Pinned
I just think that in reality two hockey players doing it soooo nasty must literally sound insane. They’re pushing each other up against walls (bonk thud), wrestling (crash), ass grabbing (smack) and god just the physical movement of 400lbs of muscles clappin together you’ve gotta imagine that it sounds like a genuine riot??
Like yea they’re lovingly looking into each others’ eyes and whimpering but OUTSIDE the room it sounds like
Shane feels sick. His face is burning hot, his throat feels butchered, and he just wants to lay down, preferably somewhere cold, and close his eyes. He has a scheduled hookup with Rozanov though, and maybe he's not that sick really. Maybe it's just hot in here. Would be silly to skip the sex he's been waiting for months, so, fuck that. He's going.
Except the moment they get to action, he almost throws up on Rozanov and has to run away to the bathroom, splashing his face with cold water and praying for the tiled floor to swallow him whole.
Rozanov waits at the door, brows furrowed, and Shane is fucking mortified. He keeps stammering apologies, fully expecting to get kicked out. Rozanov will probably never want to meet with him again, and it makes Shane's eyes fill with never-spilling tears.
Except suddenly, Rozanov's lips are on his forehead, and Shane trembles in anticipation for a kiss - but instead of that, Rozanov grumbles, "Hollander. You're burning. Are you an idiot?"
Shane wants to say that no, and by the way, an idiot is very unlikely to be called a hockey genius, it's just illogical, so there. But Rozanov's hands are on him, gentle, cooling palms on his feverish cheeks. Hands guide him to the bed, undress button by button until he's in just boxers - so maybe yay still sex?
Oh. No. Instead, he gets a pill and water - Rozanov holds the glass with one hand, as if not trusting Shane not to drop it. His other hand is on the back of Shane's head, fingers scratching at the short hair at his nape, and Shane has a lump in his throat.
Then suddenly there's a wet cloth on his forehead, more cloths wrapped around his wrists and ankles. They're blissfully cold, but also stinky. Shane wrinkles his nose.
"Is good vodka, do not make this face." Rozanov's voice sounds a bit muffled.
Shane wonders why he turns him into a vodka-smelling Egyptian mummy, and apparently he says it out loud, because Rozanov laughs.
"For your fever. Would be better with, how you say it, vinegar! Mama did it for me when I was sick."
Shane wonders if you can get drunk through the skin, because he's probably having a fever dream: Rozanov's climbing into bed with him, propping Shane's head on his chest, carding fingers through his short hair, petting his head, talking about...something. Shane's not sure what he's saying. He's suspecting half of it is in Russian.
Rozanov's voice is a nonstop gentle soft rumble - Shane closes his eyes and sees it as the waves that ebb and flow through his body. Soothing it.
He wakes up in Rozanov's arms, held firmly but carefully. The world feels more coherent, like Shane's head cleared up a bit.
"You shouldn't be so close." He mumbles to Rozanov, mouth so dry his lips and tongue are sticky. "I'll pass it on to you."
Instead of a reply, Rozanov makes him drink more water, then plants a kiss on his lips.
"No. Is a bottom virus. Tops do not catch it."
"You're such a fucking asshole." Shane feels his cheeks heat up again and tries elbowing him in the ribs.
Fast forward to a few days later, and the Raiders captain is down with a fever - nothing serious, but rest is required. Shane is kind of pouting that he can't return the favor, and can't help but text: 'Bottom virus huh?'
Rozanov replies with a 'Shut up. Will kick your ass in two weeks for getting me sick.'
Shane smiles. 'Hope you have vodka there. Worked like a charm.'
nice shorts hollander
ilya rozanov's personal squishy
Actually you SHOULD make problematic content. You SHOULD explore dark or taboo topics. You SHOULD have a space where you can cope with your traumas or explore sensitive topics in a way that doesn't hurt anyone.
Also you should make problematic content for funsies. You don't need to have had trauma or need to be coping in order to explore dark creativity. You can just be a human who wants to explore dark and taboo topics because you want to. That's completely normal, btw.
Every single person on this planet thinks about dark and taboo things. It's literally the most normal thing in the world.
Go draw the horror porn and be free.
Still fighting in the war on weird freaks and their creative works, on the side of weird freaks and their creative works
As much as I love the idea of Jackie using Cheddar to get Quiet Time, we must remember these hockey boys make fuck off amounts of money.
In other words, I think Shane is hiring a cat sitter when he's away.
oh shane absolutely would be hiring a cat sitter normally (and paying them extra to come over and Exist Around Cheddar ahead of time to make sure cheddar is comfy around them), but shane going out of town also means hayden is out of town and jackie WILL be getting a break while solo parenting by using the rules of needing to be quiet for cheddar.
shane brings up hiring a cat sitter so jackie doesn't need to stop by, and jackie looks at him like he's lost his fucking mind. you want to deprive her of the ability to have her kids be almost SILENT for an hour while also wearing themselves out dragging toys around for cheddar?? the twins had a "no baths" phase until she took them over and let cheddar take a bath with them so they would just get in the fucking tub.
cheddar is her co-parent, shane. you can't do this to her.
reblogging with my own tags despite my original assertion because i am laughing at the way ilya would be SEETHING during a hook-up during the afterglow when shane checks his phone and smiles slightly before typing something back and putting it down. and what he got was a picture of cheddar being goofy and having Crazy Eyes while clinging to the top of his ceiling-height climbing pole, but what ilya sees is shane smiling at his phone and what ilya then hears when he asks about this is, "it was just paul checking in."
shane almost ends up spending the night with him that night purely as a consequence of how thoroughly he gets fucked after that.
making this whole thing worse is that paul is quebecois so he and shane speak almost exclusively in french
so when shane takes a call from paul in ilya's presence, his tone is fond because he's talking about cheddar, but all ilya hears is very warm, affectionate french being spoken to fucking!! paul!!!!!
le fuck off!!!
shane and ilya really are fingers-in-mouth4fingers-in-mouth and i think that’s beautiful
I’ve actually been fucking your son for 10 years. Thank you for pasta
hayden: does he like…go down on you?
shane: hayden. he sucks my cock
said this in a reply last night but i'm still thinking about it. shane hollander is the city of montreal's personal blorbo for LIFE (tlg dni). he is their darling and they will never let go. he could literally commit murder in broad daylight and everyone would be like "we didn't see anything but if we did, that guy deserved it!" because, like, it's shane hollander. he is never getting chased out of montreal. if any of shane hollander's teammates or coach are homophobic to him once he's outed, the people of montreal will have them drawn and quartered right there in the middle of downtown. how DARE you. that's SHANE HOLLANDER. you don't get to do that to him.
ilya rozanov actually gets a huge facelift in terms of reputation in montreal once everyone knows he's in love with shane hollander and, crucially, that shane hollander is in love with him, too. like, yeah man, being in love with shane hollander is a lifestyle. we're all in love with him too. you're just like us for real huh rozy? we respect it. ilya rozanov walks into a bar somewhere in montreal and someone goes "oh my god! you're--" and he's like yes, yes, ilya rozanov, hockey player, stanley cup winner, etc., but then they finish out with "--shane hollander's husband!" and he's just dumbstruck for a minute before he gets the biggest grin of all time. this is his favorite way he's ever been recognized in public in his life.
It is my deeply held and unmovable belief that there's an actual for real riot when Montreal lets Shane walk as a free agent without grovelling and bending over backwards and offering him the full 20% cap hit for his salary and maybe working in a few loopholes to pay him even more in bonuses. Promising him literally anything to get him to stay
A small percentage of extremely irrational superfans think the GM should have blown up the roster to make room for Ilya and sold his soul and his mother and his lily white ass to somehow trade for Ilya. When Shane walks there are effigies of the GM being burnt. Anyone on the team or with the org who might have been homophobic to Shane and driven him away from the grasp of Montreal gets an effigy too. Cars are smashed. Fires are set. A contingent of counter-rioters are burning effigies of Shane and are mad that he left. The entire front office staff at Montreal is replaced. The GM is ignominiously fired and flees to America for safety. His mother denounces him on national TV as if he's committed a grave and unforgivable crime against the whole nation of Canada.
I know we talk a lot about shane being horny and needy all the time, but can I talk about ilya being horny and needy for a second? that's the guy who said, 'no, hollander. I want to fuck you' and 'I will do anything if it will make you touch my dick right now" and 'gimmie kiss'. he is so needy when it comes to shane he wants shane so fucking bad!
