BREAKING: Trump says he will not replace Tulsi Gabbard with a new Director of National Intelligence, stating, “Every decision I’ve made has been without intelligence.”

Warning that any attempt to spend time inside a personal residence constituted hostile interference with federal operations, Immigration and Customs Enforcement officials announced Thursday that being in the privacy of one’s own home would now be deemed an obstruction of justice. “When an individual enters their residence, conceals themselves behind a closed door, and attempts to go about their everyday life, they are willfully impeding the important work of law enforcement officers and engaging in domestic terrorism,” said Department of Homeland Security spokesperson Tricia McLaughlin, adding that the agency had updated internal guidelines to classify such aggressive forms of noncompliance as standing around in one’s kitchen, asking why agents are there, or harboring loved ones around a dinner table as Class D felonies.

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BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly asking his staffers if they think his base would revolt if he fired Pam Bondi and replaced her with Matt Gaetz so he can get an attorney general who is experienced in defending against allegations of pedophilia and sex-trafficking.