let's not forget ourselves, good friend

I find it strange how much I like the winter. It's just cozy inside, with the heat and blankets and pajama pants and hot chocolate. And when I bake, which is a lot, because the oven makes the house warmer, I sing (for some reason) and I always feel so much happier when I'm singing. Sometimes Lacey comes out and sings with me. She's a good harmonizer. I think me and her should get a van and tour the coutry! I can't drive, but it can't be that hard, right?
So, apart from the months of cold and snow, I could live if it was winter for a while.

Everything personal seems to be settling down again, which I'm very happy about. It was quite wierd going anywhere with Fred for a while, considering everyone was still angry at him. I'm sure people still have their problems, grudges, what have you, but at least no one's beating him up or talking to him at all!

My mother's birthday is coming up in a few days. I suppose we'll have to go over there for a celebration and whatnot. I'm sure my being there and her being able to criticise me will be quite a wonderful present for her. But I should get her something anyway. Maybe I'll check with George, see if he has something that looks innocent and tempting enough for my mother. That might be a little overboard, but...I'll give her a card, too.

I haven't been thinking clearly for about a week now. It seems better this way. Whenever I'm thinking logically, I get worried. Worrying is for squares.

Fred's come back. I guess I sort of brought him back, but he's here nonetheless. No one's exactly pleased, I guess, except for me. I don't see why, either. He wronged me and I've forgiven him, is there really a reason for everyone else to hold the grudge?

But, things are slowly settling back to normal. The house is much more pleasant with Fred around and we're back to our old selves. Sure, we're sort of dismissing the large issue at hand, but it was fought about, talked about and delt with too much while we were apart. It's nice to just savor the good parts of the relationship for a while.

On other notes, Christmas was lovely. My brother's back for the break, and we all went to my parents for the morning. Fred and I ended up going to the party at the Burrow which went rather smoothly. Much more so than I had expected it might with him there. All in all, it was one of the better christmas's I've had.

I've got a bunch of extra dessert mixes; today seems a great day for some cookies, cupcakes and brownies.

I am finally free of that horrible, horrible hospital! My healers found me particularily difficult when I refused to take down the fort George built. They ended up magicing it apart once I slept, so I complained and they let me out. Being stubborn is quite the benefit sometimes.

aaanyway, being without constant healer-irritation and/or friendly visits, I've had a lot of time to think. Which means I've had a lot of time to get myself in deeper than I already am. This whole situation with Fred is just so annoying, complicated, confusing. I think I'll find someone to talk to and get another opinion; try to figure myself out once and for all.

oh, and christmas is coming up fast. I've been doing shopping for the past month, but i'm still scrambling for gifts. And it's quite hard to be cheery.

I want nothing more than to go home and sleep for a couple months. Without talking to anyone. Or thinking of anyone.

I hate hospitals.

Well, I'm back.

I made a random decision to go and visit my cousins in Michigan. It was good to be around family I liked and to be somewhere where nothing reminded me of Fred. Anyway, vacation's over.

I've been thinking about moving back into my house. Don't get me wrong, I love it here with Cayden and Anne --this futon is probably the most comfortable thing i've slept on in a while-- but it doesn't make sense to pay for water, heat, electricity and such if i'm not even living there. Plus, it's just a nice house.

Aaanyway, I'm feeling much better than I was before. Just less stressed and worried, whatever. It feels good to be getting over it.

Cayden gave me a couple of days off in lue of everything. Days off are no good. There's too much time to think and thinking drives me crazy these days. I'm not taking off any more days. Not for a while, at least.

I found a keyboard in the attic today. Before I went to school, I used to play piano all the time. My mom sold the grand piano while I was at school one year and replaced it with the keyboard. I played around with it for a couple hours this afternoon and actually remembered some notes, songs, chords. I think I'll teach my kids how to play someday. And maybe we'll buy a nice piano for our house.

I had a doctors appointment the other day. It was the first one I've been to alone. I had to explain the situation about 5 different times and got a bunch of those don't-really-care, just-acting-sympathetic looks and 'aw's'. I wish they'd stop doing that, asking me how I'm doing and if I want to talk. If they'd just do everything normally, I wouldn't have to think about him all the time. Going full circle, that's why I like being at work. No one really knows you when they come in, so they don't care how I am. They won't ask me if I need to talk. And if they do, I can just hand them their drink and change and run away to bake a cake.
Convienient? Yes.

But for those of you who still want to ask me how i'm doing, I'm fine.
Really.

This has been the worst day.

I am back at my parents house.
I couldn't go back to our the house. There's pictures and memories of him everywhere. And I don't ever want to think of him or remember what we had. It was a complete mistake. I mean, we'd only been dating for a week and a half before he got down and asked me to marry him. And then a month later, we're having twins? No. It was much too fast. But I loved him. And...I thought he loved me.

I can't believe this.

Fred took me to dinner last night. He was very romantic about it; I think he still felt bad about our fight the other day. After dinner, we went to the park and made a lovely time of it.

This morning, I woke up and noticed I was starting to show a little. We stood in front of the mirror and admired for a while and then I was forced back into bed, later recieving a delicious breakfast in bed. I love him so much, that Fred.

( Collapse )

Most of the wedding plans are finished.
It's kind of boring, not having anything to sort through anymore. We're buying dresses and stuff next month and Fred's handling all the set up stuff, so I really have nothing more to think about. Except mailing invitations. But that should take about an hour. They're due out next week. I find that a little early, but..whatever, they've got to save the date.

Thanksgiving's coming up soon. I always cook stuff for thanksgiving, much to my friends and/or familys protests. I think I could make something good this year, though. My cooking has improved lots. Enough to make a delicious bowl of mashed potatoes, at least.

Anyway, the rest is the same as always. Starting to have some odd cravings for things. Good thing I work at a cafe, or else I'd never find (much less have time to make) the things I want. Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm kind of in the mood for some cantaloupe. I doubt we have any. I've never been a fan of cantaloupe.

I shouldn't talk about food.

Fred and I went to
a bit ago. We talked of baby names. He threw a pie at me, I indirectly called him names and we were asked to leave. Anyway, we decided on Jeremy and Emma. I think they're perfect. But of course I do.

Anyway, we went to the beach after that and talked for a while. And then he got thrown in the water. As did I, of course. He's stronger than me and I couldn't resist. It was an evening, yes.

In about 5 minutes, I'll be heading on a top secret mission by the name Vlad Cristoe. I may be able to use the completely amazing Power Ranger skills I learned as a child. You never know when it comes to things like that.

Best be off!