I Cant Live..

i've known all my life how much of a drama queen i am, but this is by far the worst shit that has ever happened to me. I havent seen andrew in three weeks and now he cant come this weekend either.

what am i going to do? my whole world revolves around him.. i want to fucking CUT the line, drag my nails over my face and scream. WHY IS THIS BOTHERING ME SO MUCH???? WHY? why cant i be used to this, used to not seeing him, why is my body going through so much pain just because of one person.

I dont want to cry anymore and i dont want to sit and wait for a call, a voice over the phone (which pretty much sums up our whole Fukin relitionship) God am i that fucking stupid? that i cant even take myself away from the very thing that destroys me. I've never wanted to dissapear as much as i do right now. Do i deserve this torture? did i do something wrong along the way? what can i do to fix this mess of broken promises and stepped on dreams, what do i do with us? this is all just a big dissapointment.

You + Me= We
And We - You = only me... and i dont know how to be bymyself.
I dont want to die
I just dont want to be here anymore....
My fairytale is gloom and heartbreaking now. Theres nothing left to piece together anything that would resemble a happy ending

So i guess ill just sleep..

I am this tall clear glass
And if you pushed me over
I would certainly break
For there is no liquid
Not one drop in me
My exterior is not plastic
But genuine in its glinting sides
You had me in your hands
I watched you as you sipped
But what has become of me
You let my body slip
The cracks that split
Only grow more with each part of the ground i hit
And if i lay real still for those few moments
There actually might be something considered beautiful
To my broken bits and pieces...

its not much but i tried.... i really need to get things out.. i just never know how.. please someone just bury me.