise the ablility to see With out the lense of reality.
I am the happiest I've been in a while and I can't really explain why. life is so good yo. I'm stoked for every day. and people who try to bring me down CAN'T!
poor little livejournal that I never update. well...nothing new really. I'm on spring break. yesterday morning I got my wisdom teeth out. now my face is SO FAT! despite the icing. but I get these awesome pain pills. so that's cool I guess. I'm going to spend the day sewing my squid. when I finish it I'll upload a pic of it. it's going to be huge! as huge as my swollen face.
I'm going to ride a bike to the beach right now. and build a sand castle that's big enough for me to live in. and I'm going to plant an avocado tree in my "front yard" because avocados are perfect and amazing. mel is going to live there with me. and any one else who wants to. and I'm going to imagine a meteor shower where the meteors spell out poetry in the sky. and there's NOTHING you can do about it.
uncomfortable