Cee

I posted a 'lite' version of this on Facebook, but expand here because the audience there has a lot of my Siberian Husky friends who aren't interested in writing. Just dogs.


11:10 and I have yet to accomplish anything besides putting up my tree and cleaning the kitchen and making bacon. Haven't even written a word either. Yesterday I attended the NTRWA meeting for what, the fourth time? Or third. I'm joining as soon as membership opens again (January) as I had a lot of fun, and kinda am in needs of a support system for writing. Not that I don't have support systems but this is on a professional level. I'm not a romance writer, but Aneli's story DOES fall into the realm of romantic fantasy, or close enough I think. Just as in other genres and the publishing world itself, so much has changed with RWA since I left it that I feel good about being a part of it again.

Added for here: AKA that they now accept gay fiction, self-published authors are treated as equals, all the old guard have been pushed out by more accepting individuals, etc. etc. This next month this chapter is hosting a talk by Damon Suede who is well-known in m/m romance circles. I met him once years ago and didn't think much about him but he has been a huge part of why RWA has loosened its morality and judginess. I look forward to this talk!

Back to FB version:

As for writing itself, Nano was a success (53k words) and the momentum is rocking along still. The first week of December I continued to write on the fanfic to get to a certain point - 62k of that now(!), but now will pick up on Kian's story, book 2 of my Sirensong trilogy.

Added for here: OMG I LOVE HIM SO MUCH! HE IS MY HEART AND SOUL! I love love LOVE writing from his POV!!!!!! Book one is only Aneli, and I debated adding him but HELL YES I LOVE HIM!!! Ahem. Owl's pov is also part of this book, the #1 stakes character, and whom around all this ultimately revolves but we don't know it yet.

Back to FB version:

For the Nano fic, I had no real outline except roughly in my head. Talk about fun - I'm such an outliner, this nanofic is a heavy challenge to write like this and I absolutely loved it. So I am going to put the nerves aside, and tackle Kian's story in the same manner--no outline save for the loose one in my head. I have been frozen on this book for awhile because though I know the end goal, everything else in between for the three POV characters is up in the air. Writing from the pants for a month (lol) definitely has helped put aside that frozenness. (Frozenness is a word, isn't it?).

I am itching to go back to the first book though and rework the opening - on the drive home from RWA yesterday, it hit me finally on how to rearrange the first two chapters so it opens where it really needs to open. BAM - after almost a year after finishing it... :) Too funny, Brain. But thank you!

MORE WORDS FOR HERE ONLY:

Moving - I own my house, and I hate it. Except for my tree, that is, and that isn't enough reason to stay. I am selling it and moving to a much nicer area. I am a very fortunate person in that I can afford to do this, and selling the house will put a huge chunk into the bank to draw from over the coming years. My retirement from Lockheed kicks in next March, too, so though I will still be working, I plan to retire at 62. My personal goal is to have 3-4 books in this world done by then. That's six years or so from now. I am not a fast writer by any means but I do write long so that is the goal. May or may not self-publish - honestly want the traditional publishing experience but we'll see. Now I am just focusing on writing as much as possible and having fun doing it.

All my published books are now out of print. Kinda sad about that. It was a good ride though.

I do GYWO (getyourwordsout) on here every year and 2018 chose to the habit tracker - pretty successful but not as much fun for me as getting wordcounts down so I am going back to that, upping my goal higher than I've ever done, 250k for the year.

Otherwise that is about it for life - working, having fun with local friends when I can, living the single-life-with-dog life.



Oh and now it is time to go walk the dog almost so I need to take a shower. He is my everything! ;)

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Will this place pick up a bit now that Tumblr has shot itself in the foot?

I start to write stuff here but then end up deleting it because no one is really around to read.

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My son's birthday is Sunday - he will be 26. My daughter's next birthday she will be 28. No. 29. OH MY STARS 29? LOL. Both are doing amazing - they both have wonderful partners, and my son's gf's little sis lives with them - and she is adorable ( she is 15 and the best). All of them have jobs that are going very well - Tiff especially - and everyone is fairly healthy. Her boyfriend has a rare and as yet blood disease causing issues that apparently spawned with him and his brother (whose little girl also has it). I doubt they'll have kids. But they have a corgi! He is BRUCE! He is awesome!

Writing is going wonderfully! Actually, more like editing is going wonderfully. I am ripping apart my ms which finished at a whopping 204k words thereabouts. It is out to betas but I am charging forward on my own edits and will follow through when the others' wise words get here. I am passionately, completely, thoroughly in love with my story and world. My characters are my besties. And I miss actually writing them, SO MUCH! I keep realizing things though that I need to go back and change/punch up/delete things, but I haven't felt this confident about something I've written since writing Red, and that was 12 years ago.

It is absolutely true you can't really know what you need to do until you finish the damn first draft. I just hope NEXT one doesn't take the 3 years this one did.

Can't wait to get started on Book 2 - I have the first scene already and love it. I'm going forth with adding both Owl's and Kian's pov to Aneli's pov. I end book 1 with everyone deliciously torn apart, though not without hope. I'm starting, too, to see the evolution of how I want this storyline to go - for the first time tonight, I considered the possibility that I will write in this world the rest of my life. After this trilogy I plan to write Gwion's story - a minor, minor, very minor character in the first story (who I plan to weave in aka go back and do so). That story is actually started - I workshopped it years and years ago at Fencon. The Angry Robot editor who led the workshop loved it - even gave me the title (Blackthumb) - but I just didn't have the writing skills to do what needs to be done in this story. I. Cannot. WAIT. But first, Aneli's story must be finished. I hope to have the final draft of her first book (of 3) done by end of March, with plans to let the story marinate while I work on Book 2 - I'd like to get at least a good ways into it before the agent hunt begins. And yes, for now - that is the route I will take. In the end if it all gets self-published, I will go for it but for now, I want that experience. I believe I can do it.

You all should know I am madly in love with Geralt, the Witcher. I even BOUGHT A POSTER OF HIM. I am on the last book - final one was just translated into English and won't be out until May - and I am SO SAD. I will miss this wild, inspiring series so much (and I have yet to even play the game - but Netflix is producing a tv version of it and I am all kinds of bouncy!)

A friend sent me this and I keep it on my tv at all times when I don't actually have it on. LOOK AT HIM. OH MY STARS, WANT. LOL. Oh my that ended up kinda big... I will do a cut.
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And now to go to my 2nd favorite obsession after writing (and Geralt ha ha) - SKYRIM. I am so addicted.

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It has taken me three years, and in 2017 almost a complete rewrite of the first half, but I have finally finished my beast of an epic fantasy, and on Christmas Eve no less.

I cried. Really.  Sat in my chair in disbelief, and cried. I wrote about 6k on Christmas Eve to finish it, was exhausted and emotional and it probably is a little bit sappy as a result but the feeling of finishing?  Wow.  Just wow.  

This is the first book I have finished since 2011, and finally finishing the 'first' draft has fulfilled a 15-year promise to myself I would find a way to bring my beloved characters to life. That it took creating an entirely new character, and relegating my beloveds to secondary status with no POV is something I fought. HARD. But in the end, letting Aneli, a refugee, tell the story of what happened to her country of birth, the family she wanted to deny because she didn't feel worthy of their love, was the best decision I ever made (even though as a result I put aside some of the best writing I did, back then - I think I will find a way to use more of the old writing, though, as casual side-stories. Not sure yet. Am thinking about a patreon for those, for myself even if I never get followers. We shall see.)

The ms has been shipped off to two betas, and queenoftheskies if you are still interested in wielding your mighty red pen at my story, pop me your email to cparagraphs at the gmail place.  I would be absolutely thrilled to have your eyes and thoughts on it.

I have closed the scrivener and the word document, and forbidden myself to look at any of it for a month.  I need to let the story go for a bit - of course it has issues, and there are parts I know can and should be cut out, but I want to do it with fresh-ish eyes, and a clear head.  The story is just about 207,000 words long and I would like to cut it down mean and lean to 170k. It took me forever to figure out how I wanted to handle Aneli's magic ability, too...but I will iron that out on the next big pass.

One thing I do want to do is update my outline spreadsheet, so I will let myself do that this next month.  It is mostly the final third I have to deal with.

So, here we go!  It is time to start thinking about book #2!  I have never written a second book, and I do want to add a 2nd pov in this one--a boy of about 10, who at the end of book 1 I put into an impossible, horrible position. So that will be even more challenge - 2nd pov, 2 in a series, and I REALLY don't want to take three years to finish this one!

This past year I participated again in getyourwordsout  the LJ/DW year-long writing group, and had chosen 200,000 words as my goal. I made it Sunday, though very messily between writing, rewrites, writing prompts, articles for the group, and a couple shorts I did.  But I did it!  I'm choosing a different goal for 2018 since a huge chunk of the Spring will be devoted to revisions.  But wow, I did it.  I wasn't sure if I would make it, but it happened.  Wow.  I love this group - we won't be on LJ in 2018 because of all the changes, but if anyone out there is interested in an awesome year-long challenge, you might want to take a look.  This is year 10!  Crazycakes and awesome. 

Anyway, I am at work, the phone has rung 5 times, my boss stayed home with his grandkids, and I am supposed to be typing discovery, so I better get to it.  


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I never write on here except for my GWYO group, mostly writing all my writerly thoughts on Facebook anymore. I have more of a sense of people out there than I do here or LJ - gosh I miss the good ol' days over there. Good things always seem to come to some sort of end, and that is true of LJ pretty much. Also true of my publisher, Loose-Id, who announced this weekend that they will be closing their doors after 13 years. That means on May 18, 2018, I will no longer be a currently-published author, but a former published one. My books A Red Tainted Silence - the book of my heart (until now, the one I am working on now fits that), and The Long Way Home join my Amberquill failure (but a book I love--they too closed) and my first published book, Home is Where the Murder Is (lol still love this one though I write nothing like it now), on the Past Books shelf. I am not truly sad about it as I have moved on, and Red has been out there for 10 years and bought an awful lot of tanks of gas for me. Still, it is the end of an era, and I will no longer publish any similar titles to it. I won't epub again, either, as far as I know.

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I always feared games like this, as I feared it would derail my writing.  But out of desperation and a true need to get away from politics and all the awful going on these days, I decided to play Skyrim, which I always enjoyed watching my son play, and really - I was desperate for some distraction.

What I have found though is, to my surprise, I am writing more, and getting more ideas, and inspiration from this game than I ever could've fathomed.  I love love love LOVE it. 

Book is up to 148k.  There's been lots of working and reworking this section to get it right - I wrote all day last Sunday and actually ended up with less words than I started.  Crazy!

Now to bed.  Am very tired and kinda feel like a cold may be coming on, which ticks me. off. 

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Separate creativity - aka working on other kinds of creative endeavors separate from writing.  I am positive this has been lacking in my life.  I have been struggling to find peace and quiet in my mind, aka the ability to zone out, and it finally clicked in my head that most all the writers I know do other things as well that capture other areas of their creativity.  

Though I love all my knitterly and crochetery friends, that is something that my hands just have never been interested in doing. Instead, I will be quilting.  I've bought all my material (this is not going to be a cheap project, for sure, but it is for my bedroom so that is okay), and the pattern, and all the supplies I need to do it.  I originally envisioned hand-sewing this but screw that.  I'll save that for the other quilt I really liked. :)   So warning - there will be much ahead about this quilting adventure I am starting!  

Just look at this thing!



I also started to play Skyrim.  I needed/wanted just something to truly immerse into, and I tried a couple other games but this is the one that steals me. I am playing a Breton named Jayanti (one of the characters from my book) and having a blast.  My son is enthusiastic too, giving me hints of things to do and try out.  Mostly I am just wandering around doing the basic plan, but will take my son's advice and go for the Thieves quest thing. I'm only playing on the weekend though.  No time during the weeknights.  Oh, fantasy!  Skyrim incorporates all the best - dragons, warriors, mages, evil beasts (I really don't like having to kill the wolves though), and puzzles, and I just like it. 

Writing-wise things went pear-shaped-crazy but everything has smoothed out, and I have a plan which, oddly enough, was what I had initially meant to do with this story:  a trilogy, the first one strictly Aneli's POV, the second adding Kharis' POV to Aneli's, and the third _______ (haven't decided her name yet lol), with all three, and wrapping it up.  

I will take the original, old fantasy (that yes, I took back out of Aneli's) and finish it for myself, maybe post it eventually via Patreon. It is another side of this tale, but adding it to Aneli's story pretty much killed my dream (that I lost sight of for some reason) of writing a girls' adventure fantasy.  I am back on track and having a blast.  I am writing it as YA, but honestly, it is already at 130k with a good 7-8 chapters to go.  The rewrite will determine whether I will go ahead with it as YA (and thus traditional publishing) or say screw it, write the other two, hire a Damn Good Editor to go through all three, and self-publish. I am in no rush.  Right now  it is the journey that I am in love with, not being published again.  

I have a ton of platy babies in my tank and they are so adorable, I don't want them to grow up.  They finally got big enough to put with Waldo without worrying he would eat them.  











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Yesterday I attended a crafting afternoon I'd been invited to, even though I am not a crafter. Not sure what I would do with myself for several hours among strangers (though one person who would be there I've known for years, and used to write-in with), I grabbed my old, original notebooks for my story, thinking I could at the very least spend some time rereading my old notes and such. The semi-dreaded event, because STRANGERS, turned into a heck of a lot of fun and very entertaining. Everyone else there is involved either as artists (milliner!) or actors/teachers of Scarborough Renaissance Fair, which I've never been to (but will now - I comped a freebie ticket to go with a solemn promise I would come next year). Through my friend who plays one of the characters there, I know a little bit about the training and devotion these people have. They were so much fun! And heck no, not interested in becoming involved - I have never wanted to act, thanks (and the TIME involved is outrageous, but they love it so), but it was fun to just listen to the stories, learn about quilting (I'm gonna!) and just...be with creative people, many of whom also write fiction(yay).

While one person worked on a costume, another worked on really cool microwave bowl holders (I want one now), others knitted. Watching one of my new acquaintances frog her entire piece of knitting because she found several errors, it truly struck me how casual she was about it. "Oh well! Happens!" Someone else stated that sometimes, you have to take a project to a certain point to realize the right path to take with it, then rip it apart and start it all over again. Her words hit me like getting struck with a case of lightbulbs.

Knitters are fearless, in other words. They know that a whole project scrapped is a bit of a pain, but only means better is to come next time. I watched not just this person, but two other people frog their work back to a certain point before continuing onward. Just part of knitting, I was told, and I had a sudden burst of envy for this attitude, then realized -- why not adopt it for myself?

And so I have. Rereading my old notebooks, all geared toward the YA I ended up merging with the big fantasy story, made me realize that it is possible I took that path for a reason -- and that it is also possible that I will be going back down that path again, armed with the new understanding of the behind-the-ya-scenes of what is happening in Aneli's world, but that I don't necessarily need to show it all. I needed to go through it, yes, I needed to knit all that information together, but to tell Aneli's story, as I had originally planned - and which I honestly, truly love -- I don't need to share everything I've written.

This doesn't mean I have deleted a thing. Instead, I made a new Scrivener, made a copy of the conjoined version, and removed everything but Aneli's storyline. I'm going to finish her storyline and then at that point decide -- keep her separate? Or go ahead and finish the other storylines and mesh together? Or, what I am feeling strongly is the right thing to do (for me), finish the other storylines for myself, sharing later perhaps on a Patreon.

Or at the very end I may decide hey to put them all back together again which is easily enough done! For now though I am excited to finish Aneli's storyline. Then we will see what happens!

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This has been a strange writing year.  I wrote Tons and Tons the first couple of months, then hit a wall when I finally accepted my YA fantasy was not YA, but was in fact just one character who's storyline belonged with my old epic fantasy.  So the next two months were spent weaving those two stories together.  I finally accomplished that at end of May.  Damn hard work because first I had to rewrite Aneli's story (the YA-not-YA) back into third person.  INSANITY.  But I did it, and am extraordinarily, thoroughly, wildly pleased with the result.  

Then June happened - work on my house - my dad getting sick (he is doing great yay) - and work slaying me - and insert 20 more excuses - and I didn't get any writing done. July has been better but I am still way behind the goal I set for this year (like 145k behind) in the GYWO group I am involved in.  I figure about 60k of that will finish this draft of my current novel.  Seems about right.  The rest would go into a book I haven't even started plotting yet.  I may need to start playing with that soon - by October at the least.  

Anyway - I calculated what it would take to still hit 200k by December 31st.  179 days are left in the year, after today, so all I would have to do is write 810 words a day every day for the rest of the year.  There is, honestly, no reason why I can't do this.  So I am making a new challenge as of this very moment (and Camp Nano is a huge way to kick it off) of getting those 810 words a day.  I can do this. I want to, too.

Other goals for the rest of the year:

1.   Diet. 17 down, 16 to go.  That will put me, at 55, at a nice 172 lbs.  at 5'8". This has always been a good weight for me and my build.  The goal is for it to be gone by Sirens, which is the end of October. Totally doable.  CICO rules.  

2.   Exercise.  Kettlebells thrice weekly, treadmill thrice weekly, 6k regular steps a day thereabouts, no trauma if I don't hit that.  I have opted to be more relaxed on exercise as when I stopped stressing about it, I started to enjoy it more. Hmmm.  That also coincided with finally starting to lose, so go figure that.

3.   Reading.  My gosh I am behind on reading!  By now I should have TONS of the books on my Sirens booklist read but I don't!  I find it really difficult to make myself just Sit Down and Read Dammit. LOL.  So I am going to pick four from the list and work on reading those by the time Sirens comes around, including the GOH's books. 

4.   Budget.  I have a big bill to pay off (rest of the roof), a plane ticket to buy, property taxes to save up for, and I'm a bit nervous about being able to do all this. I can, if I stick to my budget hard-core. 

I cannot wait for Sirens.  It is like a shiny beacon in the future, calling to me.  I am sad though that one of my friends I made last year now can't come - she and her friend (one of the few guys in attendance) were a lot of fun, but her workload is just too much to take off. Pout. On the other hand, on Reddit I met two more Sirens attendees who I didn't get to know last year, so we're already making plans. This year I will know so many people!  I am ecstatic about this!  Attending that con fills me with possibilities, and hope, and not necessarily just hope about the writing future.  Hope in people, good people, women and men, diverse and intelligent and creative and determined.  I love that, need that.  It is already sold out but if anyone is out there reading this, there may be other slots opening up later. If not this year, how about next?  I'll be going for sure.  



 

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I can't believe it has been April since I posted. May was a busy flurry both personally and at home, with way too much going on at the office, and my house finally getting worked on and finished.  Only took 26 months to finally have my house completely repaired after our double hail storms of terror and doom.  But it is finally done so I can look forward to the rest of the summer being all about paying off stuff, losing weight (16 to go!) and writing.  So, I thought it would be helpful to me (but maybe boring to read) to have a place to keep track of certain things, starting today. I plan to do this every Sunday evening,though I didn't last night - great way to start out, right?

There are several areas of my life I am setting goals for, and keeping track of.  They are:

1.    Weight.  I'm down 16.2 lbs. since April 27th. I want to lose  17-20 more.  I am using My Fitness Pal again after a brief stint on the Lose-It app, but I find MFP easier to use.  I am CeeGray on there.  Love more friends!  

2.   Exercise.   I have a spin bike, a treadmill, and a kettle bell, and a yoga mat.  Hardly touched any of them since I got back from vacation.  Losing weight is primarily a food thing - but I want to get back to regular, light exercise.  Strenuous isn't necessary, and it also seems to backfire - for instance, for me, 6-7k steps a day is perfect.  For awhile I was doing 10-12k steps a day and all it gave me was inflammation in my knees.    I have joined a team challenge on Reddit - I am part of Team Superman. Not my fave superhero but I love the guy moderating our group - he is golden.  It actually starts July 1, so I will be doing all I can to be successful with my group.  I'm looking for a kettle bell routine to do, and I'm restarting, again, Couch to 5k, but with the goal of slow jogging, not the mad running speed fiend I thought I had to be. I don't.  

3.  Writing.  Oh writing - working on my epic fantasy. This is my favorite, most personal world, and I love it -  and I don't know if I will ever share it.  I feel very little urge to write for publication right now - I don't have that kind of drive currently.  Too tired at the end of every day to go home and sit more at the computer - but, I am writing during lunch some, so that is good.  And I signed up for Camp Nanowrimo in July, so there is that!  After this is done, which should be around the time I go to Sirens, I am going to make a decision regarding my writing future. 

4.  House.  I am purging crap left and right.  I love finally getting a handle on this, at long last.  Now that my kids are all moved out it is much easier!  

5.  Work.   It owns me, it is my life, and I am not really too upset about that. I am proud of my work, and love what I do. But I am so tired, working for 2.5 people. It is very stressful.  But, we are working to find a new person and if we are successful, I will stop working for Jim and just work for Desiree. This is kinda both sad and awesome - I love Jim's work, but most of my high internal stress comes from him. Desiree 'gets me' as she puts it and we work well together, and she needs full time help.  Plus, she is only 34 - Jim is almost 65.  How long will he continue?  I don't know - but Desiree will go on many more years.  I want to work about 10 more.   This change may or may not happen - if it does, the downside is I lose my office with a view - not that I have time to stare out at it much.  

6.  Pets.  I love them.  The dogs are great.  My betta Thor is sick - he is bloated, so I have him in a salt water hospital tank, with the temp turned up to 81, and is not getting food for a couple days. I feel awful - I accidentally gave him too many bloodworms, and he has symptoms of dropsy - this could do him in.  His water tests fine so that is something, but I am sad. I want him to get better.  He is resting in a plant right now, so hopefully he will improve.  

7.  Love.  Single. Mostly okay with it, sometimes lonely, but I am used to it too.  I wouldn't mind meeting someone but in today's political climate, I am super wary, especially of white men.  I still am trying to figure out how to clone N so he can live here and still live his life in the UK but that will never happen.  Besides he has his own husky now and she is adorable!  I don't know how to put myself out there, anyway.  Where is Idris Elba when you need him? 

8.   Friends.  Making efforts to get out as much as I can without overloading.  At least once a week, anyway!  I keep looking at Meetup groups too but so far haven't seen one that makes me definitely want to get out and go attend.  Not sure what I want honestly - just someone to call up and say hey, want coffee?  I miss that so much (see 7. above).  Sometimes, it really kills me I don't have that.  Lots of friends, but everyone has their own lives. I have no BFF here (elsewhere, yes).  I have my kids thank the stars - we had a blast Saturday - but they have SO's too, and really do love both of their partners.  They don't need me hanging around them constantly.  I guess I need someone like me, with no BFF... LOL!  Sigh.  I loved my vacation so much because my friend Kieran and I just enjoyed just hanging out together so much. Dammit.  

So future weeks I plan to just have each heading, and write a brief 'this is what happened this week'.  I think that will help me out considerably.   Short and sweet (after this one).

And now for bed - pretty tired, I was up late last night as I started writing late and got Super-Jazzed.  Oops.  I was going to bed just when N was getting up in the UK - oops.  


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