Be Not Afraid

1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
jawpeople
jawpeople

for a long time now, one of my go-to phrases is "shake it like a can of beans." im not really sure where this came from, but i've been saying it for three years or so. it never really occurred to me that this was unusual until yesterday when i was bouncing a baby in a rocker a little too violently (he was having a great time, it just wasnt exactly sending him to sleep) and i went "sorry, im shaking him like a can of beans over here" and both my coworkers reacted like i had said something insane

jawpeople

list of other things i've said that my coworkers really like:

  • everybody in the club getting baby (when 5 or more babies are fussy)
  • going absolute baby mode over there/he's activating baby mode (when the 10 month old is having a fit)
  • i play my blue eyed white baby (said when setting a specific baby on the floor)
  • sick 'em! (said when setting any other baby on the floor)
  • call her regina, she's a little bit dramatic (this is one of my go to phrases)
  • into the gladiator pit!/hey have you ever seen gladiator? (when two babies start wrestling/fighting) (i have not seen gladiator)
  • she's ready for college (when the three month old lifts her head to look around)
  • lock in, brother (i say this the most)

i say most of these phrases at least daily.

jawpeople

one of the babies was getting picked up and started screaming as soon as her dad pulled her from her crib (where she'd been sleeping) and i instinctively said "that's what we in the industry call: baby moding" and he started laughing so hard he almost dropped her

jawpeople

  1. a common saying in the daycare is "no crying in the baby room!" typically as a joke/ironic response to young children crying (something they are known to do.) lately i've been taking this and running, saying things like "no vaping in the baby room!" (to babies coughing) or "no show tunes in the baby room!" (to babies screaming) and lately i said- in front of a parent - "no suicide pacts in the baby room!" (to a baby dragging another baby to the floor while trying to bite her)
  2. i keep saying "awww da googoo boogoo :-(" i don't know what this means
jawpeople

i also cannot understress the importance of being able to say "wooooaaaaahhhhh booger boy in baby world!!" whenever a baby has a runny nose

its-stag
just-sans-things

babys dont even say gogo gaga anymore they just bite you and inject you with their babypoison

elderslightlyevil

Its actually babyvenom. Do you know nothing about babies?

just-sans-things

hey buddy figured id give you a heads up i found two bigass birds and paid them 10 bucks each to swoop down when you aren't paying attention and grab one of your arms each and pull as hard as they can to rip you in twain midair. so id start investing in ankle weights or something because you're gonna need em

bunnymoon-phase
derinthescarletpescatarian

I need to admit something to the US Tumblrinas. Philadelphia isn't a place to me. It's a cream cheese. You say "philadelphia" or "philly" and I immediately, and exclusively, think of the cream cheese. "Twelve people die in Philadelphia disaster" wow that must've been a Molasses Flood style event

derinthescarletpescatarian

image

No I trust the Americans, the cheese lovers, and the fans of the molasses flood to find this one on their own.