I hate going home for holidays. It's not that its boring (which it is, but I don't mind that in small doses). I get to hang out with my in laws, which I love - they are really awesome and I feel so comfortable there. I get to go to the supermarket and walk by A and remind him what he's missed out on. Childish, yes... I need to get out of the habit. Its just so much fun!
But my family, God, they just stress me to the max. I spend as little time there as I can but they still manage to make me want to never come back. My mother is such a selfish, childish, materialistic wench (lol - V's word), which I realise that I can be a lot like too. But I don't think I'm as bad as her. I don't go to the lengths she does. I realise that now her children are almost grown she probably wants to go out and think of herself for awhile, but note that I've written ALMOST. My little sis is still at home, and I worry about her heaps. She's turned into one of those kids who think they can get their way in everything, because my mother just doesn't care anymore. She lets her have her way just so she can go out sooner, or whatever she wants to do that day. I'm so angry at her for that. She's completely changed from the kind of person I knew when I was growing up, and I don't know if its just that she was always that way and when she had kids she had to change. I don't know. Its gotten to the point where I just don't care anymore, it hurts too much to worry about it. I'm coming back to Brisbane and stressing about the whole situation and its having an impact on my home life, my studies, my work and my relationship. So this entry was just to get it all out, so from now on I will not let anything of what happens there affect me.
So! My knuckles are roughed up and bleeding from boxing on Anzac Day. The first time I've made my knuckles bleed from training! I'm so proud of myself, but want them to go away as soon as possible because they sting like all hell. Plus I'll have to wear gloves until they heal and I'd much rather not wear them. My Zhang Quan form is going good. I need to practice it heaps more though so I can be ready for my grading when S comes next. Just trying to get it as perfect as possible - the perfect angles, the perfect distance between my feet in each stance - is a bit difficult, especially in my totally dodgy backyard. But apart from that its all good.
But my family, God, they just stress me to the max. I spend as little time there as I can but they still manage to make me want to never come back. My mother is such a selfish, childish, materialistic wench (lol - V's word), which I realise that I can be a lot like too. But I don't think I'm as bad as her. I don't go to the lengths she does. I realise that now her children are almost grown she probably wants to go out and think of herself for awhile, but note that I've written ALMOST. My little sis is still at home, and I worry about her heaps. She's turned into one of those kids who think they can get their way in everything, because my mother just doesn't care anymore. She lets her have her way just so she can go out sooner, or whatever she wants to do that day. I'm so angry at her for that. She's completely changed from the kind of person I knew when I was growing up, and I don't know if its just that she was always that way and when she had kids she had to change. I don't know. Its gotten to the point where I just don't care anymore, it hurts too much to worry about it. I'm coming back to Brisbane and stressing about the whole situation and its having an impact on my home life, my studies, my work and my relationship. So this entry was just to get it all out, so from now on I will not let anything of what happens there affect me.
So! My knuckles are roughed up and bleeding from boxing on Anzac Day. The first time I've made my knuckles bleed from training! I'm so proud of myself, but want them to go away as soon as possible because they sting like all hell. Plus I'll have to wear gloves until they heal and I'd much rather not wear them. My Zhang Quan form is going good. I need to practice it heaps more though so I can be ready for my grading when S comes next. Just trying to get it as perfect as possible - the perfect angles, the perfect distance between my feet in each stance - is a bit difficult, especially in my totally dodgy backyard. But apart from that its all good.