Otter's Creek

Two years. Hard to believe that two years have now passed. How could he have ever thought that we'd get over it? The hole that's left in my life feels like a hole in my chest. It's hard to enjoy the good stuff now because it just makes me wish he were here to share it. He'd be happy for me now. But he's not here.

I took work off yesterday and stayed in bed, didn't get dressed. Stared at his picture a lot. Went through lots of kleenex.




In his honor, I am asking everyone to please go here: http://action.defenders.org/seaott… and send a message to your congresspersons urging them to help save the southern sea otter.

Today is Grael's first birthday. Does anyone know how he is doing?

Just looking at the entry from last year made me all weepy.

These two very dear LiveJournal friends passed away in 2007, much, much before their time. I worked most of yesterday and into today making this memorial to them.

Just came across this again today

http://inclementine.livejournal.co…

Your death was one of the most painful experiences of my life, and the grief I've felt over your death and how you died still doesn't outweigh the love and light and goodness that you brought into my life, and I am still very grateful that we lived at the same time and knew each other and loved each other.

http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?page…

Check for events going on in your area, or join in on the Web.

Dear Rob-

When I think about you I'm no longer filled with a stabbing, sobbing kind of pain. Instead it's changed into something larger, quieter, softer but more disperse. As the anger continues to dries up and move on to other, more current, happenings what is left is a sense of pervasive sadness.

Now that fall is moving across the South I take the dog on longer walks at night. When everything is quiet I sometimes walk down the middle of the road with my eyes closed. It's a little scary but when I'm not limited by my eyes it helps me feel how big the world is. The nighttime breeze moves across my arms; it makes them feel light, make me feel younger. And I know that you're not out walking Chelsea tonight.

After you first died I kept saying to myself "how could this have happened?". What I really meant was how could this ever happen to anyone, not just you. I've read a thousand pages of clinical text about depression and its treatment but I never really knew what it meant, in my heart, until I really got right with your last days on this earth.

I know that I'll eventually have the opportunity to make the difference in the lives of many people and hopefully be able to lessen some of the tragedy of loss in this world. That doesn't make up for the fact that you're dead, but it helps me make a little bit of sense out of how I can move forward with my life.

I want to move towards a place of forgiveness but I'm not there yet. I understand but I do not approve. I miss you.

-RR

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ROB.

I MISS YOU.  TERRIBLY.

 According to the LJ date and time stamp of 3/24/07 3:35 am.

 "Yo, stranger!
You have been gone for a long time. Next time I see you I'm going to buy you a cup of coffee and tell you, if you'll let me, what a spectacular person you are and how much I... well, I don't want to ruin the surprise. ;)" 



He died between 12:00 am 3/24 and 1:00 am  3/24 from what I recall of that fog.


I miss him so much I could cry.

Many of you already got an email from me (and to those who have already generously donated... THANK YOU!!)... but for those who didn't:

Dear Friends,

I will be joining with thousands of people nationwide this fall walking in AFSP's Out of the Darkness Community Walk to benefit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

My personal fundraising goal is $150.00. I would appreciate any support that you give me for this worthwhile cause.

As you may know, this past March, my beloved close friend Rob took his own life. To say this was devastating to me and to the many others who loved him is putting it mildly. The terrible waste of life is obvious to those he touched. Unfortunately, Rob could not see through the darkness to the path of destruction his suicide would leave. Sadly, he is but one of many wonderful souls who can't seem to find a way out of their pain.

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is at the forefront of research, education and prevention initiatives designed to reduce loss of life from suicide. With more than 30,000 lives lost each year in the U.S. and over one million worldwide, the importance of AFSP's mission has never been greater, nor our work more urgent.

I hope you will consider supporting my participation in this event. Any contribution will help the work of AFSP. Checks should be made payable to AFSP and are 100% tax deductible.

Thank you for considering this request for your support. If you have any questions about the Out of the Darkness Community Walks or AFSP do not hesitate to contact me.

Sincerely,
Molly

Please visit my Community Walk fundraising page if you would like to donate online or see how close I am to reaching my personal goal:

http://www.outofthedarkness.org/in…

X-posted

I was just making a Virgo joke to a new friend of mine (via email)... sitting at my desk at work, I remembered how Rob and I understood each other so well. We have the same birthday. We used to make cracks about our respective Virgo-ness to each other and I can't really explain it but it just felt so good to have such a kindred spirit.

And then I totally broke down--at my desk--and started crying. I'm still crying as I write this.

I can't take this--I miss him so much--the pain is absolutely ovewhelming!!!!!