ABOUT ♠ NEOCITIES (WIP) ♠ SPACEHEY (MYSPACE) ♠ PEERTUBE VLOG (COMING SOON)





The Basics
Hello! I'm Shiv. I'm in my late 30s. Leo sun, Scorpio Moon, Sagittarius Rising. XNTJ (equal introverted/extroverted). A Complicated Queer(tm). Genderfluid AFAB (all pronouns, preferring either he/she/it) on T since 2009. Living in Canada. Coffee lover. Freakshow enthusiast. Sadako apologist. Likely in love with the villain. Changeable gremlin. Banter is my love-language. I write a lot (usually) and have a lot of thoughts and feelings about a lot of things.

Owned by two cats (Bonnie & Clyde). This deserves its own paragraph.

I'm a Hedge Witch, not Wiccan nor part of a coven, and follow my own spiritual drum. You can be whatever you are even if we disagree, but if it's tossed down my throat, we wont get along. Work wise, I primarily work in festivals and events and function gig to gig, highly prefering it this way even though it does cause instability sometimes. I actually really enjoy my job (usually)! My ADHD has granted me the superpower of being far more interested in working at a number of places rather than one place.

I talk about my life here. Some of it might be whatever is going on in the day, things I've been up to and want to do, links to stuff, and generic musings. I may post about music, movies, share plans and updates on project, talk about friends and relationships, etc. Other things might be deeper reflections about what is happening or has happened in my past, mental health, and processing. I welcome critical conversation and deep emotional discussions as much as silly bantering around. If I ever don't have the capacity for something then I will say so.

My posting habits may vary! When I am less busy, I'm more likely to post almost if not daily. During festival season or harder MH moments, I may be far more sporadic.

Likes + Interests
I enjoy cooking, dancing, weight lifting, aerobics & kickboxing, playing indie co-op games with friends, make-up, retrowave/outrun aesthetics, carnival aesthetics & so much more. Perhaps obviously, I'm into the occult and supernatural things but my whole life isn't about it. If its spooky and goes bump in the night I likely enjoy it, but I like a BUNCH of other nonsense (and styles!). I enjoy true crime, horror, corny action, MONSTER TRUCKS, and much more. Musically, I love all sorts and go through phases but tend to still prefer harder and heavier music (though not always!) Sometimes I make music under the moniker of SH1VV3R. It's typically drone-y ambient noise. Some examples.

For reference, some of my favorite movies are
Million Dollar Baby, Willy's Wonderland, Constantine, The Purge (all), Real Steel, The Bourne Series (not including the one with Jeremy Renner), Carnival of Souls, The Conjuring (first movie), Mad Max: Fury Road, Kung Fury, pretty much every film directed by Mr. Zombie

For reference, some of my favorite bands are
SCISSOR, My Chemical Romance, Kim Dracula, Megadeth, Psyclon Nine, Gorillaz, Hocico, Ice Nine Kills, In This moment, Dir en Grey, Deftones, Electric Callboy, We Butter the Bread with Butter, Radiohead, Kavinsky, Tzar B, TWRP, Great American Ghost, Jack off Jill, Bad Omens, Hole, Cottontail, KODA, Fever 333, The Village People (100% unironically), and much, much, much more.


On Mental Health & Past Experiences
I have been clinically diagnosed with ADHD, BPD, & CPTSD. I also struggle with an Eating Disorder (was Anorexia, is now Binge Eating Disorder but sometimes I relapse into symptoms of the former). I'm very open about these issues and have worked extremely hard on managing them, especially my BPD. In my past, I've vagabonded & I've been homeless. I've experienced many a thing both wonderful and strange as well as frightening and difficult and made many mistakes along the way. All of these are important for the person I have become.

I may post about these difficulties, reflections on my MH, unpacking symptoms, etc. I also enjoy a good party every now and then, so there may be some nightlife shenanigans and adult discussions. Due to my healing journey, or journey in general, I am going through a process of reclamation for the several years of my life I feel were lost due to the gravity of my mental illness and other situations. In this regard, I'm revisiting many experiences of the late 90s/00s.


On Gender & Sexuality
While it isn't as defining of who I am as other aspects of myself, I do think its important to understand. I'm Genderfluid. I do not personally consider this the same as Non Binary as I am both male and female. I am AFAB, have been on Testosterone for over a decade and had a full hysto ages ago. I do not have any intentions to "fully transition" and am comfortable being "in between".

It did actually take me a long time to come to this conclusion, and it wasn't until about a year ago—after plenty of work on my own internalized transphobia and systemic beliefs of what transness looked like—that I came to this place of comfort and acceptance. I do, truly and deeply, not have "preferred pronouns" and you can address me in any way that you like. Hell, make something up. Lately, I've been rocking a more femme look, but I have been extremely masculine in the past and both are me.

Sexuality wise, I am Asexual although I am NOT sex-repulsed and have an active libido. Its undetermined whether I am asexual because of past trauma and body image dysphoria (which I do believe is a large part of it), but nonetheless here I am. I am mostly attracted to women, but I close myself off from all sexes fairly equally LOL.


With all of this in mind, drop me a comment and lets get to know one another if it sounds like we might vibe! If you feel like this isn't for you, its all good. Happy journeys.