Tags: dialogue

me with gloves

Dancing

In winter, Wednesday is soup day at Java the Hut. There's a special soup of the week - which this particular week happened to be corn chowder. Snow was blowing past the windows of the coffee shop, and every time a customer came in, they brought with them a fresh gust of cold air. We were serving a lot of soup , things were busy. It wasn't until closing time that I noticed something wrong with Jenny - there hadn't been much time to think about it before then.

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Dialogue exercise - Capt. Hraith and Ens. Nulu

Grief is not my thing. I stood by Nulu's side while his mate, with unborn child, fought a horrific case of Reptilian flu. When they died, I attended the funereal rites. After that, however, I couldn't wait to get away. So it was a little awkward when Nulu and I were sitting in the park, and in the middle of the usual painful silence he said, "Sir, I am grateful."

"For what?" I had to ask. "I haven't done anything."

"It's enough, sir. You make time for me. There's nothing else I need from anyone; just time. You've said before, sir, that I was your best friend. I admit I didn't think that was possible. But..."

"Of course you're my best friend," I said, slightly hurt.

"What I'm trying to say, sir," Nulu mumbled, "is that you are mine as well."

After that, how could I justify abandoning the guy?

The rest of our nine or so months of liberty became an awkward routine of lunches, long walks, and afternoons watching the urban wildlife with hardly a word spoken between us. I convinced him to run with me so we'd stay in shape. He complained about the pressure his family put on him to quit the military. I told a lot of bad jokes. He woke me from a lot of naps with messages that said nothing. Eventually I figured out that if I responded by inviting him to my apartment, he'd let me sleep. The whole time, I desperately wished for escape.

Then one day, he confessed to the same thing. "Sometimes, sir, I'm very tempted to pack up and leave."

"And go where?" I inquired.

"I don't know, sir. It almost doesn't matter. Just as long as it's away from here."

"Well," I pointed out, "we're getting deployed again in a couple of weeks. Hang on till then. Work will probably do you a world of good."

"Regarding that, sir," he said, "perhaps I should more seriously consider withdrawing. I'm not sure my performance--"

"You're not SURE?!" For some reason, that thought really irked me. "Nulu, you've performed well in tougher situations than this! Remember when you were first assigned to the Vigilance?"

No one wanted a Dshag in the military back then. My crew resisted serving alongside him, and I took it upon myself to issue him a reprimand every time he performed a Dshagu ritual. I didn't understand why he engaged in something I considered insubordination and it infuriated me. He had no friends and no allies, and yet he consistently outperformed every other man on my crew. They're all gone now; he's the only original man left. When we finally found some common ground, Nulu's dedication to his job turned into loyalty to me. I stood by him throughout that mess that occurred when he blew the Griys soldier's chest cavity out, testifying at his hearing and ultimately clearing his name. Dammit, I'd stand by him through this too. This was easy. It was just a case of personal grief.

"Work will be good for you," I insisted. "You'll see. Idleness is the worst thing for grief."

Nulu shook his head. "I'm not sure, sir. It may no longer be in me."

"Sure it is. You're the best. I'll give you plenty of allowances while you build yourself back up."

"Captain, I may never be the same again. You understand that, right, sir?"

"Of course," I assured him. "However, you're not dead yet. You've lost someone very important to you - two people, even - and, sure, that changes what life's all about. But you are still alive, and I still need you."

"I still need her," Nulu sighed.

"Yes, but she didn't give up on you. She fell victim to an epidemic that doesn't care what anybody wants out of life or who they love. It's all very arbitrary. But your future isn't arbitrary at all. Everything you've accomplished so far has been due to your own actions and it will continue to be so. You may be swimming against the current, but at least you can swim. I'll do whatever I can to help, as always. Just don't bail on me, Ensign."

I call him 'Ensign' only when appealing to his sense of duty. Normally he's 'Nulu' but that's as informal as I get. Calling him by his given name, Tchaoshou, feels too intimate. I know that's silly; it's probably just due to military influence. And possibly because I can't stand to be called 'Odùa' and it seems polite to treat others as I'd like to be treated.

He agreed to stay, obviously. He grumbled quite a lot, but when the day came, he showed up at the Kuthy Space Elevator Terminal with his uniform on and all his gear stuffed into his pack.