Tag: corn

Now the Weather Is Trying to Get Us in Trouble With the Neighbors


You may have heard, especially if you’re my parents, that we had a spot of weather here last night. With the forecast for hail the question was could we protect the cars from damage. Online advice from people who didn’t seem to be joking was that putting moving blankets or some other cover on the car would reduce or avoid damage from small hail at least. So in the hour of hatch-battening before the storm front we were out with a couple large pieces of sherpa fleece, trying to pinch it in the frames of the doors and hood and trunk so it might not blow away right away. Also, hoping the neighbors didn’t see us doing something so clearly daft.

Little bit later, the new forecast was for hail the size of baseballs, which a layer of sherpa fleece wasn’t going to do anything about. Even two layers might not be enough. But it would certainly wick the rainwater into the car interiors and leave it smelling of mildew for the next four to 1,296 months. So we went back outside to take the fleece off, and discovered the neighbors had draped their car with blankets.

Fortunately no hail did hit us, just wind and rain and emergency alert systems. Which is good because if there were any damage I can’t imagine what level of weird feud we’d be in now.

Some industrious squirrel took the corncob away for their own purposes. Probably eating.

Mostly I Did Not Expect Their Revenge to Be Sweet Like This


I should have explained and apologized when I had time, even if it couldn’t have gone well. Today, I pulled into our driveway and found what I had hoped would not come.

Retaliation.

Photograph of a piece of mostly-eaten corn on the cob left in the dirt beside our driveway.
Also that cob is much more colorful than the corn I ever get. So we finally had the neighbors who have a backyard more fun than ours move out and the new ones have corn that’s more interesting at corn? Our neighborhood, you know?

I hope this doesn’t grow into a corn maze between our houses. That would make taking the trash out take forever.

On Reflection As I Haven’t Seen That Billboard In A While


What if the sign in fact asked “What If Corn Knew Its Density” instead? Somebody or something has to know the density of corn. I don’t suppose most corn knows, what with it generally not being at all sapient and being involved in matters of density really only when it’s tossed into water. And at that point it probably has more urgent considerations than density qua density. I’m thinking, anyway. At least you could have a movie about some corn hero rising up to change its density and have that be a meaningful concept.

Another Blog, Meanwhile Index

The index dropped four points as the trading floor was wracked by an argument about whether they had reached the point in life it was responsible for them to buy a panini press or whether one would just go collecting dust and shredded cheese again and they should stick to the George Foreman grill the occasional time someone wanted a warmed sandwich. The debate looks set to resume tomorrow as there’s one on sale that seems to have triggered the whole debate in the first place.

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Way Too Much For Me This Or Any Time Of Year


So the billboard advertisement asked me to ponder, “What If Corn Knew Its Destiny?” I can’t handle that. I can barely handle what I suspect of my own destiny and I don’t need food to be having its own destinies, much less awareness of that destiny. It implies we might see the day some mighty hero corn might rise up to alter or defeat its destiny. If it ends up being part of a really stupid movie it might even do that because this sort of movie doesn’t understand what “destiny” means. Even otherwise good movies don’t get it.

Another Blog, Meanwhile Index

The trading floor saw the Another Blog, Meanwhile index rise five points over the course of the day today. It then popped up another two points in the last minutes of activity, which prompted Lisa to joke loudly about how she’s a “big tipper”, yet again. We get it, Lisa. You don’t always have to make everything about yourself. Anyway everybody was so sure the year was going to end above 100 since that’s where we even started and see where we got? 2016, you know?

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