OMG I never write in this journal. An' I was lookin through my friend list an' never knew I had Alex and whoever heavenlykiss is on my list =/ so confused now about well how I met ya'll oh well blahhh. Going back to my other lj
I dont know if im going to start writing back in this journal or not.. im not for sure, I probably will thats if someone comes along teehee! but anyway non of u guys actually comment on this journal or ever did so I don't know
Damn.. The hard times are coming.. Im scared .. I thought I was so inlove.. But actually it all turn down on me that I was with my goodfriend, an' I screwed up.. I've done so wrong, I don't know what to do or what to think.. I do love you, But I get so jealous an' hurt to hear you say the stuff you do.. I don't even know why we got together.. this is hard to say but I think I made the mistake to even let this go on.. look what has happen I lost you as a loved one an' most of all as my special friend.. Seems I have no one to turn to anymore.. but I do know that I have one good true friend right now an' that is Rudy.. He is helping me pull through alot.. .. I want to die.. I can't stand it anymore seems I try an' try, maybe even try to hard an' I fuck everything up.. I want to be perfect for you I want you to want me I want to be an' "us" but look it'll never happen because I messed up so much an' im sorry please listen to me .. There are so many things im feeling that I need to get out an' when I go to turn to you.. I feel your not there ur just thick air.. An' I hate it because I love you.. with all of my heart an' I dont want to lose faith in one another.. seems you just walk away an' I fall down.. I want to tell you I love you over an' over let you hear me I want to give you so much but I cant.. Seems im a challenge.. But I do know one thing an' that is.. I was bliss to even have you, very much. I feel im minimizing.. its very difficult, I feel unloved, devastated. But I know it was necessary just the simple fact I don't know how to handle it.. All I do is sit cry an' mope.. I hate it so much I do appreciate the fact you told me immediately then at least later on. I can't get angry or change what has happen.. but I do hope ur able to keep alive a nice feeling for me.. an' I genuinely wish you well even though im extremely upset than ever but thats natural. " To love at all is to be vulnerable" I don't think im selfish one bit at all.. maybe little irritable an conceited an jealous .. But understand where I'm coming from.. Im still in love with you an' I dare would not go around tellin' other people oh ur hot etc so on.. Thats because I have respect for you very much deep down.. An' I think you didnt want to have a relationship just like you said you thought it'd fill in the emptyness.. Im sorry I even tried.. I think you still have feelin's an' like that one but hey whatever makes you happy.. I know im not pretty an' hot but I do know I carry myself good an' I have a great sence of humor an im just a plain ol' girl an' even though im not the best thats all I have .. I still want to be friends I still want to talk about things an' yes we do need to talk about this situation this problem.. because all this is going to do is bring us down an' either of us need it at the time.. Im here for you like I said once before, I know its hard to see right now after what has happen between us but believe me if we stop talkin' for the rest of our lives im always going to be here when you need someone I feel in way that you led me to the point where you don't want to share things with me but it hurts to feel that way.. I am patience an' im here to listen I know I couldnt tell you this because its easier for me to right down then to speak it .. but im turnin' over to you an' my attention is all based upon you `,=c]
im scared .. im alone .. I want to go somewhere far far away where I can't mix another day .. I want to be loved.. An' I want to be kissed.. most of all, I want your special gift .. why do we fight? why do we hate? why cant you an'I just get along? its because of hate .. our friendship is over .. because we went for eachother .. look what it brought us too .. an' endless cross road .. that was suppose to be faith ..
