Heart to emergency evacuate out of my chest

I love you all.

I wish i was stronger.

I'm doing well.... you know, breathing, eating, and living.

I have more or less a normalized sleeping pattern. 

I'm doing a really bad job at keeping up with my friends.

I finally seem to have found whatever has been missing from my life... and that makes me happy.

And no, i'm not telling you what. =)

 

Life seems to be in balance:

everything at the apartment and living with my friends seems to fit so right

classes are increasing in speed to the point that i have to jog to keep up.

No one ever said life had to be perfect to be happy.

I love everyone.

I had a nice day hanging out with my favorite cousin at her house. We spent most of the afternoon sitting next to each other on stools typing away on our laptops, talking to each other, showing each other funny videos, eating, and playing with the dogs. We went to eat crab legs at Red Lobster. It's a tradition us cousins came up with. We were missing a member of our crab eating team because she's away at UCF, but just the two of us was better than just me alone. I was sorry i didn't get to spend the day at the beach with liz, but i think today was well worth spent.

I've been going out a lot this past week and been drinking considerable amounts. No, i haven't been drunk driving because i had friends with me so i controlled myself.

Yes, i sometimes feel empty on the inside when i think about, but most of the time it is a forgotten feeling that is at the back of my mind. I have no major complaints to my life or the way i live; quite the contrary. I just feel that i'm missing a part of myself, but i've felt like this for so long that even that missing part feels like a phantom pain. I've grown used to it.

My jobless, classless summer is halfway over. In fact, my jobless summer is ending sooner. Sunday will be my first day at my family's restaurant in boca working as a sushi apprentice. I've worked as a bus boy during holidays as an extra pair of hands, but this might be a longer period of work. Who knows... i might actually like it and have a job for the rest of the summer. In fact, if i do pick it up, i can continue it up in gainesville, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. I doubt my cousin could get me an intern position at her job for the next month and a half, so let's just settle with the sushi job. The idea seems entertaining enough.

I mean well most of the time. I try my best to be there for the people that i love. I'm starting to wonder if i even am there when they really need me. I do disappearing acts on people and i feel that i'm not the friend i thought i could be.

I am sunburnt and sickly.
I can't breathe and go out.
I am croaking and i have a slight headache.
I have piles of snot rags and cough up gross stuff.


But in the end, i don't feel all that bad.
It could be worse.

Things are a little better for now.

And that's all i could hope for.

The words aren't coming to me anymore.


I need to collect my thoughts.

I need this all to end.


I feel like i'm a forgotten thought.


I want to sit in a tub and have the shower fall like rain on me.


Everything isn't what it seems. The surface is only the surface.

Oh man, last night was bad. I'm good now.

People, however much they say they do, don’t change.

Maybe a little, a change here, a tweak there, but the person doesn’t have a drastic change.

Our first impressions can vary from what we think of people later.

Thus, the only thing that is changing, are the impressions.