Mr. BBC

I wish all my lj friends were on twitter. If you are I'm nutcakeftw. Feel free to add me.

I'm feeling like I have very little control over my life at the moment. Things are happening that I don't really want to happen. I can see things getting better in the future but I want them to be better now.

Also I don't like feeling so unhappy when I'm by myself. Don't like the feeling that I need someone around for me to be happy. I thought I was over being co-dependent. Things for me to work on I suppose.

I've been learning some stuff about myself recently. The most worrying is my propensity to form attachments to people because of the way they make me feel. And I don't mean in a "He makes me feel happy" kind of way because that's what being in a relationship is about. I mean in an ego boosting, "he makes me feel pretty and wanted" kind of way. I don't like needing other people to make me feel good about myself. I do love being complimented. I don't like the fact that I form attachments on this basis and as a second thought "I want to spend more time with him because I want to get to know him better".

Ho hum. I shouldn't be forming attachments at the moment anyway.

It was my lj birthday yesterday. 8 years old. 8 years of my ridiculous thoughts and feeling. :D Happy birthday nutcake!

Having major self-esteem issues right now. I've been reading letters from my old school friend, Kathleen, and my old boyfriend, Ian. They were both really sweet people that I wish I hadn't let go. To this day the accidental break up with Ian frustrates me because I would love to know what we would have been like outside high school. He was the sweetest of all my boyfriends and reading the letters I find it hard to understand why anyone would feel the way he did about me. See what I mean? Self-esteem issues. I really wish I had someone in my life like him still.

So over my sorry life. Time for a change. Time to get off my arse, stop being shit scared and get a job. Time to be a grown up and get what I want out of life.

I don't blog here much, mostly because I assume there are more interesting things you could all be reading. I read my friends page all the time. I've fallen into the trap of twitter. It encourages succinctness. (nutcakeftw if you're wondering) I like being able to see where interesting people like Stephen Fry are at. :D

I got to cuddle a baby goat at the SPCA this morning. It made the cutest noises.

Saw the Star Trek movie last night. I think now I could totally get into Kirk/Spock slash. Spock rocked his bowl cut.

I can't quite understand why the SPCA have the right to take dogs, cats and any other pet out of neglectful or abusive situation and yet are powerless against chicken and pig farms where animals are kept in appalling living conditions. Who's my local MP? I feel like writing a letter.

My Dad took these photos while we were in Christchurch last year sorting out Nana and Granddad's apartment.







I took these photos today. I'm house sitting for my parents over the weekend.



His name is Bruce. He's ancient.



He had to have his ears removed due to cancer.



The swirling vortex of his earlessness.