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Ah, the modern days…
I just saw a grandpa help a youngster who was staring into his phone, to cross the street.
Patient: “Doctor, you have to help me, I think I can see in the future.”
Doctor: “When did it start?” Patient: “Next Friday.”
Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
They don’t meet the koalafications.
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
They have the same middle name.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B–.
How do you keep a bagel from getting away?
Put lox on it.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
I just saw a grandpa help a youngster who was staring into his phone, to cross the street.
Patient: “Doctor, you have to help me, I think I can see in the future.”
Doctor: “When did it start?” Patient: “Next Friday.”
Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
They don’t meet the koalafications.
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
They have the same middle name.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B–.
How do you keep a bagel from getting away?
Put lox on it.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams
“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” – Robin Williams
“I’m so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I’m saying.” – Oscar Wilde
“My brain has too many tabs open.” – Unknown
“I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” – Steven Wright
“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” – Nelson Mandela
“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” – Robin Williams
“I’m so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I’m saying.” – Oscar Wilde
“My brain has too many tabs open.” – Unknown
“I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” – Steven Wright
“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.” – Nelson Mandela
Conversation starters
Jul. 5th, 2026 02:34 pmWhat do you think your last meal would be if you were on death row?
Steak and lobster. LOL
Which species would be the rudest if all animals could talk? Lions, they think they are the king of the jungle.
Have you ever forgotten your wallet when you were scheduled to pay for a meal?
No, but hubby did once, so I paid. LOL
Do you still sleep with a stuffed toy?
Ah, no. BUt I like to hear other answers. LOL
What’s your preference: to be buried or cremated?
Cremated, I can't stand the idea of being stuck in a box forever. I always hubby he doesn't have to pick up my ashes. He'll laugh and say, "Yeah, you bet."
Steak and lobster. LOL
Which species would be the rudest if all animals could talk? Lions, they think they are the king of the jungle.
Have you ever forgotten your wallet when you were scheduled to pay for a meal?
No, but hubby did once, so I paid. LOL
Do you still sleep with a stuffed toy?
Ah, no. BUt I like to hear other answers. LOL
What’s your preference: to be buried or cremated?
Cremated, I can't stand the idea of being stuck in a box forever. I always hubby he doesn't have to pick up my ashes. He'll laugh and say, "Yeah, you bet."
July Questions
Jul. 5th, 2026 02:28 pm1. What salad vegetables do you enjoy, and what’s your favorite salad dressing?
Cucumbers and celery are my faves in a salad. I use Greek Dressing. It's my favorite.
2. If you had driving lessons, did you learn in an automatic car, or in a car with gears (stick shift)? What type of car do you drive these days (auto/stick shift/electric)?
First car was an automatic, but I learned on a stick, three years later. I don't drive now, but hubby has an SUV.
3. Do you enjoy picnics? When was the last time you ate out in the open air?
I don't really get into outdoor eating. I don't know why, just never have.
4. Chess is considered the most popular board game in the world, and has been proven to improve cognitive skills and boost empathy. Do you know how to play chess?
No, I do not. One of my brothers does, and he tried to teach me, but nothing stuck.
5. Do you have a smoke and/or carbon monoxide detector in your home?
We sure do. They are important.
Cucumbers and celery are my faves in a salad. I use Greek Dressing. It's my favorite.
2. If you had driving lessons, did you learn in an automatic car, or in a car with gears (stick shift)? What type of car do you drive these days (auto/stick shift/electric)?
First car was an automatic, but I learned on a stick, three years later. I don't drive now, but hubby has an SUV.
3. Do you enjoy picnics? When was the last time you ate out in the open air?
I don't really get into outdoor eating. I don't know why, just never have.
4. Chess is considered the most popular board game in the world, and has been proven to improve cognitive skills and boost empathy. Do you know how to play chess?
No, I do not. One of my brothers does, and he tried to teach me, but nothing stuck.
5. Do you have a smoke and/or carbon monoxide detector in your home?
We sure do. They are important.
Grossness ahead
Jul. 2nd, 2026 10:52 pmI'm going to put this under a cut because it is really gross. It's about my poor dog.
( Dakota Rose )
( Dakota Rose )
Conversation Starters
Jun. 28th, 2026 01:29 pmCan you fold a fitted sheet by yourself?
I sure can. It's a bitch, but it is much easier to put in your linen closet than if you just ball it up. I guess I should add that I learned to do it on YouTube.
Is soup something you eat or drink?
If I'm sick, I drink it. If we're just having it for dinner, I eat it. I don't know why I drink the soup when I don't feel well. How about you?
I sure can. It's a bitch, but it is much easier to put in your linen closet than if you just ball it up. I guess I should add that I learned to do it on YouTube.
Is soup something you eat or drink?
If I'm sick, I drink it. If we're just having it for dinner, I eat it. I don't know why I drink the soup when I don't feel well. How about you?
A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” – Walter Winchell
“Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.” – Unknown
“A good friend will help you move. But a best friend will help you move a dead body.” – Jim Hayes
“I don’t know what’s tighter, our jeans or our friendship.” – Unknown
“We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile… then, we’ll be new friends.” – Unknown
“Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.” – Unknown
“There is nothing better than a friend unless it is a friend with chocolate.” – Linda Grayson
“Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.” – Sicilian Proverb
“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Good friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone.” – Unknown
“Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.” – Unknown
“A good friend will help you move. But a best friend will help you move a dead body.” – Jim Hayes
“I don’t know what’s tighter, our jeans or our friendship.” – Unknown
“We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile… then, we’ll be new friends.” – Unknown
“Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.” – Unknown
“There is nothing better than a friend unless it is a friend with chocolate.” – Linda Grayson
“Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty.” – Sicilian Proverb
“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Good friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone.” – Unknown
More Jokes
Jun. 28th, 2026 01:18 pmFirst rule of Vegan Club: You tell everyone about Vegan Club
What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
Want to know how to make a legit Caesar salad? Stab the lettuce 23 times.
I don’t have a carbon footprint. I drive everywhere.
Cremation is my final plan to get a smokin’ bod.
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.
I was shocked when I found out my hairdryer wasn’t waterproof.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You do need one if you want to go skydiving twice.
The only thing that flat earthers fear is sphere itself.
What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
Want to know how to make a legit Caesar salad? Stab the lettuce 23 times.
I don’t have a carbon footprint. I drive everywhere.
Cremation is my final plan to get a smokin’ bod.
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.
I was shocked when I found out my hairdryer wasn’t waterproof.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You do need one if you want to go skydiving twice.
The only thing that flat earthers fear is sphere itself.
Medical Update.
Jun. 28th, 2026 01:04 pmNot much news. I went to the Radiation Center and got measured for my first Radiation coming up on the 7th of July. They gave me little tattoos to mark my skin, so they know where to point the radiation. It was so funny, the guy said, " This is going to hurt for a moment, but I'm fast. I laughed when he was done because it didn't hurt at all. Now I'm all set for the 7th. I'm sure that'll be a fine day too. Everyone has been so nice and caring. The icon I used today is for what I'll look like after being irradiated. LOL Everyone makes jokes about glowing. LOL
How are all of you doing?
How are all of you doing?
June's Questions
Jun. 28th, 2026 12:58 pm26. What’s the temperature today where you live? Is it around the average for this time of year?
It was 101 degrees F on the 26th. Very dry and warm.
27. Do you have a favourite pasta dish?
Chicken or Shrimp Alfredo. Love, love, love it.
28. Do you have a favourite morning beverage when you wake up?
I don't drink coffee, so I drink either hot tea or iced tea. Usually iced.
29. If you could restart your life aged 16, would you do anything differently?
I would never want to restart my life. Ever.
It was 101 degrees F on the 26th. Very dry and warm.
27. Do you have a favourite pasta dish?
Chicken or Shrimp Alfredo. Love, love, love it.
28. Do you have a favourite morning beverage when you wake up?
I don't drink coffee, so I drink either hot tea or iced tea. Usually iced.
29. If you could restart your life aged 16, would you do anything differently?
I would never want to restart my life. Ever.
Who makes the most money off of Father’s Day? Therapists.
Becoming a father is easy. Being one is hard.
Sometimes people say they can’t tell me and my sister apart. Helpful hint: I’m the pretty one.
Having sisters is like living in Cinderella’s house. I’m pretty and overworked; they’re evil.
My twin brother called from prison the other day and asked, “Hey, do you remember when we used to finish each other’s sentences?”
What do you call a cannibal who keeps taking bites out of his siblings? A munchkin.
Becoming a father is easy. Being one is hard.
Sometimes people say they can’t tell me and my sister apart. Helpful hint: I’m the pretty one.
Having sisters is like living in Cinderella’s house. I’m pretty and overworked; they’re evil.
My twin brother called from prison the other day and asked, “Hey, do you remember when we used to finish each other’s sentences?”
What do you call a cannibal who keeps taking bites out of his siblings? A munchkin.
June questions
Jun. 23rd, 2026 11:54 pm22. If you have a backyard/garden, do you save rainwater for watering the plants in the summertime?
We have a wonderful back yard. Full of fruit trees, plants, shrubs and anything else that grows. No we don't not collect rain water.
23. If money were no object, would you rather have a gardener, a cleaner, a chef, a masseuse, a beautician, a florist or a hairdresser (or someone else) to be ‘on call’ for you every day? Choose one :D
A cleaner. Everything else we can handle.
24. Have you ever experienced anything made from memory foam (a mattress, pillow or liners inside shoes)?
Yes. We have a temperpedic bed, pillows and liners for my shoes. Don't like the liners at all. Love my bed and pillows.
We have a wonderful back yard. Full of fruit trees, plants, shrubs and anything else that grows. No we don't not collect rain water.
23. If money were no object, would you rather have a gardener, a cleaner, a chef, a masseuse, a beautician, a florist or a hairdresser (or someone else) to be ‘on call’ for you every day? Choose one :D
A cleaner. Everything else we can handle.
24. Have you ever experienced anything made from memory foam (a mattress, pillow or liners inside shoes)?
Yes. We have a temperpedic bed, pillows and liners for my shoes. Don't like the liners at all. Love my bed and pillows.
June's Questions
Jun. 14th, 2026 06:31 pm13. If you could win a cash prize, what would be the minimum you would want to win?
I'm such a twit. I forgot to put my answers. LOL I would take ten dollars. Anything extra is a big win to me.
14. Are there many people in your family who are left-handed? None of my siblings are, but I have nieces and nephews who are, and four of my Grandchildren are.
I'm such a twit. I forgot to put my answers. LOL I would take ten dollars. Anything extra is a big win to me.
14. Are there many people in your family who are left-handed? None of my siblings are, but I have nieces and nephews who are, and four of my Grandchildren are.
There are lots of jokes about unemployed people. Sadly, none of them work.
My boss said, “Have a good day!” So, I went home.
To err is human; to blame others shows management potential.
Why did the guy get fired from the calendar company? He took a day off.
You know what they say about a clean desk? It’s a sign of cluttered drawers.
Why did you leave your last job? The company relocated and didn’t tell me where.
Getting a job at a paperless office is great until you have to go to the bathroom.
My boss said, “Have a good day!” So, I went home.
To err is human; to blame others shows management potential.
Why did the guy get fired from the calendar company? He took a day off.
You know what they say about a clean desk? It’s a sign of cluttered drawers.
Why did you leave your last job? The company relocated and didn’t tell me where.
Getting a job at a paperless office is great until you have to go to the bathroom.
“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott, The Office
“Just keep swimming.” – Dory, Finding Nemo
“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” – Chandler Bing, Friends
“I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.” – Michael Scott, The Office
“I am Beyoncé, always.” – Michael Scott, The Office
“You can’t handle the truth!” – Colonel Jessup, A Few Good Men
“To infinity… and beyond!” – Buzz Lightyear, Toy Story
“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” – Woody Allen, Annie Hall
“No soup for you!” – Soup Nazi, Seinfeld
“We were on a break!” – Ross Geller, Friends
“Just keep swimming.” – Dory, Finding Nemo
“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” – Chandler Bing, Friends
“I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.” – Michael Scott, The Office
“I am Beyoncé, always.” – Michael Scott, The Office
“You can’t handle the truth!” – Colonel Jessup, A Few Good Men
“To infinity… and beyond!” – Buzz Lightyear, Toy Story
“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” – Woody Allen, Annie Hall
“No soup for you!” – Soup Nazi, Seinfeld
“We were on a break!” – Ross Geller, Friends
What’s the funniest thing you’ve read recently? When I want to laugh, I reread all my books by Janet Evanovich. I laugh like crazy.
If you were famous, what would your stage name be? I have no imagination, so I would be nameless or something so stupid, it wouldn't be a good name at all.
. What character from a movie/book/show do you relate to the most and why? I can't think of one. I will have to think on this one.
Who do you think will be playing on "oldies radio" in 30 years? Who knows? It still might be songs from the 70s, 80s or 90s.
What is a food combination people eat that you just can’t get behind? (For example, dipping french fries in Frosties.) That's a good example. That sounds too weird, but I haven't tried it yet.
What's the one item you can't live without? My goofy phone.
If you could attend any celebrity wedding which would it be?
If you were famous, what would your stage name be? I have no imagination, so I would be nameless or something so stupid, it wouldn't be a good name at all.
. What character from a movie/book/show do you relate to the most and why? I can't think of one. I will have to think on this one.
Who do you think will be playing on "oldies radio" in 30 years? Who knows? It still might be songs from the 70s, 80s or 90s.
What is a food combination people eat that you just can’t get behind? (For example, dipping french fries in Frosties.) That's a good example. That sounds too weird, but I haven't tried it yet.
What's the one item you can't live without? My goofy phone.
If you could attend any celebrity wedding which would it be?
· My resume is a list of things I hope I never have to do again.
· I was raised as an only child. It was very frustrating for my older sister.
· When a kid burned down his house, his father watched, put an arm around his wife, and said, “That’s arson.”
· We treat our father like a god. We ignore him until we need something.
· I childproofed the house, but they still got in.
· I’d love to have kids one day. But that’s about as long as I can handle them.
· I was raised as an only child. It was very frustrating for my older sister.
· When a kid burned down his house, his father watched, put an arm around his wife, and said, “That’s arson.”
· We treat our father like a god. We ignore him until we need something.
· I childproofed the house, but they still got in.
· I’d love to have kids one day. But that’s about as long as I can handle them.
