You're my lover

Well last night s performance was absolutely amazing I love their outfits the lgiht the dancers and every word Neil sang. Hard to imagine they can still make mind blowing songs as good as their classic works ten or twenty years ago. But they did.
Neil introducing the band is so lovely. First the dancers then Chris (squeak) and himself (squeak) finishing with "we are the pet shop boys". Oh I just want to laugh and cry at the same time.

And how can his voice never changing a bit? It is so addictive.

I am so glad and lucky to have found Jeeves and Wooster in the sea of tv series. It must be some kind of karma. As in merlin, the chemistry between the two leading roles are too obvious to be ignored, I am indulged in the ample details which can be interpreted in a vey different view with some imagination.
And this series lead me to rps. Don't know why things always ended like this. Rps bears a really dangerous appeal to me because it is real, based on reality. So I feel a whole lot more intensely, whether for the fluffiness or the angst. Stephen fry and hugh laurie, apparently belong to the second of the two kinds of feelings. After seeing the history they've shared, the intimacy and love confessions, which Stephen put in a way so moving as I ever heard, comes the brutal truth. I believe they loved each other, but how can the love falter? How can one give up loving? Am I being naive in asking such questions?

It just made me sad. I hate to see my loving couples like that. Why can't every story have a happy ending?

wonderwall by Oasis

Whenever I listen to it, I would be overwhelmed by the feelings inside. 
Fuck, I hope I can hear them live one day so much...

either spend it reading, or sleeping.

Since I heard the news of Noels planned wedding, Ive been miserable. I know its unnecessary. Hes been married before. Nevertheless, I still see it as a full stop to lots of things. including my ever-lasting hope that theyĺl be together one day.
Looking at the whole thing from the start, I always impose my own feelings onto Liam. well, i wouldnt get to know how he really feels, if he feels less than me. (very impossible, as hes one of the two parties in the relationship, not me. However, actually I wish he doesnt love his brother as much as I suppose. Liam is the last one in the world that should be hurt.

So on a night bus to Sevilla, I wrote down a poem. (Dont laugh. I used to write poems in middle school.) Now I feel the urge to write, or the feelings will strike me down.

Its so magical. that Oasis made me want to write again.
Must Be The Music

It must be the music
that wakes me up 
or why I cant sleep
this late at night

It must be the music
that arouses my memory
to make me nostalgic 
for what you gave me

You gave me love, laugh
meaning of life
You gave me hurt, angst
and a broken heart

Why don't you call me 
say anything
your wedding, your bride
I wont tell you 
that you need her more than you love her

Because I'm not sure myself
I'm not sure if you ever loved anyone
if you ever loved me 
Am I naive 
being desperate
for those four letters
Am I unrealistic
wanting to live with the one I love

Arent you the one
that kissed me like I'm precious
Stop excusing yourself
I'm familiar with all your explanations
Ive swallowed every of them
with burn in the throat
But why did you kiss me first?

I dont hate you
I cant do that
when I love you still

The battle is doomed to lose
Its just a common problem
that everybody will encounter
who I am doesnt give me any advantage
in love

however I doubt if Im able to love someone
else,
at this age of life
I dont hate you
I only hate myself.

____________________________
wrote this down when listening to "The Early Years" 

The computer in the hostel Im staying has a Spanish keyboard, I dont know how to type the ' punctuation. 

I feel like going to hell, or was I already there?

I'm translating one Merlin fanfic into Chinese, and got all frustrated with my language skill. I know the meaning, but can't find the right words, the right description. Whatever, I'm never good at writing before, as well as speaking. That's what I always despise myself for. If only I can tell others what's inside my brain... But I just can't.

Oh, and I got so indulged in Merlin, I mean, the series is shit, no plot whatsoever, but Arthur/Merlin is so lovely and adorable. Even the blind can feel the chemistry between them. Although it's a bit late, I'm catching up with the fandoms (both Chinese and English), reading like ten fics each day, not only once did I fall asleep with laptop on my lap. The Chinese Merlin fandom has a very limited number of fics, and you know it feels way better to read in your mother tongue, so I got desperate and read some TheSocialNetwork and Sherlock fanfics only for the sake of consolantion. But they are never enough. None of the pairings have the same chemistry around.

Yeah, that's why I picked on translation.

I'm so glad my livejournal isn't connected to my facebook or twitter. I can regard it as my private  diary and write whatever I like. I've got a secret to confess: I watched gayporn... yesterday.

It's not like I hadn't watched porno before, I watched a few Japanese ones, quite boring, if you'd ask me. And they're heterosexual! Now I watch gayporn, and I'm a girl, and I was kinda turned on... that's crazy...

There's no chance I would be lesbian, no. I always like men better.

Maybe that's a common problem among slash fangirls?

write down a dream about Oasis that I had a few days ago

Seeing the brothers again in my dream makes me happy, maybe I just couldn’t leave it behind, even if I wanted to.

I met Noel in a Chinese restaurant, he’s dining with family members, including Liam (or maybe not, I’m not sure). I approached him for a signature, and some talk. Somehow our conversation went to the topic of “how to work in a group” (WTF?) I was like “There must be democracy in a group.” And he agreed. Then I continued “The same with bands!”

Was he sort of embarrassed at my words? I couldn’t tell. But I didn’t have the courage to say “Your control on Oasis was too autocratic.” ‘cos it’d be too blunt to do so.

So, deep in my heart, I always blame the split on Noel, on his indifference(whether faked or not) to Liam, on his unsettled mind, on his manipulating, on him being mean to give positive opinions, on his everything.

I don’t know how other so-called fangirls feel about the split. It totally broke my heart. I love them both, however what I love most is them being together, playing together for ever, either of them leaving ruins it.

When I look back at the history, I found that the happy, blissful moments are always short. But they are what I live on. Those qoutes, videos, songs make be believe there’s love(whatever type of love) between them, while other evidence shake the belief.

We all have the thought “What if”, I thought about it countless times. What if they discover the underlying love below quarrels and fights? What if they can confess it to each other sober? What if they act as what they sing, “feel no shame”?

Possibilities.

But in the back of my mind, there was always a way back. Me and him will go on forever, and beyond… beyond this time. It’ll go on forever and ever and ever.”-Liam Gallagher, 2005

I wonder Noel’s reaction to this. I wish I’d reminded him in the dream.

have been looping Oasis Complete Singles Box

I wonder how could Noel quit Oasis, because I would never be able to quit it.

Not when everytime it overwhelms me with the songs.

And the love.

We all know they are more than brothers, and maybe they are more than lovers.

Is it possible that people get too close then they have to step back?

I've never been close to anyone, so I just assume that's it.

After being brought back to reality, I can't help feeling angst.

I can't stand the ambiguity, the hidden love in lyrics. The silence suffocating them, and us.

So either you do or you don't, Noel.

Either you do or you don't!

I was sound asleep when my roommie knocked on my door,

"You have a parcel!" she said.

So. I jumped out of bed. still half-asleep. walked to the door.

Finally, got my PG T-shirts.

*****LOVE LIAM********


the other night, I dreamed of Alan McGee. He became my new neighbour.

It's so weird, I even felt weird in the dream.

But more excited, because I could ask him about the Gallaghers.

Of cos, when I woke up I was disappointed.