Fans of (pre-femme) Olivia Benson

It’s dark. Really dark. She can’t see anything, it’s all fuzzy. And all she can hear is her heart thumping loudly, too loudly, underneath her ribs. Her eyes are all sticky too, like they are covered in dried tears. In fact, her whole body feels icky, and it hurts. She puts her hands on the ground and realizes it’s not a floor she recalls, much less her bed. Suddenly she recognizes that distinct type of alley smell in her nose: all gasoline and dirt and mold and urine. Something else too, something horrid that she’s never smelled before but which is still strangely familiar. Then she remembers.

She leaps off the ground, scrambling to grab her jacket and throw it over her shoulders before tearing out of there. Then she runs. She runs and she runs and she runs. She runs until the night turns into a faded dawn. She runs until she has no idea where she is or where she came from. She runs until the images stop flashing over her eyes and she is not worried about her voice working against her will. She runs until she can pretend that nothing ever happened. She runs until she collapses onto the pavement in an exhausted mangled heap, not even understanding that she’s run right into someone.

“Whoa there!” Olivia calls, stumbling backward to prevent a fall and raising her right hand so her tea doesn’t slosh over into anyone’s face. She goes to gather the girl to her feet when she gets that familiar tug in her heart. The girl is struggling to breathe and when Olivia gets a glimpse of a bruised and bloody face she immediately drops her cup without thought. “Are you okay? What happened?” Olivia takes in her ripped shorts and misbuttoned jacket and sighs. She can smell a rape victim like it’s a sixth sense of hers. “Did somebody hurt you?” she asks gently, and watches beneath her feet as the girl crumbles into herself from the top down like a building being demolished, one floor upon the other. Olivia supports the girl’s weight with both arms and tells her, “I’m a police officer. You’re safe now, ok? My name’s Olivia. I’m going to take you to the hospital.” and feels the girl go limp against her body. Raising her to her feet by her armpits, Olivia then puts the girl softly into her car.