Rantings of a God

I was born, like a phoenix, in New Jersey, the home of the brave. By the way, it's not that I was born in the same city as Bruce Springstein, he was born in the same city as me. Thereafter journeyed I across Columbian plains, where I experienced a gripping monotony. Brush the grain from my rosy and dreary cheeks I did and marched southward on. Found myself, I did indeed, in a sweltering jungle land, full of suburbian surprises like pools and the D.A.R.E program; I had found Cincinnati, the land of the Gods. I wielded a sword, and cut through those manifestations of injustice that I could defeat (e.g. magic card game players, people who play their stereos too loud, woods beasts, etc.) I will die for Cincinnati (in a metaphorical and comedic way, not in a literal way, unless I feel like it, which I don't right now).

I am Cincinnati's Messiah.