My boyfriend's mom died. She was a wonderful person. She did all sorts of charity. She treated me as if I was her daughter. She would hug me and talk to me. She was so sweet. My boyfriend is doing well most of the time. But then he has moments of deep sadness or anger.
Some of it is stress. I am working two jobs. One job is very demanding on my time. They would ask me to do conference calls during the other job. They want me to work while I am working at my other job. They don't give me enough notice to work it out with the other store. And they want me to work when I come home. Answering emails, calling stores, doing to learning courses and setting up schedules.
The other job is a job. I enjoy the people on it. But because it's a hardware store I often feel like I am helpless and weak. Like I can't do everything I need to. Also, I haven't been trained very well. And my job is basically be support staff and help in departments that are undermanned. But if I put in a department other then power equipment, I don't know what I am doing.
Friday I got depressed in so much I beat the crap out of myself. I have bruises up and down my legs and arms. My boyfriend stopped me. And then threaten to call 911.
Right now, I am unemployed. At the moment, I have apply to every company that seems to offices in Dover. And now it seems like a waiting game. I have an interview on Tuesday. And while I love to get the job. (It's an office job at a local college.) I feel like they won't choose me because I have no office experience.
I am also working on graphic design project. But it's not paid work. I am just helping because I love the project. And I know it will look in my portfolio but I am putting days and days of work into it.
I am also getting a little nervous because all my bills are pay up until August. But in August I need to have about $540 for all my bills. And while I know my boyfriend could help with my bills is he had to. I don't want him to.
And I feel guilty about this whole thing. I don't want my boyfriend to have to take care of me.
I don't feel like I am ready for work today. Yesterday I helped with the Unpublished Game Festival. That meant 9 hours of working with people. Now I have to go and spend 6.5 hours with two hyper kids who can't play outside. (It's raining.) I just like I need a break in between. Selfish? Most likely.
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So I had a long day yesterday. It was 8.5 hours and after work I had to go shopping because my parents are going on a trip. I need things like food. I was tried and not really looking forward to this.
Then my boss comes up asks if I am off. I say yes but if he needs to talk to me that fine. He tells me next week I am scheduled as a people greeter. I smile say that's fine. But in my mind I am going, "Fuck." That is the most boring job on the planet. It makes 8 hours seem like forever.
I did get food with no problem. I most likely bought too much. But I always assume that I will be completely lazy while my parents are gone and do no cooking myself. So I buy things like cereal, ramen, microwave steamer meals ect. in hopes that I won't starve myself.
Today I bought an XBox, Xbox hardrive, Dead Rising 2, and renewed my membership with Gamestop. I had some trade ins and I got it all for $136. The visuals and the voice actors on Dead Rising are wonderful. I have never said, "FUCK YOU MY KATHIE NEEDS ZOMBIENEX!" Thank you for recommending it.
Do I annoy you guys with all the negative things I post? I was about to post something about how I don't feel well and I am not sure if just these rotating shifts or if I am getting sick or if I am just depressed again. But ALL I seem to post about. I hate my job. I am worried about my bills. I am depressed. I am sad.
I am a really weak person? I am unhappy because I wouldn't take control of my life?
Me and mom watched 1.5 hours of Hetalia. And she liked it. We watched the dub. I was proud of my mom for not being upset by some the gay jokes. I'm really happy that we have some funny that we can watch together. Because she don't watch a lot of the same shows and the ones we do are all dramas.
Also, the bandanna that you get for free with Season 1 is adorable.
This is my journal which I normally use to complain about stuff. I can be negative and I am can be depressed. That out of the way to become a friend on my journal you must write in English, and we have to have something in common. People who randomly friend me will be denied.
Anyone else get a little depressed at their birthday? I think it's similar to people who get depressed around the end or start of year. Because I look back at my year and go, "Well, didn't get much done." I suppose that's just my nature. I'm a worrier and negative.
I think I am going to start up with 43 things again. That way this time next year I can say "Hey, I did a charity walk, I volunteered, I save x amount of money" or whatever my goals were.
