9 Things That Made No Sense About “Smallville”

I love Smallville- I love the adorable and sincere Tom Welling, I love the sweet parental relationships, I love a good pastoral drama. However, like many contemporary shows geared at teens, Smallville is flawed, and occasionally, nonsensical. While there are many things to love about this early two-thousands drama, there are a lot of aspects of the show that just don’t hold up.

1. The Distance Between Smallville and Metropolis

During the show’s long run, there were discrepancies about how far apart these two settings were. Lana at one point states that they are four hours apart, but later Chloe claims they’re two hours apart. Either way, it makes no sense for Chloe, Clark, and Lois to commute to Metropolis and remain residents of Smallville. While the show wanted to remain rooted in Smallville, a two hour commute each way seems a bit untenable, unless, like Clark, you can run the distance. It does make sense for a show that wants to keep one foot in Smallville, when Clark hasn’t fully moved on to his new life in Metropolis, but it certainly seems logistically fraught for people without super-speed.

2. Martha’s Disappearing Act

Having Ma Kent leave the show when Clark becomes more independent makes good sense, but not having her pop in at crucial junctures is a little out of character. The only times Martha is mentioned is in an off-hand phone call with Clark. She does not return for the funeral of her close friend, Lionel Luther, or for Chloe’s ill-fated wedding. As a mother very engaged in her son’s life, there’s a difference between giving Clark space and completely vanishing. I love Annette O’Toole and what she brings to the show, and even having her mentioned makes more sense than her complete absence. Later, this is excused by Martha being traumatized and needing space from her late husband’s memory, but it still doesn’t sit well with me.

3. College Drop-Outs

After Dark Thursday, Met U is conveniently closed so that the college storylines can wrap up and we can focus on bigger things, like Lex and Lana. Clark also drops out of college, to little fanfare. It makes sense to focus on their other plots, as some of the show’s worst episodes were college-focused, but even in the early two thousands, getting a job in journalism without a college degree wasn’t likely. Even grunts at a newspaper would need a journalism degree, so Chloe, Lois, and later Clark getting hired at the Planet without one is unlikely. Lois is also booted from college at one point, spends a weird couple of weeks at Smallville High, and then becomes a full-time reporter after a brief stint as a campaign manager for Jonathan Kent. Lois’ record is certainly a little weird, and her career trajectory from there is certainly unrealistic. She’s very bright, but it’s difficult to imagine brains and moxie completely covering for a poor record.

4. Living Arrangements

Aside from the impossible commute to Metropolis, there’s one other thing that makes little sense about the characters’ housing: the Talon’s size. The apartment above the Talon is home to Lana, Chloe, Lois, and Jimmy over the years, but gauging its size is difficult as a viewer. When Lana lives there, it seems to be a studio, but at one point, Lois, Chloe and Jimmy are all living there together. Is there a second bedroom, or is Lois just bedding down on the couch? Who even owns the Talon after Lex dies? Are they paying Tess rent? It makes no sense to stay in this apartment.

5. Chloe & Oliver & Lois & Clark & Arthur

While it is pretty true to the comics, it’s a little weird to have Lois involved with three of the members of the Justice League before she and Clark settle down. What’s definitely weirder is Chloe then ending up married to Oliver, meaning that not only has Lois had relationships with two of Clark’s close friends, she’s also slept with her cousin’s husband. It deviates from Oliver’s comic counterpart, who is usually involved with Black Canary, Dinah Laurel Lance. A happy ending for Chloe, who deserved a lot better than the show gave her a lot of the time, was well overdue, so I’m inclined to let this go. It is great that Lois is never shamed for her numerous relationships, which is something that a lot of shows didn’t do as well in the early two thousands.

6. Pretty much everything about Lana’s life

Lana has a pretty hard go of it, and after a certain point, you have to suspend disbelief about the things that she does, and the stuff that happens to her. Staying in Smallville makes some sense- every teen show has that one friend who moves into the basement. Lana then leaves Smallville for school in France, which makes no sense. How is she paying for this? Does she have an inheritance from her dead parents? She then leaves to return to Smallville after becoming possessed by one of her ancestors (yeah, that was a weird season.) Did she get school credit? How was she just living as a minor in a foreign country? When Lana returns to Smallville, she rents out the apartment above the Talon, which we have already covered a little. How is she paying for this apartment? Lana makes a lot of weird choices, but the logistics alone make the head spin.

7. Telling Lois

Clark doesn’t confide in Lois about his origins and powers until the final season. At that point, they have known each other for years, and are in love with each other. While they have had a slow development into close friends, and then partners, at work and in life, Clark waits a really long time to tell Lois his secret. By that time, she already knows, and has decided to wait until he is ready to tell her. Clark trusts Lois, and he should have told her sooner. She’s more in danger not knowing than knowing, and she deserves to know. Damn Clark and his trust issues.

8. Lex and Clark’s Friendship

It is incomprehensible that any normal guy in his early twenties would want to hang out with a fifteen year-old farm boy. While Clark is extraordinary, a rich, self-centered guy like Lex would never want to hang out with a teen who can’t even ask out the girl he likes. Watching it now, it makes total sense why Martha and Jonathan don’t think their son should pal around with Lex Luther- he’s a rich playboy in his early twenties and they’re raising a well-mannered, handsome alien. The last thing you need entering into that kind of parenting is a wildcard like Lex. Even if someone saves your life, it makes no sense for Lex to want to hang around Clark.

9. The Finale

Most fans can agree that Smallville went on for way too long, leaving Clark in a state of arrested development, with one foot in Smallville and one in Metropolis. The show continuing for so long meant that some episodes were bloated, and others too thin. New characters were integrated reasonably well, but the show’s longevity decreased its overall quality. The season finale included the resurrection of Lex Luthor, death of Tess Mercer, and Clark and Lois’ wedding. The final episodes were too rushed, and a disservice to fans who love the show and its mythology. In particular, a character like Tess, who goes through so much in the show, dying without any of the other characters addressing it shows that time was managed poorly. The scene with Tess and Lex was pitch-perfect, exactly what it needed to be, but Tess deserved to be memorialized even a little. A lot of threads get dropped in the last season, like Conner Kent, and it shows. The show also wastes time in the final episodes with Lois trying to break up with Clark for stupid reasons, which was in-character, but not necessary.

While the show has its ups and downs, Smallville was great, and had such an impact that it provided a blueprint for the super hero shows on TV today. While it has its plot holes, we can’t help but love it. It’s just super.

Thanks to Abby for the idea for this, I have to say it was HARD to come up with 10 great episodes for Season 8. Smallville really disappointed me this season. Some Cloisers were happy, I was not. Very little progression was made for them, honestly. First half, SOME progression was made, granted, but not nearly enough. No kiss, no I love you, no push further on their relationship other than Lois gets to pine for him? This season should've made Crimson look mild.

Still, I'm giving a list and reasons for my favorite episodes. :) (Note: This was pretty much completely revised after I became a Tess fan.)

# 1 - Bloodline



Okay, what photo did you think I'd choose for Bloodline? *smiles* To me, the best episode of the season. Everything about it was gold. The most cohesive, well thought out, well written episode. Lois was fabulous, Clark was fabulous, Tess was fabulous, the plot was great, I could even stomach Kara for the first and only time. Laura's acting was actually believable, she wasn't relying on her sex appeal for once, and I appreciated that.

This episode didn't have a zillion plot-holes, it was smart, funny, and kick ass. Beautifully done. I loved that Lois got to go with Clark to his world for a change, I love that there were great Clois moments, I love that Kara told Clark that Lois was strong enough to handle his secret, it was all just incredible. And of course, Lois's orgasmic collapse on Clark was hysterical. I would've liked to have seen the bloopers for that, me and my dirty Clois mind.

# 2 - Hex



Such a good episode! And I was so surprised that it would be! I'm in no way a Chlarker and not a particular Chloe fan but I do understand Chloe's point of view and did before this episode, and to have Lois as a cousin, holy crap that'd be hard. But I was glad they expressed what it was like for Chloe, and that Clark is NOT in love with Chloe, and that Chloe is a Clois supporter. That's important.

Erica did a fabulous job as Chloe and the rooftop scene was fucking hysterical. Trying to kill him with the lead pipe is something only Erica and Tom could've pulled off like that. Just wonderful. And the last scene, I love my Lois, telling him off like that. He needed it, he slept with Lana, the bastard. *sigh* Anyway, great episode.

# 3 - Toxic



OMG! Introduction to Tess/Mercy and Oliver Queen! How fabulous were they? Oliver's first real love! Cassidy and Justin are amazing. I am so drawn in by them, and what they shared. I'm not really ever going to buy that Lois and Oliver had this great love. It was certainly in SOME ways more mature than Clana, though to me, and please somebody stab me after I say this, Clark and Lana had a much deeper love, but Lois and Oliver had a more mature relationship in a couple ways.

However, I don't think Oliver loved Lois the way he loved Tess. Course the second have of the season fucked up all the couples, so I'm not really counting Clois or Tess/Ollie or even Chimmy by that, but Toxic and Committed and even the Clana arc really brought Oliver's feelings for Tess to my attention. And it was SO interesting that in Toxic even though Lois was expressing her regrets over the break-up to Oliver, she was really trying to suppress her new feelings for Clark. Interesting interesting.

#4 - Committed



Wow, what a powerful episode for poor Lois. Gets hungover and THEN humiliated. They butchered my girl! And how stupid is Clark for buying it? Duhhhhhh! Slipped the censor off my finger my ass! I loved that there was finally some drama for Clois. They see how great the humor is that Tom and Erica have, and they use it to the max, but they can be dramatic too, and they should use the drama once in awhile, damn. LOVED that Chloe admitted her love for Jimmy and honestly, was OUT of love with Clark. Thank God for small favors. And Tess/Ollie sex, at least one of my couples was getting some. And she kicked his ass the next morning, even better! Good episode, was wanting so much more, but still, good.

# 5 - Bride



OMG! So many good things! The cufflinks alone! It was the beginning of the end to a good season, but it was soooooooooo good! How can Erica look good in orange satin? That's amazing. Again, screwed with a kiss, interrupted by the bitch from hell, announced by the other bitch from hell, but why would I expect anything else from this show? I LOVED Oliver being good to Lois when she took the bottle of champagne. I loved that she was completely over him and accepted that and helped her feel better. It made me like him. Which, I didn't particularly before, because let's face it, he treated her like shit. He had a reason, he's Green Arrow, but he treated her like shit. And he's a slut.

At least when Lex was a slut he was more subtle. Anyway, Oliver won me over in that scene, and their scene was my favorite of the episode. I'm glad Lois left, I'm glad she put Clark in the dog house, and I'm glad the episode was written so well. I don't know why the fuck they screwed Clark up and made him fall back into that toxic relationship of crap. However, Bride was still good.

# 6 - Identity



Great episode! "Clark, you made out with my girlfriend, man, what'd you have to complain about?" Best line in the episode. So true. Enjoyed it, again, as we get further down the list, not my favorite, but I had a good time watching it. :) Would've wanted more Clois, and other stuff, but it was fun.

# 7 - Instinct



What, does everyone get hot love scenes but Clois? *flaming mad* Fabulous episode but Lois should've been in the damn elevator with him. I thought it was great though. I love the humor between them at the beginning, they're so precious. Lois teasing him, embarrassing him, driving him nuts, come on! I love the barn scene at the end, any time someone gets a barn scene besides Clana, I can refrain from throwing up. Very sparkly episode.

# 8 - Infamous



I had a LOT of problems with this episode, which is why it's so far down the list. I enjoyed Lois in it, but other than that, it sucked. The beginning, where Lois gets out of the cab and the water splashes her and she says, "Thank you! Nice to be back!" I spit out my water and laughed my head off. Poor Lois, they do such bad things to her but you always laugh with her. They need to be careful not to degrade her too much, but we love her because she is so humble and great.

Okay, they gave Clark SUCH crap in this episode that in the great dramatic scene at the end before he puts his ring on, we're BLEEDING for Lois, we're feeling what she's feeling, but Clark gets one line after all the things she says to her, and we're supposed to feel great Clois? What in the hell? It was awful. Just bad writing. And again, a kiss was promised, and we didn't get it. So many opportunities, so many promises, and we're screwed. And we're given all these Chlarker moments that make no sense.

So I was disappointed with the Clois and the writing, massively. It was bad. There were great moments, don't get me wrong. When he tells her, it's great. He should've told her that he DID NOT tell Lana or Chloe, they found out, but no, he's a jerk, he didn't think to lessen her pain, dammit Clark. But still a great scene between them.

Again, things I liked in the episode, but if I'd written it, lotta different things, even if the over all plot would've happened the same way.

#9 - Stiletto



Okay, why the hell do people rate this such a great episode? It was awful! The writing was terrible! It was written by the same woman who wrote Infamous, no surprise there, and the opposite thing happened, Clark was better, Lois was written horrifically. Lois is written SO badly in this that when I watch it, to keep from cringing I literally push the fast-forward button at certain scenes.

Again, some fabulous moments, and some funny lines, "It's not THE Stiletto, it's just 'Stiletto'!" And I know I'm in the damn minority, but I thought the Daily Planet scene was smokin' hot between Clois, the way they looked at each other, you thought they'd go for it on the floor two seconds after the scene was cut.

However, I'm missing the magic of Lois and the RBB. It was NOT the most romantic scene ever to me. It was sweet. It was darling, but I wasn't shaking in Clois happiness. I was more like, "That was it?" So Stiletto didn't do it for me, I'm sorry. They made Lois ridiculous, and failed to make my Clois heart as happy as I SHOULD be for Season 8. If that RBB scene had happened in Season 5, I'd be over the moon. But this is Season 8 people, time for more.

# 10 - Odyssey



Awwww, the beginning of the Daily Planet partnership, so good! This held the promise of so much more than we unfortunately got this season, but it was a great episode. I enjoyed it a lot. Great ending scene, good foreshadowing to the Ollie/Dinah and a little Justice League, good stuff.

Anyway, here's my list. I hope you enjoyed reading!

Hi Everyone,

Well, that was not only the worst finale ever, but one of the worst episodes ever. They're exhausted and apparently have no goddamn energy or desire to pull anything good out of any part of their body. Seriously, they couldn't look on the net and find some talented fans to help them out? Jesus, usually they just piss off the Cloisers. This time, they pissed off everyone. I couldn't see what fanbase they were aiming for.  As usual, I agree completely with my partner in crime, so I'll be commenting quite a bit like Cricketgrl's LJ and I thank her for her incredible fan art and passion for SV and Clois. :)





8x22 Doomsday Review




Lois vs. Tess

What the fuck!!! As cricketgrl said, we have an Army Soldier trained woman and a Martial Arts trained woman and they give us a stupid little weak fight? What, did the guys in the writing room sit there and go, "Gee, let's put the two hot women on the show in a room and see how many guys we can give a fantasy to instead of letting them actually kick ass?" They seriously need to watch Alias and let strong women actually fucking FIGHT! Tess and Lois wouldn't fight like that. That was some teenage male's fantasy. I get that these are the hot women, but these are trained women, step up the fight about 98%.

And on top of that, there was hardly a REASON for the fight! Lois doesn't have your goddamn orb, Tess. Does Lois look like she could blow up your door from the inside? NO! Now I've only watched the episode once and I was bored, so maybe I missed something, but it just seemed like they really WANTED them to fight so they created some scenario with little reason FOR the fight. Tess should've known it wasn't Lois. They just wanted them to fight. Hey, two hot chicks, right? Gawwwwwwwwd.

Clark Kent vs. Doomsday

Clark doesn't die, Doomsday's still evil and splits in two, the whole thing's ridiculous. WHY why why? This was written horrifically. You don't need a big budget to do great writing. It's called dialogue, it's called the story. I don't give a damn about special effects. So if we didn't get a big fight, fine. Have something else. Give us a better STORY! This, whatever this was...crap. I didn't even mind so much that we didn't get some huge fight, maybe they couldn't afford it, however, Clark and Doomsday had barely a scene together. THAT is horrible. It should've been about them. HELLO!

Lois Lane & The Red Blue Blur

THIS WAS OUR ONLY SCENE? Okay, why is Clark all of a sudden ALWAYS being an ass to her? Like, a real ass? Not my cup of tea. If we have a triangle, we have a triangle, fine, but Clark doesn't need to be world's biggest fuck head and then run off and be distant but kind to her as his alter-ego. NO! And what were we supposed to gain from this scene? After what Clana, Lexana, pretty much every other couple has gotten in finales, we get a phone booth scene where nothing really happens and "all is supposed to be forgiven"? BULLSHIT! It's two minutes before the show's over and I realize we're going to get nothing else and I'm so confused I'm not even pissed off. Now, I'm left realizing how much they fucked everyone over and I'm amazed.

The phonebooth scene was pointless, nothing happened. I'm not impressed with this triangle at all. This is not making me go mythos at all. Not in SV anyway. It sucks. Improve it or move on.

Dinah Lance

I love me some Dinah Lance! I was so happy to see her! But again, what the FUCK! What, the love of her life doesn't even say hello to her? Gee, Oliver and Clark have the same damn problem. No realization in their minds whatsoever. (See, unlike with Clois where there is no switching of their partnering at all, I'm happy with Oliver being with Dinah or Tess, hee) But the so under used our Dinah. Dammit. And I love her. And can I just say how much better she looks as a brunette? She's one gorgeous woman. Wow.

Oliver Queen

See, as much as I hate to say it, I was pretty much on Oliver's side. For the greater good, sometimes you have to make some sacrifices. I don't know, that's my point of view. It'd be nice if you could believe in the good all the time, like Clark, but not everyone is redeemable. Sucks. So I'm much more of a Clark fan than an Oliver fan, but Oliver had my vote on this one. Poor Ollie!

Chloe and Jimmy

Does she NEVER die??? God! I actually didn't want her to die until now, and now I'm pissed that she's still here. Crap! Jimmy died and she still has the nerve to be the one to survive? GRRRRRRRR! But as a total Chimmy person, I was blown away, once again, by their love. Chloe/Davis, go away! They were a ridiculous pairing. I was SO happy Chloe realized who the love of her life is. Not Davis, not Clark, but Jimmy. Sometimes, guess what, the good guy gets your love. And I'm so happy our James Olsen, OUR James Olsen, got that before the bastard killed him.

So poor Chloe, she's having a bad day. I wish Lois would bring our Jimmy back so he and Chloe could be together. TEARS!

Where the FUCK is Lois?

Okay, so Lois is our heroine, our canon heroine, and they leave her out of 80% of the show? I could scream. I loved her scene with Jimmy, I will always miss their scenes. I hope Lois travels to the future and finds out the truth. I hope she has a great time and comes back as sassy as ever. I hope we see her in the future and I hope they un-fuck all of this shit and despite my language I am forever the optimist. Though I don't know why.

Again, what the FUCK?!?!

---

Dear LJ,

Well, Requiem pretty much couldn't have pissed me off more. Excuse me? Clark and Lana, the epic couple? Mother-****! I don't think so. That is bull-****ing-****! Yes, I'm angry. Lana is not a pure, life-saving soul. She is corrupt and dark, and not the love of Clark's life. She is barely a high school crush, nothing more. Lois is everything to Clark, and it's time they portray that on the damn show.

Lana needed to embrace her darkness, and at the very least, accept that she and Clark were *not* meant to be, say their goodbyes and leave it at that. Now this crap of always being in love so now no matter what happens with Lois and Clark, Lois is practically second best? Oh my God.

And the Clana sex at the beginning of the episode. I have to go puke now. Clark having sex with Lana is disgusting anyway, but all of Season 8 up until Legion was about him discovering his feelings for Lois, and now he's destroyed that by sleeping with the idiot farmgirl he can't fucking get over! And the whole breaking the bed crap, pulease! Did we really need the damn graphic display? We got it, they've got super-powers, it's disgusting enough without the visuals, thanks.

Clark has now made me and everyone else on the Clois fanbase mad as hell because of his sexual appetite with Lana but seriously, WHY Clark, WHY? You have a beautiful, sexy, smart, strong woman in love with you and you fall back in love with the wench who's boring as paste who cries and can barely play out an episode without landing herself in the hospital! WTF! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

But dammit, even after all this, I am not phased. I am STILL a Clois supporter, a Tomerica Clois supporter, and after Clark suffers, I want my Clois! I want Erica and Tom's chemistry steaming up my screen! The Clana people may have gotten their damn epic whatever crap that they wanted, so now they better leave it alone. I want my Clois now. I'm not fading into the background crying my eyes out and expecting nothing. I expect MORE now.

And dammit, I will be happy to get it. Come on Clois Season 9!

Sorry, had to add in a little Lexana, after all, for as corrupt as Lana is, who else would she truly belong with than someone as corrupt as her, Lex Luthor himself...