Daily Confessional

so i never post any more because i can never bring myself to sit down and type out what is going on or how i am feeling or anything... but im gonna giv eit a try now...
so yet again i am at a stopping point in my life it seems
i met a guy last week - brandon, he seemed great, he was only 18 - little young for me, but i thought nothing would be wrong with flirting, but turns out he isnt interested and no matter how much people tell you it'll be ok... it still hurts, no one likes being told they aren't interested in them. you can't help who you are attracted to and it sucks when feelings arent returned in the same way.. so lets add this to the list of things that are not going well for me... next work seems to be hit and miss everytime i go in. the simple days when i am a food runner and bar back are so brainless and simple that i never want to go in, but when im serving it can be way too overwhelming at times... i am still really young at this whole serving thing. i keep making mistakes and one of my managers is super mad at me.. really long story im not going into, but i keep making mistakes and they are my fault and i own up to them, but i never have a clue how i manage to screw up... it makes me totally bummed out... and i can't help but want to give up... i really need a serious break, i am trying to work less - b/c i can tell i am getting really rundown, but i don't want my work to think i am slacking and what not, but i just need time off... i havent stopped working since i started a few months ago, but i never really got a break once i switched over jobs.. so its been crazy and all i want to do is be able to go out with my girls. i miss ashley incredibly. i never get to see her, she tries all the time to get me to go get my nails done or visit her or what not, but our schedules never mix since she is at work till 4ish.. and is usually too broke to go out for lunch or whatever... so i miss her incredibly. i never see lani and dana - they do mondays at hamburger mary's but mondays are bad for me since i have an early class on tuesday and meetings all night at the sorority house... so it's a totaly bummer... so over all things are pretty hit and miss... i make good money and everything but i never seem to have time to spend it on anything worthwhile ... so i dont know..
but i have decided that i am going to double major in pr and enviromental studies... i might as well make the most of what i love and i seem to be addicted to learning about the environment... so we'll see what happens.. im going to talk to a counselor tomorrow about it, so wish me luck.
i dont really know what else to say....
so... night

so i totally forgot to talk about my car.
so i went to get my oil changed in my car last week and the guy says he will change my oil and check around the engine for anything else... this is where the change of problems happens i think.. so first his credit card thing is down - no biggie i paid cash for the oil change and he gave me a receipt and was talking to me that the owner had just took off and left the place completely. i have gone to this guy for as long as i have my car and so have my brothers and parents. so he tells me there is something wrong with my radiator and i should come back and have them check it tomorrow - i say no biggie - go the next day turns out there is a huge crack in my radiator! awesome! so i have the guy order me a new one to put in the next day, saturday comes and i take my car down and he fixs it and my mom writes him a check and he does it all super cheap since he doesnt have an owner watching over him to charge higher prices, then he checks my air conditioning and says he can fix that too for like 50 bucks which is awesome since i also need new bolts and stuff to be fixed. so this is all awesome and i start driving home on saturday, i turn down prospect and am coming up to a green light at bastanchury and this guy in front of me in a silver mustang starts to make a right hand turn in front of me. i honk my horn and slow down, but he keeps going and i slam on my brakes and hit his rear left bumper. the guy (jeremy horton) just drove his 2001 ford mustang practically right off the lot! luckily his car barely had a scratch and my little sadie (saturn) has a little dent and crack on the right side above the tire, so not too bad. shockily! luckily i swerved to avoid him. so he really wants to settle it all out of court/ out of insurance to avoid jacking up his insurance any more - and i REALLY do not want anything on my record either! the last thing i want is for my insurance to go up and pay more. so i am going to get a quote on my car and see what happens, funny thing is i was only on planning on keeping the car for like 6 more months, but we will see what happens, maybe i will keep it longer if my car has a new radiator and working air conditioning! what a shocker! a perfectly running car! nice! well i think that is finally it and i really need to go to bed anyway! class at 10 am.

so tons of craziness has occurred in my life...
so at some point i lost a ton of my friends... to many different cicrumstance
whether it be a flat out end - megan, a fade away - daniel, to school - patrick, brandon, paul, travel and school - christin or marriage - amanda.
i do not know what happened, but i decided to make the ultimate choice and became a sorority girl! yes, i am completely serious.
turns out - it is way more amazing than i thought it would be - retreats, meetings, ventures to "the row/greek row" and so many other things. it was a long draining process, but i survived and am now a Delta Zeta. go figure.
so i am no longer a starbucks employee, i have yet to turn in my keys or aprons, but i receive my final paycheck this friday. it is going to be a little more sad than i thought. first i thought it would be really sad, then i didnt care, now i am back to being sad. no longer will i see eric/stacey/jess/bryan and others all the time. 3 years and 3 months of my life are over. it is a bizarre feeling. i still cannnot believe it is over. but i am happy at wood ranch, don't get me wrong. i am really starting to feel comfortable there. it is just different. being away from starbucks is now starting to settle in. bizarre.
drew moved up to washington nearly 2 weeks ago. this is crazy. i mean ever since he moved out and lived in tustin - it was no big deal, he was always there, always around or stopping by. i miss him, being up near seattle is so far. i can't believe he is really gone because we talk on aim all the time. i expect him to just stop by the house at any time.
garrett is doing his pilot thing... weird that he is gone flying like all the time.
skyler is now a 2nd grader - damn that kid is getting older and bigger! he is going to be really tall and rad. hopefullly.
cal state is treating me well, i have a ton of reading in all of my classes, but not a ton of homework - i have only taken 1 exam so far this semester but now i have 2 mini papers due soon .. it has become weird being on campus, because i went from literally knowing like no people and now i have like a group of friends, its bizarre.
i am really trying to get my life orgazined - i am trying to completely clean my desk and take charge of my attachment to every single slip of paper i keep. for me it is really difficult to let things go, so i am trying to condense things. my brand new amazing laptop has become my new best friend in this sense - it doesnt crash on me and stuff so i trust typing things into it and knowing they will still be there and are safe to stay! i got my music back onto my laptop, but have yet to actually hook my ipod up to it, since it will erase my playlists - so i am trying to recreate my old ones onto it its a long process.
but yeah so lets backtrack and recap a little bit.. i ended my internship, had a good time - realized i can never have a like 8 to 5 desk job, not so much. but idea for me. but i did have fun at the internship and got a sweatshirt and towel for free out of it. funny thing is i had to take a class to get college credit for the internship and accomplished about nothing in the class and got a C - go figure. i didnt do an entire paper, on-camera interview, go to 2 out of 4 classes, a resume, cover letter, business card and half of the hours required for the internship class! it was incredible.
anyway...
i went to my best friend amanda's wedding ceremony - thats right the reception - not the wedding, because i am not mormon! stupid religion. anyway, i miss my girl already and i never accomplished a video i was going to give her for her wedding. i dont even know what to say. whatever. i love her but that thing was a pain in the ass to do. i just didnt have the time. whatever.
so my ex co-worker michael, one who cause a bunch of controversy at work - lol so stupid - left for iraq a few weeks ago. i can't believe i actually know some one who is over there. it is really bizarre. luckily before he left i got to hook up with him ! lol. it is funny cause i told my old coworker jess that i would love to make out with him and i actually got to, given we were both drunk, but still oddly sober - neither of us had that much to drink, but still. lol and let me tell you - boys from texas are a good time. i even still have his shirt cause i couldnt find mine when i was leaving, so i just took his. lol.
funny thing is i miss him. i dont want to date him - he is another matt, totally bad for me, hot as hell and fun to fool around with.
he will be back in less than 6 months - cross my fingers that nothing happens to him, knock on wood.
on that somber note i think i will be off...
i miss christin already - it was nice to see her the other night and i am hoping to see her on tuesday before she leaves thursday.
i am really enjoying where my new life is going, and i do truly miss who i was but i think i will be really happy with who i will become... this strange twisted path that i am currently on will be quite the journey.

and here i am again... down in san clemente. evan is back from South Africa - he was there for a surfing competition. and now is he gonna give me some stuff to work on. but until then...an update about the amazingness that can be my life. lol.
so drama drama drama going down at ye ole starbucks... this time between bryan eric michael and me
so unnecessary so completely lame and so not worth the energy. lets sum it up. bryan is gay, michael is from texas and ignorant and eric has a big mouth and i get blamed for everything. whatever. the end.
side note... this drama did take away from my crush on michael, but i still am dying to kiss him. lol. i just think it would be fun. lol...
next.... so i need to figure out a feasible schedule because i am halfway through my training at Wood Ranch, and getting ready to start school at Cal State. should be an interesting semester.
what do i really need? a day planner! and academic and social calender that i can map out my life with. between working 2 jobs and getting all my homework done for my 15 units is going to be insanely difficult. yikes.
but i love being at Wood Ranch. everyone is super cool there. they are all really friendly and want to help or answer questions - when they're slow that is.. when it's busy? don't even bother. lol
but i had my training with Nick on monday - he was awesome. being there 4 and a half years! he is a regular and has the highest PPA (per person average) which means he gets top priority when it comes to scheduling. tuesday i had training with Ashley G - and it was her last day as a server. sad face cause she was awesome. but she got a great job at the corporate offices doing audits of the 10 stores they have. so i wish her the best of luck. they are losing 4 servers at my store, which is good for me cause I am in the process of possibly being promoted to server in less than a month. i almost already have a promotion! this is awesome. i was so glad when Ashley pulled me aside and told me her and Heath were really impressed with how well i do on the floor, with customers, etc. so i just need to learn my greeting, the liquor list, a couple of bottles of wine ashley has me learning and some other stuff. its hard work being there.. but i really like it and im good at it. i almost know the menu... i need to learn salads and stuff...but i'm not worried.. ill get it. just like i got it all at starbucks. i dont drink coffee and hate trying all the different ones - but i can bs my way into telling anyone what they want to hear and what they should or shouldn't buy. its awesome. imagine what i could do if i actually like the food and eat it! i am pretty persuasive when i want to be i guess.... who knew? but anyway... i really need to talk to one of my managers at Wood Ranch cause i need to see if I can figure out a set schedule. i know im not a regular and havent earned the good time slots, but i am just hoping that i can work a set amount of days, or certain days each week.... we'll see.
so my parents leave for Tahiti on Friday! i am so jealous! they are going on a cuise for like 10 days. its insane. they are flying out friday - so i think me and drew are taking them to lax. they fly home on the 15th (arriving the 16th in the am).. so i close with michael on friday night and am going to see if he wants to come ver and drink at my house instead of paying for drinks at a bar. i sound slutty... but since i never do this.. it's not so bad. still bad but not as bad. lol.
but i think i may kill myself with 2 jobs , if i don't get them figured out
well... we'll see what happens...

im not sure what that title means... but July has been an amazing month for me. This may be the greatest month like EVER! lol.... july is usually really good to me anyway... but still.... I get to spend the first 8 dys of the month in a city I adore... London! Then I get to spend the next week enjoying my 21st birthday with all the people that I love in the world. saturday the 8th i got drinks at fridays, sunday the 9th dinner and presents at cheesecake factory with mommy and daddy, monday the 10th glen ivy trip with mama, tuesday the 11th disneyland with patrick, wednesday the 12th yardhouse with ashley, thursday the 13th cheesecake factory with amanda, friday and saturday the 14th and 15th vegas with mom and dad again. but then it was back to starbucks on sunday the 16th.. dang.... the i started up again full force monday thru sunday the 17th thru the 23rd with 36 hrs a week! and this week i am only working 2 shifts at a grand total of 13 hours. yay. but ... the big news is I am now a registered student at the California State University of Fullerton! On Tuesday I went and talked to a counselor then registered for my classes like a big girl! yay! I am taking all of my collateral classes this first semester, since i was late registering I didn't get into any of my needed major or minor requirements, but thats ok since it's only my first semester there. So i got to school and i got my PIN #, since was missing it, got in with the counselor, got my classes and now i am ready to make up my work schedule for the semester! But here is the bigger news... my brothers' friend works at a resturant called WoodRanch in Anaheim Hills and jokingly I told my brother garrett to tell him to get me a job there, in reality i actually had no intention of leaving Starbucks. I have become very comfortable at starbucks, which I have taken as a sign that i might need to get out since there is no challenge there any more. I was out with my mom last Saturday the 22nd and Dave called my brother and told him i needed to come into WoodRanch and fill out an app asap because his manager was working. so me and my mom were out at the movies, then went to starbucks and were enjoying a couple of pedicures when garrett called me to let me know. so right after we were finished we ran over there, cause then i had to go to work! but i got there and filled out an application, ran into Dave and i got to meet one of his managers - Laurel and set up and an interview with her for that monday. So i went over in my head the rest of the weekend the pros and cons of leaving starbucks. i worked closing saturday and morning sunday, then monday i had my interview. I interviewed with Keith and he seemed really excited to have me and wanted to hire me as a server, but since i didn't acutally have Serving experience then i was hard to hire me in as that. so he said he would talk to another manager - Brandy and see what he could do. I was glad because i needed to learn the ropes of the resturant and the ropes of serving, so i got to kill two birds with one stone! the down side was that i wasn't going to be making as much money, nor as much in tips. but no worries... so i interviewed with Brandy the next day and she offered me the job as an SA and i didnt turn it down. they told me orientation was next sunday and to come in dress code - long sleeve button down black shirt, black pants, black belt, black shoes, black socks and any tie i want. so now i have to go and buy new clothes since i don't actually have those exact clothes. but no worries... but now my orientation just got moved up to saturday, which isn't as big of a deal, since i worked on sunday and was worrying about how long i'd be there. but amanda's bridal shower is saturday and i am worried about being there on time! so now i have all these mixed feelings. i talked to my co-worker bryan the other night on our way to dinner at bj's. we talked about the fact that 2 of our other leads might be leaving. Heather for sure will be leaving in October for her teaching credential stuff and there is the possibility of Eric leaving to do anything else since he graduated this last spring from UCI, i did know he wanted to move up, but i didnt know he debated leaving too... then if i left it might be really bad. Jackie wants to move up to shift lead, so that is one replacement, i thought bryan wanted to move up too - so there is another, but no one else is really ready to move up, jess could maybe do it, but i don't know if she wants to. other than that - i don't think tina should be a shift lead, i don't think thats a good idea. and there isn't really anyone else. taylor just moved up and she was the only other one. amber is going to be in serious trouble. but i dont feel bad cause i don't feel any obligation to amber. i don't feel like i owe her anything. which is a big deal for me since i usually do. so now my whole world is being turned upside down. i am finishing my summer, finishing my internship, phasing out of my old job and starting a new job and starting a new school. this is going to be a bizarre semester. i am going to have to cut back my hours at starbucks, and am taking a pay cut to start at woodranch, no big deal. but i am like starting over. since i'll only be working a few days a week at woodranch, i should be fine only working a few days at starbucks to begin with. but i have been thinking about getting a new car. i need one - apparently my trasmission is shot and i will need a new car anyway. so i have been looked at a brand new Toyota Yaris - it's actually not even out on the market yet, it comes out in september. i was looking to get a new car in like february (that's 6 months from now) that would put me at the 3 year mark with my car. the good news is that the car - out the door with everything included would be just over $15000! it's like 15.1 or 15.2. which is crazy cheap for a new car. and i have been reading reviews of it online and it sounds really good. so i think i now have my heart set on that - i did used to have my heart set on a jetta, but they are so fucking expensive! damn. even a pre-owned or used. i was like - forget that. I am still looking to get a laptop though, since my computer is crap basically. that blows. so there is like a grand there i am looking at spending. and me and patrick want to take a trip to Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida after he graduates in May from USC. the two of us have never been on a trip together before, so we think it would be fun to go play in the disney parks in florida for like a week. so i got that to think about... but all in all i think if i make server and am doing that for a little while, then i think ill be ok to pay for all of these amazing things! but only if i do well in school... if i dont, then i havent earned my trips of prizes or anything.

so let's recap shall we?
* new job
* leaving old job
* new school
* leaving old school
* no new love interest (still bummer)
* looking at new car
* leaving old car
* looking at new laptop
* looking at trip to Walt Disney World with patrick!

as of tomorrow this will not matter...
but for now...
you should all be so jealous of me!
i just went and saw an advanced screening of Pirates of the Carribean 2: Dead Man's Chest
It was unbelievable to say the least.
i know you are all dying to know how it is...
but i will just let you all see it for yourselves
please just see it
try not to have any expectations, even though that is amazingly difficult after the first one
but please just go in with a blank slate
and have fun
i will see you all in a few days
remember TGIFridays, 11:30 pm Saturday July 8th
Be There!
...please....

love you
cheers
Emilee

So i got the amazing opportunity to go to Liverpool "Yesterday" (lol - yes i am going to keep inserting Beatles songs into my update - deal with it!). It was amazing. "In My Life" I cannot remember another time went i wanted to be with my dad that badly. He would have loved it so much. The Beatles will always remind me of my dad and Liverpool is the birthplace of the Beatles. I took the "Magical Mystery Tour" (tour...) with Brandon all over the city and learned all kinds of fun stuff about the 4 lads - you would not have as much fun if you are not a true fan. lol. But i got to take the Tour and walk on "Penny Lane", look into "Strawberry Fields" and see the guys homes, it was really amazing. I also did this mini audi tour called the Beatles Story - it walks you through their lives, careers and everything. it was super fun and emotional, esp at the end when it plays John Lennon's "Imagaine" and there is a replica of the White Room from John and Yoko's apartment and a pair of John's actual glasses, it was unbelievable. But like I said, if you are not a true fan - it will probably bore you. But it was amazing and breathtaking to me. I almost cried when they were palying Imagine and Give Peace A Chance, then talking about John Lennon's life and his message of peace. It is so moving and beautiful.
But on a lighter note, I bought this amazing purse of the Beatles - it is so RAD! I am completely in love with it.
The city of Liverpool is amazing, we had so much fun there and a good time was had by all!
But i am groggy and need a nap and it's 9 am and we can't check into our hostel until 2 pm.. damn... we do not have a clue what to do until then since it's Sunday and things open late and etc etc...
But i am off
I love you all
have a lovely day
my birthday is in 7 day!
see you are soon enough!
Emilee

hey there livejournal buddies! i miss you all terribly! and i agree with christin... i need to do a disney-day! i miss disneyland and am dying to go... so what do you guys think about going after the 9th?? like the 10th or 11th or something along those lines??
well london is amazing as always.. i saw the Peter Pan statue in kensington park today. it gives you that hopeful feeling inside, for the desire to never grow old and never grow up and always be young at heart.
anyway.. i hit up harrods and did some shopping - too expensive for my taste, but thats cool.
well i gotta take off and go to my hostel. i am going to liverpool tomorrow and wimbledon on sunday.. i know i am so amazing!!
wendesday we are going on a Shakespear walking tour. we might also take the day and go to paris - mon or tues. then the rest of the time we are going to relax and go to the *free* museums and enjoy the beautiful parks.
what a joy london is.
Cheers!
ems

greetings from london!!
so i don't have time to sit down and chat, but i am in london, i know you are jealous!
i also know that you wanna be me!
i miss you all
wish you were here!
ems

hey guys.. im back for another unpaid dollar at my internship! lol
i am doing so many random and fun tasks. today i am going through and emailing all the chapters of the Surfride Foundation. It's the nonprofit organization that co-sponsored International Surfing Day yesterday. Yesterday, June 21st also known as the Summer Solstice and the first day of summer!! so yesterday, all over california, the us and the world people gathered to do beach clean-ups, get people educated about the oceans and give away free stuff! it makes me so proud that all of these people are so dedicated to what they do (surfing) that they desperately want to take care of it and make the effort to go out and clean the beaches and oceans. it is amazing to see so many people giving there time to make the world cleaner for everyone. then on the flip side it makes me so angry to see so many selfish people not caring about the earth that we are so quickly and efficiently destroying!
anyway. no more rant.
so i have had the busy few days... every since last friday i have been swamped. i worked all day friday and night, turned around and worked a 12 hours mid shift at my store and valley view, then went out to dinner with patrick at tgifridays, then i worked another long midshift on sunday, then i had to be up for camp monday am, then worked from 5 to 11 that night, went to bed to wake up to go back to camp, then went to dinner with amanda and sandi and saw The Lake House, then wednesday i went to camp yet again, then took off early so i could be at work at 330, cause i usually don't even leave camp till well after 4, then i worked all night and had to go back to sleep to wake up and come to my internship and ill be here for a few more hours then i have to START my packing for saturday, and patrick wants me to go out to dinner with him and his new bf jimmy, then i need a really good rest because friday at camp is water play and that is going to be so super tiring, then i have to pack again and i leave saturday for my two weeks with brandon in dublin and london!! hopefully it will be fun and relaxing - cause i really need a break... then i come back july 8th in the afternoon, then i am going to take a nap and go out that night at 1130 to tgifridays to ring in my 21st birthday!! then july 9th mommy, tiffany and i and anyone else who wants to come are going to glen ivy to relax and kick back, then we are going out to dinner that night, and i dont even know after that.. cause that's as far in advance that i can even think!
well i better get back to the emails....
later!