Fear my jiggle you puny mortals!!

1. I do not believe in New Years resolutions.
2. Just because I don't believe in them, doesn't mean I won't use them as an excuse to set goals.
3. So one of my "new Years" goals is to keep my food budget to $50 a week... including fluffy coffee drinks and going out to eat. It isn't really that strict. I have an out. I have a $50 discressionary budget for entertainment if I actually go on a date with a boy and a $100 "need to get laid underpants" fund. This $150 a month will never get touched. Trust me. AND that too will go towards paying off the credit card.
4. The $50 food budget was to accomplish the following:
a) Dig myself out of the stupid f-ing Broken Car/Broken House/Christmas debt.
b) Help me lose weight since I will not have infinate fundage to eat drink and be merry.
c) Help me stop wasting food. I think all Americans do it to a certain extent... buy 10 lbs of apples because it is 10 lbs for 10 bucks, scoop up 20 yogurts because they are half price, or buy the extra box of Captain Crunch because there are cool toys in the box etc etc.

So in order to keep on the $50 a week kick, I started looking at building meals around what was already in the pantry. This forced me to conclude that I had set up my kitchen ass backwards. I decided that I needed to move everything off the top shelf that I use even semi-regularly. So I took everything off all the top shelves of my kitchen and put them on the counters. I then dragged out all my serving stuff and wine glasses and stuck those on the top shelves regardless of "kitchen zone". Then I decided that my canned goods all needed to move out of the cupboard they were living in and it snowballed from there.

I now have abount 8 hours of work to do re-organizing my kitchen... in order to walk through it without kicking over a stack of something. You won't believe how many old and expired things I have found squirreled away. I can't say it will never happen again, but it won't happen for a while. Such a waste! I am officially a bad monkey.

Apparently I don't react like a normal person when it comes to the oven catching on fire. Go figure.

Is really wiping me out this year. Next year, starting in October I am going to get in shape for it. Fill grocery sacks with 20 lb weights to simulate flour sacks, do yoga so I can gift wrap more efficiently, do some balance and agility drills for the parking lots and loading of the car. I got it all mapped out.

Watched all of season one of The Tick. Read some Neil Gaimen short stories (that wasn't smart, I know). Pased around. Brushed the dog. Logged into work remotely and answered some e-mails. Can't sleep. And I know I can't sleep because I left work at 7:30 tonight (well last night now that it is morning), and I will be at work before 7:00 AM tomorrow. Since I dread heading back there, I want to savor every momment I am not there and therefore CAN'T sleep.

I really miss having my guys on nights like this because they almost always had some way to make me go back to bed. Or worst case scenario, I would climb up to the top bunk in Ross's room and he would tell me math stories until I passed out.

I can't wait until vacation in August when I will be with the boys for a whole week. We will be in South Carolina and while I have about 50 million things I want to do and see (I am the only one who has ever been there so I have been making lists of stuff to do). I already know my favorite part will be at night in the hotel room(s) watching bad television, playing with old decks of magic cards, and finally, listening to the boys snore.

That I love to just wander the house like a ghost on Saturdays. Take naps, watch stupid TV, read a good book and sit out on the deck. I just don't like to be with anyone on Saturday, and I don't feel like doing anything productive. I just want to cuddle up with my dog and enjoy doing nothing. If only I could figure out how to get my chores done with this tactic.

Last night I had one of the worst dreams I have ever had in a very long time. I dreampt I woke up to the sound of dripping water and when I jumped out of bed the floor was wet and the outside corner of my room was totally soggy from the ceiling down. I just stood there kind of hopeless, staring at the stain and the water, and then I realized my room was a total mess and I needed to clean it up before I called a repairman... but I couldn't clean because I had house guests and I didn't want them to know I was a slob. So instead of fixing the roof that was letting water disolve the drywall in my house, I manicly entertained my dad and step mom and tried to push them out the door. Of course they wouldn't leave and I just kept giving them food and drink and smiling and when they were distracted working on the mess. I woke up crying. Its been 15 years since I did that.

Plus I think I pretty much know what all this means and am really upset by it. Now the question is how to let go of it.

My grandma does not go near computers, so when I forward something to my dad, he prints it out and sends it to my grandma, who then answers the questions and sends them to me.

Cute thing I learned from grandma on this last round was she didn't get her driver's license until she was in her 40's... they didn't have driver's licenses when she learned to drive.

Basketball had destroyed my evening. Seriously, I just don't understand the sport and when it takes up too many tv channels, its like all of cable and network plays reruns and total crap just to piss me off.

Which tonight was a good thing. Colorado PBS plays Northern Exposure every week night at 7:00 and I always mean to watch, but get distracted by all the nifty discover channel shows and movies on TMC. Tonight I had no excuses so I flipped it on, just in time to hear the opening theme song. I had forgotten how great that show was. It made me home sick and uplifted at the same time. The episode was the one where Maurice and Holling have to bury their friend at No Name. It was so perfect I turned off the tv after the episode. It just seemed wrong to watch anything less well crafted.

I caved and bought it. No one else is a fan and so as I run around yelling Spoon! and Evil is a foot! and I am full of tinier Men!! and I don't speak your crazy moon language! I get the impression that people in white coats are stalking me. I wish they would just stop fighting over copy rights and give us the whole dang animated series.

I just can't get over how my dad marrying a gold digger has brought the rest of the family closer. My cousin, who is 15, now calls me about every other week just to talk. My uncle sends me amusing web sites (he and I could not be more different but our twisted sense of justice and humor are in synch). My grandma hasn't said anything mean to me in about a year. She even apologized to me for avoiding my entire childhood. My aunt comes to visit me. These people have basicly left me alone my whole life and now they are reaching out. It is pretty cool. Now if only my dad weren't such a toad and could join in there could be a Carlson family reunion on the horizon.

My cousin is going to be 15 on the 21st. He is a picky little bastard with just about everything under the sun. I want to get him something cool. Can anyone think of something cool to get a jaded teenager?