c dorkvader

Make It Great Again

Let me start this off by echoing the statement we've heard since June - I'm so done with 2016.

Every part of me has been tested. My mind, my heart and my body. I'm done, 2016.
But let's take a break from the personal shit, and focus on the world we live in.

I remember when I was a junior in high school, we were discussing World War II in history class. We were reaching the synthesis of the lesson, discussing how Hitler managed to wipe out millions of Jews just because he said so. As I stood up to recite to give my thoughts on the matter, I couldn't help hearing the freshmen recite their Shakespeare monologue next door: "Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, passions?". I couldn't help thinking about a book I had just finished, and how it detailed the story of a child just lucky enough to have been born with blue eyes and blond hair - how that saved him. And then, I am unashamed to say now, I cried. I cried as I stumbled over the words to say how Hitler was a terrible person, and how amazing it was that people could believe something so inhumane.

I was embarrassed for weeks, months on end. But now I realize the compassion I felt for people gone long before my time, the disbelief I held on to when I realized what kind of world people had to live in - it made me human. It made me a damn good human being to recognize the horror of something that I am only able to understand through books and films.

Then after a few years, I forgot about this incident. Filed it away as another Dumb High School Thing in the shelves of my mind. And it took 2016 to unearth this very specific memory.

This year, not only has our country managed to elect a President who laughs about rape and condones the murders of thousands of his own countrymen, we very nearly elected the unapologetic son of a dictator who had thousands tortured and killed, including some of the greatest Filipinos we were never able to see. This same dictator, under a Supreme-Court-approved request of our current President, is now to be buried alongside Filipinos we consider heroes.

It pains me to read through the dreaded comments section of news pieces these days. Then I have to see hundreds upon thousands of arguments of how "boys just really talk like that" and "can we just move on already?", and I am powerless because I know no amount of words that I can string together can change anyone's mind. We've been divided by rhetoric and excuses and so many have stopped seeking the truth.

What has happened to our compassion? What has happened to understanding, fundamentally, that something is wrong? When did we give up the thing that makes us human?

Living in a society that allows boys to "be boys" has made me realize how blessed I've been to have been taught that men are equal to women. And it's made me upset knowing that not everyone has received the memo.

Living in a society that not only forgets, but does so easily, has made me realize that what we say and what we teach is not enough anymore. Something as recent as thirty years ago is forgotten in our history. I wonder if maybe we need to shock people into remembering, but it baffles me to realize that the shock that it happened at all isn't enough.

It's hard to be a human being these days, but as a human being, we have no choice but to keep fighting.
c dorkvader

"Here's to never losing it."

Sometimes, when I think about my friends, the people I chose to keep in my life, I can't believe how incredibly lucky I am to have found those people in the first place.
I think about about how people spend years looking for love and joy and meaning, and how life has blessed me with the select few that bring me love, joy, meaning and so much more just by being with me and putting up with me through this crazy ride. Whenever I think about these incredible people, I think of how we could build things and break things and create and live and be happy, and how I wouldn't trade the world to do any of that with anyone else.
Sometimes it's more than the adventures we have or could have, more than the long, restless nights over cigarettes and beer and drunken (and admittedly hilarious) conversations, more than crazy days that leave us hazy weeks after. Sometimes it's more than the days and nights. Sometimes it's about the lifetime. Because these people give me hope that there still are people out there who believe in living beyond our youth, beyond these years. These people make me believe that it's okay to be idealistic, as long as you hold on to those ideals and fight for them with your last breath, because it's all worth it.
These people make me believe in life, and in myself, and make me believe that it's all worth it.

You said it well, "Here's to never losing it."
Well, here's to never losing it with you.
c dorkvader

Never Can Say Goodbye.

I think, if you can still have devoted fans after dangling your baby off a balcony, bleaching your skin and molesting little boys, it shows how much of an impact you made on the music industry.
It's always sad when a legend dies.
c dorkvader

Tough Love.

FUCK HEARTBREAK.

EDIT:
I just want to...
Finish writing your palanca
Practice Iris
Fix our stupid goddamn set for tomorrow
Avoid you forever
SHUT YOU UP
Not go to school tomorrow
Fix things between you guys
Be your friend
Skip to summer
TAKE EVERYTHING BACK.

I really can't take you/this anymore. I don't want to.
Bad fucking vibes.