that which does not make sense at all
I went out drinking with Tony last Sunday night for his farewell party. We met first at around 9:30pm and shared 5 bottles of beer and tons of food while waiting for our other co-workers who were supposed to close the restaurant. At around 12mn, Kuya Ramil, Stephen, and Roselyn came and we continued our round of drinks and exchange of chitchats.
I met him again yesterday to watch a movie and grab lunch as my farewell present (I wasn't able to buy the wallet I promised him so I made up for it by treating him out). Ocean's 13 was nice and the Thai food afterwards was great as well. Especially my glass of Monte Cristo (Columbian coffee with 1 1/4 parts of Kahlua).
For some odd reason I've been feeling immensely depressed since yesterday. Maybe it's because of the fact that he's leaving today in 41 minutes.
The depression might be because of the thought of losing yet another dear friend. Maybe it's for another reason entirely.
After the last time I've cried over wimpy and girlish matters (a.k.ka matters of this god-forsaken heart) I swore to myself to remain as unattached as possible. To maintain caution and guard this stupid thing sitting at the middle of my chest well. Getting hurt over that stupid l-word is already painful. Getting hurt over the stupid l-word with the same reason twice is just plain stupid.
Maybe that's the reason why for the longest time I have been in denial. That up until the last minute I stood my ground and remained guarded.
And I have fooled myself once again.
Not until that final moment- when he said goodbye- that I felt my chest lurch, clench, and plummet all in one swift motion. That parting moment was enough to render me melancholic and depressed for the rest of the night and today.
If given the chance to turn back time, should I have done things any differently? That, I am not sure. It does not, however, change the fact that he's leaving.
I swore to myself never to regret the things I have done. And I am hoping not to start now.
Let's just chalk it up as one of my stupidity stints and leave it at that.
After all, who manages to realize she's been feeling something special for someone and get her heart broken as well all at the same time?
No one but an idiot, I say.
Just my luck to fall into the same hole twice.
It was never meant to be from the start.
Now forget I ever said this.
He's just a friend and I'm just feeling sad that he's leaving in 19 minutes.
And these are not tears, my eyes are just itchy.
The depression might be because of the thought of losing yet another dear friend. Maybe it's for another reason entirely.
After the last time I've cried over wimpy and girlish matters (a.k.ka matters of this god-forsaken heart) I swore to myself to remain as unattached as possible. To maintain caution and guard this stupid thing sitting at the middle of my chest well. Getting hurt over that stupid l-word is already painful. Getting hurt over the stupid l-word with the same reason twice is just plain stupid.
Maybe that's the reason why for the longest time I have been in denial. That up until the last minute I stood my ground and remained guarded.
And I have fooled myself once again.
Not until that final moment- when he said goodbye- that I felt my chest lurch, clench, and plummet all in one swift motion. That parting moment was enough to render me melancholic and depressed for the rest of the night and today.
If given the chance to turn back time, should I have done things any differently? That, I am not sure. It does not, however, change the fact that he's leaving.
I swore to myself never to regret the things I have done. And I am hoping not to start now.
Let's just chalk it up as one of my stupidity stints and leave it at that.
After all, who manages to realize she's been feeling something special for someone and get her heart broken as well all at the same time?
No one but an idiot, I say.
Just my luck to fall into the same hole twice.
It was never meant to be from the start.
Now forget I ever said this.
He's just a friend and I'm just feeling sad that he's leaving in 19 minutes.
And these are not tears, my eyes are just itchy.