Eyes in the Dark
Edwin does something - brave.
Something terribly, agonizingly brave. Maybe he didn't manage to speak to John, and never heard his brother tell him it was okay, to do whatever he had to, to survive. Maybe he saw the face of the person Larson wanted him to hurt, and was so repulsed, so furious that he's tried so hard to be better and Larson wants to force him to be worse -
Maybe he just makes a decision. He refuses.
And he goes somewhere dark, dark, dark.
Somewhere very far, black bodiless void. Somewhere small. Somewhere that feels like a cell, if he can remember what things feel like. Plain, stone, grey. Five feet on a side.
Or nothing. Just black black black black -
Yellow.
Yellow eyes. Crowns. Is there one crown here, or two? No, that's just eyes - nine yellow eyes in the shadows, with nothing at all to see. A darkness that has been eating itself for - who knows?
Jedao remembers his name, and his fire. He doesn't quite remember colors, or what it feels like to have hands. Sight is impossible in the casket of the Black Cradle, but he can hear the voices of ghosts. When his tormentor does not speak to him - when he is alone - he makes noise for himself. Ghosts with no throats are still permitted the luxury of screaming.
He is making a noise like someone chewing their fingers off. Humans are astonishingly good mimics, among the best in the animal world. The sound is horrendous, visceral. He has not been here long enough, this time, to forget pain. It is good to remember. The memory is better than nothing.
And then he is not alone.
Something terribly, agonizingly brave. Maybe he didn't manage to speak to John, and never heard his brother tell him it was okay, to do whatever he had to, to survive. Maybe he saw the face of the person Larson wanted him to hurt, and was so repulsed, so furious that he's tried so hard to be better and Larson wants to force him to be worse -
Maybe he just makes a decision. He refuses.
And he goes somewhere dark, dark, dark.
Somewhere very far, black bodiless void. Somewhere small. Somewhere that feels like a cell, if he can remember what things feel like. Plain, stone, grey. Five feet on a side.
Or nothing. Just black black black black -
Yellow.
Yellow eyes. Crowns. Is there one crown here, or two? No, that's just eyes - nine yellow eyes in the shadows, with nothing at all to see. A darkness that has been eating itself for - who knows?
Jedao remembers his name, and his fire. He doesn't quite remember colors, or what it feels like to have hands. Sight is impossible in the casket of the Black Cradle, but he can hear the voices of ghosts. When his tormentor does not speak to him - when he is alone - he makes noise for himself. Ghosts with no throats are still permitted the luxury of screaming.
He is making a noise like someone chewing their fingers off. Humans are astonishingly good mimics, among the best in the animal world. The sound is horrendous, visceral. He has not been here long enough, this time, to forget pain. It is good to remember. The memory is better than nothing.
And then he is not alone.

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He's not in the Dark World.
Wherever he is, however small it is, even though the total blackness is already starting to eat through his relief with terror. He's not in the Dark World.
And he's also not alone.
The presence-that-is-Edwin presses back against the edge of the space, registering the tail end of the horrible noises his partner in the dark is making.
He presses back, and down, and finds a corner to try and make himself as small as something only questionably present can. He got away from Larson without ending up in the Dark World. Probably. Unless this is some new corner of it. But even if he escaped Larson, he's still caught in the dark with something furious he can feel is there.
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They settle into a fanlike arc, like a peacock's tail, utterly unblinking.
...Esfarel? asks a deep, terribly familiar voice, rough with long years of ill use. Or are you some other poor bastard?
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The presence in the corner is suddenly very much not in the corner, instead rushing for--reaching for--the other in the space.
Dad. Dad. What-- Where are we? What's happening? Why are we here, where's the barge?
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Oh, fledge, Jedao says softly. Gently. Full of pity.
You ain't real. Either he made you to hurt me, and nothing you think you feel about me is real, or he told you hurt me, and you got dumped here still willing to do his dirty work for him. For your sake, I hope it's the former.
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The voice is almost right. The way it talks isn't.
Wh... Who? Larson? ...Kayne?
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Jedao is not going to - let a stupid dream of children break him now. But it's not like he can actually avoid getting attached. Kujen can condition him with nothing but pictures of flowers; a person in the howling emptiness of the cradle is not a temptation he can bear.
So: better skip the useless bits. Jedao will get attached. And then, later, the not-child will be taken away again. Maybe tortured, made to forget him or hate him or whatever Kujen has planned. Jedao will love him. But he can just love him because he's here, not because he's Jedao's child. He can be something else Jedao loves and then destroys. It doesn't matter.
For a moment, the yellow of his eyes is the yellow of freshly sparking fire.
For now, Jedao will enjoy the company. Hear the cover story. It's got to be a great one.
And who would they be?
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No.
Cho Jedao knows.
The shadow-shape that is Edwin curls into a form like a cat made from smoke and yellow ribbons.
You're... You're my grandfather. Aren't you. But--I thought you were dead. W-well, not any more, maybe, but when he was made, when my dad was made, you... I thought you were dead.
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It's so skullfucking beautiful.
It's so bright.
If he had real eyes, instead of just his own luminous sigil, he'd be crying.
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And the god, uprooted from Larson's mind and cast onto a whole new plane, in a position to manifest himself fully for the first time, solidifies. The 'crown' this time is a short set of spiraling antlers, nested in the scalp of the animal-thing he's becoming. Less cat, more feline monster, while he tries not to panic.
This isn't the Dark World.
I'm not dead.
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I know it's scary. But I'm right here with you, okay? Hey, do you know any songs?
There's no biofeedback in the Black Cradle. No deep breaths to calm down. No dissociating away. But there's noise, distraction, rhythm, focus.
I'm a shit singer. I bet you're better than me.
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I'm not dead.
As more of the god-that-was-Hastur coils into reality, the Black Cradle starts to crack.
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He screams, short and sharp and glorious, as he remembers pain for real.
...do that again.
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"It hurt you," he says, finding the words harder to get out silently.
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Jedao is, if nothing else, a man possessed of terrible and singular patience, when need be. He doesn't need to rush this.
Pain is an old friend of mine. That's alright.
You asked me, before, where we are. This place is called the Black Cradle. Can you tell me who you are?
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I'm... Edwin. I... My father is Cho Jedao. He... was made from you.
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Hello, Edwin. I'm Shuos Jedao. I guess you knew that already. I'm sorry I wasn't listening to you, before.
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He understands so much better now where that kind of distance can come from.
If I-- if I break this place-- it won't kill you, will it?
Kill you... more. Destroy what you are.
Because he can feel it now, the limits of this cramped little hollow, and whether it's bleedover from Arthur's claustrophobia or a fresh new anxiety of his own, the closeness and the dark make him feel ill.
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And if he's three things, he's also a liar.
He has no idea what's going to happen. But he makes a decision anyway.
No. It just hurts, but it's worth it. Please, Edwin. Set me free.
His voice trembles, just a little. Easy to be almost honest.
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Edwin growls, quietly, not at anything in particular, but he reaches through the hollow to circle around the eyes-that-are-Jedao, protecting him as best he can.
And then everything outside of that small shield slams outward, all at once, in a riot of space-dark tentacles laced with the greenish yellow of new growing things.
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In the ruins of the Cradle, in the vaults of the Kel arsenal, soft whirring alarms trill between mechanical servitors and the station's systems, and Jedao is dying, airless ghostly gasping like a stranded fish, frissioning and fading like fog in sunlight. The nine yellow eyes are scattered on the floor and walls, wavering, dimming, limned in a shadow of a fox, each eye within one of its many tails. His specter clings to Edwin, the only living thing present.
Need...an anchor -
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I'm not saying Jedao is basically a warlock now but I'm not not saying it either.
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And he is the perfect shape for it, in some ways: for one thing, he is already mad, mind broken in very different ways than he pretends. And he is old, and ravenous for whatever Edwin can give him. He is darkness and gleaming gold, he is a horror feared across the stars. A thin ghost suddenly filled with the power of his own legend.
Instead of a shadow on the wall, the shadow becomes a creature of solid darkness, now. It stretches long fox limbs, opens a jaw full of teeth of flame. His nine tails each have a golden streak running along them, like the prongs of a diadem. Crowned with Eyes by the King in Yellow. He is here. He is free. And he is ready to burn.
You're pretty good in a pinch, kid, Jedao tells him, fire-filled mouth hanging open in a fox's grin. You need anything, or can we move out?
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Jedao can feel it now, the uneasy swirl of Edwin's emotions, the confusion and protectiveness almost overridden by fear.
W-we can go.
Nervous and confused as he is, he still takes the mirrored shape of a foxlike thing shaped with midnight colors. Blue-black, highlights of umber purple and starlight. He presses against Jedao's front leg, tendrils of shadow like tentacles wrapping around the larger creature like a kid looking for a hug.
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We have to kill the thing that put me in the box. But he's a ghost too and his real anchor is this whole empire.
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The whole... the whole empire? What does that mean? How can we kill it?
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Can't we... find a way to- to unmoor him and kill him, instead of other people? What kind of - swarm?
His last question sounds distracted. It was interrupted by the sense of someone familiar, not close by, but get closer. His dad, his dad found him? His dad got to this universe, or came back to this universe, or...?
He stops, one paw lifted, face turned toward some cosmic wind that carries the un-smell of Jedao Two.
--this way. We need to go this way.