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Hi and welcome to my journal. My name is Blue. I'm as guy in early twenties who lives in Europe, currently a literature student. I love joining challenges and exchanges (even if finding a match is sometimes hard due to my main fandom not being popular with an older crowd of people).

I enjoy writing a lot of darker or uncomfortable topics. Some general warnings are shota, teacher/student relationships, noncon/dubcon, (pseudo) incest, cannibalism and, at some point in the future, necrophilia (kida. it's complicated cause game lore but it's also kinda true and kinda not. it's weird).

( fandom stuff )

Other non-fandom things I love are reading and gaming. Sometimes I collect stuff like pokemon cards or figures. I also love Sanrio and my favourite character is Cinnamoroll.

Stuff I love that I am not really a part of fandom but might mention: Umamusume, Love Live, most animanga, Hollow Knight, Stardew Valley, Pokemon, the Sims, Monster Hunter.

I have a request box that can be found here! You can request a ship + prompt, and I will think about writing it! This is a suggestion style only, so it's not guaranteed that I will write it.

My website can be found here! It's a small hobby of mine, personal and fandom stuff can be found there too.
My fanfiction archive site is here!

Communities I run:

rewrite_a_fic - challenge community about rewriting an older work of yours

chocopeppermint - community for all the TCGs I participate in

Finish all of 'Let me down slowly' chapters	Finish at least one dol au fic	Write a Joscarl skin ship I haven't previously done	Make a new shrine for my website	Annual 5th January antodrew fic
More joscarl	Get halfway through 'Hell's Bistro'	Write more of 'It's hard to say that everything will be okay' fic	Finish 'Lifeless Stars'	Start working on the big Antodrew fic that has been in plans since 2023
Finish 'we should stick together' series	Finish a moriaku fic I started	FREE SPACE	Do the idv x limbus crossover fic	Do some of the Macrocest Bingo Night Edition fills
Write for another Limbus ship	Egg fic	Write more side stories for 'Lifeless Stars'	Crossdressing fic	Write 'Psyche Luger' gregclair fic
Finish most of the 'Garden of eden fics'	Write Heishou IDs gregclair	Balance out IDV and Limbus fics	Finish 'Just one more kiss'	Don't join more than 5 exchanges

Round two of the creative bingo! Another ambitious one, all things considered. I'd love to get a lot things done next year, so that's reflected in the challenges I've given myself. Once again, 'Lifeless Stars' is the most ambitious one, but working on 'Hell's Bistro' might be a hard one too, depending on how I feel throughout the year. some of these I could've gotten done now, but I've decided to relax for the last few days of the year.

On updating: This will be a pinned post until the end of the year. When one of the things is finished, depending on what it is, it will either be linked to if it's a fic or be bolded if it's a goal for something that i can't post yet (event fic that needs to be posted at specific time or work that isn't posted but was rather just something to work on and not finish still).

I think I finally managed to edit themes that were not just applied ones finally. I previously tried to use this theme but had a problem with it clipping and not working correctly. It turns out that you need to read the instructions for them to work (living up to the project moon stereotype I see). I do like this new theme a lot.

I would also like to make a nicer looking intro too. I like the simple one, but I do think it needs a refreshment. Could probably use some more information too.

I know I said I was gonna write about the dol stuff but i kinda got preocupided (with studying and dol itself lmao) so hopefully tomorrow on that? I do have some neat ideas after all, hopefully they won't escape me.

Any decent writing done? Not really. But hey, at least I am doing other things, I say to myself while I do not write and I want to write. But it's fine. Things need time.

That being said, in the bit of the free time I've had so far, I've been playing more lob corp. There's a lot of things I have to go through still, but things are progressing better than I thought they would. I did end up with Mountain of smiling bodies so you know. An ALEPH is an ALEPH and it's gonna suck a little bit. He does not seem to like my agents much, so I've finally entered the '5748536054 resets a day' era of this game. And I still haven't opened all the departments.

I also picked up Degrees of Lewdity again after months of not playing the game. Reset the whole thing since it has been a while and honestly, the randomness has not been treating me well so far. I cannot get Eden to show up at all and he's my favourite love interest to pick! Gwylan keeps appearing instead of him, and I've gotten black wolf a few times too! I'm guessing it will take a while before I get back to him.

Now, this actually got me pondering some fic ideas, especially with some of the dol aus I have to work on. Will probably make a separate post on this tomorrow since it's a bit late right now, so that will be fun to do!

On another note: I am again thinking of changing my site design. Who would've thought? In all seriousness, I do need to rework it and make it easier to navigate. I've seen some people use javascript for easier navigation though I still need to think about that and if I want to torture myself from doing all of that from scratch and no proper learning curve because I'm impatient. Maybe just doing a better coding job in general would be better for me? I could finally make css in a separate file and not insert it on every page. I sadly do like my non-matching layouts on different pages at times (not all the time, but sometimes) and I like that a bit too much. I believe I need to figure out how I want the layout to look like before I even start anything.

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Today I was late for a class where the professor does not let you in if you come after him, so I took the time to have a little walk and as always, I ended up in a bookstore. Besides the fact that they completely changed the layout since the last time I was there (the upper floor was a manga section and now is completely gone. where is it? i couldn't find it at all!) I also found a book I'd like to read and, on compete accident, this journal. I don't usually pick ones like this since I prefer blank ones when it comes to the cover and/or dotted or blank as it's easier to work with them when it comes to my journaling habits I've developed, but I made a choice to get this lined one because it was just too cute to pass up. Sometimes cute things do win.

This also reminded me of the whole concept of journaling and how one can see it online. I do tend to stick to a proper notebook since I can have it on hand (as I haven't written for long periods of time on my phone in a while, and i would like it to stay like that) so I will occasionally seek out journaling stuff online.

And as with everything else, people can give a specific image that one can't quite grasp at all times.

I don't think I can use a planner. Planning things sucks. I usually have things on my mind that I know I have to do and I usually have someone around me to remind me of other things. I don't need a notebook where I just write things I have to do, but the internet seems to think that's the best way to journal. It's also not helping that the grifter 'this will fix your life' assholes are also jumping on the trend of it (they have been for years now, but I think it's just a lot more visible to be than it was ever before). Planner won't help me much that's for sure.

I like to use my journals in different ways. I have one for scrapbooking and it's really fun. I tape down munch of stuff I got outside, a bunch of stickers, other paper I have on me, it's really fun. Sometimes I even print out stuff to just put in it for the fun of it. I also have my 'creative journal' where I mostly write about stuff I do when it comes to games, what I wanna write, something what I wanna do, when I originally started that journal I even did a con page on things I did at the convention and what I got. It was very fun. There's also a proper diary I have, that just what it says it is - a diary. The last notebook I use is a slightly different one: I use it for my novel writings, mostly to write down some thoughts, ideas and things i feel would be important for the characters, mostly related to their psychology.

There's no point in doing things like soem stranger on the internet things one should do. I also like putting random stickers and cute stuff into my journals, but it's not something I'd call aesthetic the same way the ones I see on instagram and youtube. They're cute in their own way, but my journal is mine and I love it for that.

A few days ago I saw a post that quoted this one, which ultimatly inspired this post now lol. TLDR of it, specifically for Heated Rivalry, there's not enough people creating fanworks and engaging with fandom and there's a lot more people who just generate discourse instead of loving the source material. This is a sentiment that can be applied to most fandoms in the current day and age, especially if you're main outlet for fandom is social media. Things work a little bit different on dreamwidth, as if I'm not wrong, i've seen more event focused stuff regarding that fandom over here than on twitter for sure.

This is something very common though, as I've noticed an overall lack of events in certain fandoms, especially the ones I participate in the most, those being Identity V and Limbus Company. There's a lack of anything besides a ship or character week, and nowadays I don't even see IDV events at all and for Limbus just recently there were 2 ship weeks close to a character birthday, which were probably why they were there in the first place.

But the truth still stands - there's hardly any bangs or reverse bangs, month long events besides kinktober (which is a general event and not fandom specific), no exchanges even. I was very lucky to find both the project moon one and a limbus one here, done for their respective anniversaries, only for the limbus one to have me and the host participating. There's very few people wanting to engage with general fandom in these cases.

Obviously, there are fandoms where participation still stands high. My first thought are the my hero academia fandom and at times, bungou stray dogs. There's a lot more there than when I was active in the fandom, that's for sure. Maybe because there's a lot more anti-harassment spaces now than back then, I can't say for sure. But there are exchanges, ship weeks, character weeks, things that initiate specific fandom participation.

As much as I love general events like ones at

ficwip or

allbingo , there's a huge lack of fandom specific events in my main fandoms, so I can feel for Heated Rivalry fans who do want to participate and do stuff, but can't even think of it due to how bad fandom spaces have gotten in the past few years.

I think there should be a conversation on how we treat creators, especially fic writers, because my god, things have gotten so much worse over time for us. But that's not today's topic. Maybe some other time.

TLDR there's a huge lack of fandom events becuase people are being ass about the things they like and hardly want to do things at times.

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Turns out that when you sit down and write things to come out. But you like. Do it, instead of thinking of doing it. Don't know how to explain it but whatever. What matters is that I won't be finishing the month off with very little to work with.

I'm now also thinking of adding more stats to my monthly wrap up in writing. Not sure how that will go but I'm gonna think more about it in like 2 days because I kinda have some stuff to do now that can't wait much for uni.

Writing for this month? I don't wanna talk about it. Reading for uni? I feel like i haven't read anything while reading everything. Studying? For a test I have next week? Kinda. Started today. Didn't get much done still.

This is not my month at all lmao.

Okay I did write, but I worked on original work. Still, it's not as much as I wanted to. I have so many fics on stand by and I haven't done anything since that one chapter update on the first. I'm just frustrated with everything rn. Can't even play games because they stopped working on the app I use on my PC and I can't seem to fix that in any way. It's worse because I didn't even do anything, it just stopped working once when it was fine the day before. It has been like this for like 2 weeks I think.

For the first time in maybe a decade, I have decided to write original work. For the most of my writing journey, I’ve mostly been writing fan fiction, which requires different way of writing compared to original fiction. While my skill has improved over the years, most of it came from writing fan fiction, a medium that requires a different type of writing. The reader already knows the characters they’re reading about, and even if put in a different setting than the original, one can recognize the characters even with certain details changed.

Original fiction is a different beast. It requires more work if you want things to be understandable from a world point of view, including building characters from ground up. The reader doesn’t know them, they have to meet them through the book as time goes on.

When I was a kid, I always dreamed of having a book set in a fantasy setting or something more medieval, since some of my favourite settings were like that. I adored the BBC Merlin TV show and one of my favourite movies were Lord of the rings, and later on the Hobbit, of which I also read the book in middle school. I also liked the Narnia movies, so most of the things I enjoyed I also wanted to create. So looking at it now, it is funny that the things I am writing is grounded in reality, in a time period not too far away from today.

Another task that I have on myself is writing this in my native language. For over a decade, I’ve been writing fan fiction in English, for the simple reason that people who were going to read this would do so in English, not in a small Balkan language most of the world doesn’t know. While I’ve done my fair share of papers and other non-fiction writing for the sake of studying, doing so for fiction felt awkward for the first few paragraphs. After so long of writing in English, I forgot that my own language is not even that bad to write in. Maybe because this is original fiction and not fan fiction.

My point with all of this? I’m happy I finally got to write this. The idea itself has been on my mind for a couple of months, and I’m glad I’m not putting it into reality. I have no idea when this will be done, it might take years, it might take a few months, but I’m getting there. This isn’t the only thing I’m writing at the end of the day.

So far so good. I’m happy with how this is going.

Was pretty much a mess for the last week or so due to a paper I had to write, so I'm just happy that is now over. And at the same time I was also able to write a chapter each both of my long fics that are posted, which is amazing considering how little I've worked on them in the past couple of months (wish I could do the same for 'let me down slowly' lmao). With all of the important stuff now finally done, I can rest a little and write something proper with no stress over some deadline looming over my head.

I still have to sort the TCG stuff out, which is a pain, at this point I'm not sure if i'm even capable of it lmao. I guess I will stick to the one on my neocities for the time being since the other stuff is too hard for me to figure out.

I can also finally focus on writing some other stuff too, since it has been a while since the last time I did an event, weather it was an exchange or a casual one. Something gotta be done at some point.

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Finally sat down to write an idv fic after a good while. Idk when will I properly get to finish it but I'm just happy to work on some idv stuff again. I have another fic that I wanna work there too, so I might get to finish them at similar times. They're both dmnoir fics so more of that is always nice.

I've also been making proper progress on silksong for once lol. I've caught up to where I was left before I got linux installed, so I was now mostly trying to figure out where to go next. I got one of the major bosses down and realized where to go finally. Also found out where to get the clawline ability after not figuring it out on my first run of the game. Apparently I just needed to go to another lava filled area which I hate, so I kinda just ignored it until. I realized I kinda needed to do that. At least now I can go to the mountain area.

On other topics, I found this site called pikidiary. It's for micro blogging but more cute and you can customize it a little bit more than your usual micro blogging platform. There was another one similar to it called hjonk that someone sent in a discord server i'm in, but for some reason, I did not get an email once I sighed up. Too bad, considering it was pretty ok looking and seems nice. More customizable than the first one it seems too, but what can you do right now.

I've been very lazy regarding colors stuff. Have yet to make the move to the new place, but I don't even know where to start still. No amount of looking at php code is really helping it, I get overwhelmed every time I look at it. Idk if I can even do this anymore, which is a shame since I don't think I'll ever get the possibility to have a site for that ever again. It would be dumb to just let it waste away empty, but the struggle of just making it work is too much. Idk what to do regarding that.

I've been kinda bad with that one weekly event I joined at the the beginning of the year, and honestly it's the same reason as last time lol. I'm not good with one week deadlines for fics, even with specific prompts to work around them. I think it's what kinda killed me in the last month when it comes to writing, trying to scrap something to have for the event, resulting in either way too short fics for my liking or just not finishing something at all.

As much as I'm interested in doing weekly stuff like that, it's kinda too much after 2-3 weeks for me. And since I don't even know what I should be writing for the following week until I get it, I don't think I'll be doing this again sadly.

On the brighter side, I did write something on the side, and while it technically ended up fitting one of the ficwip's events, it has more so to do with the fact that I'm stuck on being fixated on a rare pair, which simply made the tiny ship fleet fest sub event quite easy to add to lol. I hope now things will go smoothly.

...A little bit smoothly, as I decided to work on 'Hell's bistro' meaning I have to write Don Quixote speaking, which is not going well even after reading everything lmao. Writer her dialogue is really not my strong point. But to get the ball rolling and move on with the story after a few months, I will need to just sit down and write it, even if that means butchering it. This is fine.

Anyways, things are a little bit better. I can do this.

Made actual progress on my site today. After a while, I made a new page, this time about Stardew Valley mods. So far I've listed one list of mods, but I will be adding many more soon, as there's just so many things I can add to the lists. Not to mention that there are many mods that get released every other day that are very much worth playing or at least trying out.

I also figured out PHP just a little bit. From viewing files of some other people on the same hosting space, I figured how to show header and footer. Now I need to figure out everything else, which is the actual important part (all the statistics, collecting, trading cards and more). I don't wanna know how long it will take for all of it but sure a lot longer than I initially thought. At least it's working.

Got my proper new trade post space where I can use more than just one TCG as I did want to play more of them. Was also meat with a horrible realization: I have no idea how to set any of this up.

I got eTCG to work somehow, or at least installed it. Added my collecting cards kida i guess and added my mastered decks. Now how do I work on the actual PHP part of this? Lord knows. I'm waiting for a diff person who's hosting with the same person to help me out a bit (time zones be damned) but on god, I am not managing this well so far, fuee.

I did made a simple page for all the managing of everything, but it idk if I'll need to change it up a bit later on. We'll see how that goes. I also need to figure out how to use the high/mid/low priority stuff and figure out how and where to put a card sorter + text spaces for easy copy paste card names stuff. This is going to be a bit longer than I thought it would be. Idk why I expected it not to be long but whatever. I will figure this out.

Uni is starting again next week so that's gonna limit pretty much everything on PC at least. Dreamwidth isn't exactly the greatest when navigating it on mobile besides the default journal theme, so even if I do normally check up on stuff on the daily and not talk much, even that might decrease now, at least on the weekdays.

I think I'm also reaching that funny point where I just straight up won't write anything or much for a while. Last year that happened also in March (though I was going through a burnout at that time last year due to writing so much stuff back to back for a bingo event) so it might just be another month like that. Linda sad since I do have an event to participate in and I wanted to do better than last last time I participated in it (though I'm already doing better by actually writing more than twice for it). We'll still see now the month goes along.

And as now it's March that also means another thing: Gregor torture allowed. I've mentioned some stuff I wanna do with that, right now it's really just the matter of when I do it. I'm hoping these end up being a bit longer too, it's been a while since the last time I did a longer fic. I also need to work more on the creative bingo, as I've done very little so far. I'm expecting most stuff to get done in the latter half of the year just like how it was in 2025 too, so right now I'm not too worried about it.

I also need to get working on the fannish 50 in 2026 because i haven't even started yet. I have a few ideas on what to work on, so I need to get around that.

Now I need to sit down and write stuff, one way or another.

Finally having time to sit down and write something here that isn't a small update lol.

I got the exchange fic done, which was very important. Happy how it turned out. In general there wasn't much writing this month, but for what's worth, I did like most of the things I did. That one gregclair fic was... ehhh, I did want to get it done for the event so it is what it is. Better luck this month with writing better.

Since Gregor's bday is a mess when it's not a leap year, I technically can still write smth for him today still. I do have one fic I liked working on that's not done yet, so that can work. I don't think starting the one i really wanted to write now would be that great due to not enough time, so I can save that for later.

Other non-writing fun things

I finally got games working on my linux that aren't ones on steam! This is important because I can't really buy games with no money, so this was a great thing for me! Besides Lobotomy Corporation, Fear & Hunger and Darkest Dungeon that I've been played at the beginning of the month, I finally got back to Silksong! Had to restart everything, but considering I was still in the beginning of act 2 there's not too much that I have to go through for that. Tho that final battle of act 1 is once again giving me trouble lol. I do think I should work on getting more upgrades and some more items as I am short on them, including money. This game is very stingy regarding that, tho it's also a bit on me for not going out of my way to find relics and do stuff I did do in the original playthrough. Should probably focus on that instead of hitting a brick wall and going unga bunga on the boss.

Very amazing things for my TCG stuff, as I was able to find hosting for it. It's currently pending so I'm waiting for when everything is ready, but I am so happy for this. this also means it will be easier to play more than one TCG as I will have both space and ability to edit things much more easily. I've been thinking of joining sparkling, so now that's probably happening once I figure PHP out.

Separate hosting in general is great for me since I have to update my site on the daily if I want to add or remove cards, which is a bit annoying as I've only been updating site for that rather than actual update stuff like when I have fics or add some stuff. This will prevent the site getting pushed when it doesn't need to at least and will only notify people when something actual happens there.

Not exactly the best month, but you gotta have one of those sometimes.

Comforting - gregclair

Return to normalcy - Pav/Daan

Soon to sail ship - Gregor & Faust

Made a community for all my TCG stuff -

chocopeppermint

All the links should soon be rederected to the trade post there rather than the one I have here. It's also in the first sticky so you can still get to it through this journal if you need to.

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Blue

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June 2026

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garden of eden

Recent Entries

Sticky: Intro

Sticky: Blue's 2026 creative bingo

okeee, figuring this journal stuff out

Chilling at least, site stuff

Updates, updates, what I'm doing

Journaling

Modern fandom & events (fannish 50 #1)

April fic summary

OK I'm better now

What am i even doing?

Writing original work

Finally getting stuff sorted out

March fic summary

Doing things again, finding new stuff

i forgot to tive this a title when posting, so here's a makeshift title

Getting things together

Realization that I can't code

I again write things down

I talk for once

Febuary fic summary

swapping things around

Profile

June 2026

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